Thursday, June 14, 2012

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember.......

by Sac Barb

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
    An impressive new book.  It's called ......... 
    'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' 

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink 
    And be Mary. 

3. The difference between the Pope and 
    Your boss,  the Pope only expects you 
    To kiss his ring. 

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant 
    Flash  and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to 
    Your door is if you're in  the bathroom. 
 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. 
    The seat folded up, the drink spilled and 
    That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 

7. It used to be only death and taxes 
    Now, of course, there's 
    Shipping and handling, too. 
8.  A husband is someone who, after taking 
     The trash out, gives the impression that
     He just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just 
    Vending machines and a  large trash can. 
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my 
       Mechanic might try to rip me off. 
      I was relieved when he told me all 
      I needed was turn signal fluid.' 

11. Definition of a teenager? 
     God's punishment...for enjoying sex.   
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may 
     The splinters never point the wrong way.



Zona said...

Good Morning!!

BARB: I love Maxine! #4 was my fave..followed by #5! Funny how that worked out! :D

Not sure about the brilliant part 'bout just one regular ol' flash.. ;D

DI: You were right..the same room still hasn't been very well you know me.. ;)

LYNN: Have a wonderful day down by the lazy river today! (obscure Osmond :D

I guess I'm off to check the farms that I am becoming increasingly disenchanted with..yippee..blah..

Have a good day everyone! :)

Zona said...

LYNN: If you go UP the lazy river..then it becomes an obscure Bobby Darin reference.. ;D

Michael said...

lol at obscure Bobby Darin reference...

I have always related that song to the Mills Brothers...but I just listened to Bobby and he puts more octane in it....

Speaking of octane...I think I got an extra helping today....but I have to use it to shower...shave...and fix up a little. I am starting to look like Howard Hughes...the Acapulco Princess

Dianne/Denver said...

Wait----who turned the lights on???? Zona, I think it was you. Wait--- I think it might be the sun. Whoever thought of getting up at this time of day is crazy!!! I guess that student that just called for Louis is one of them (zona I don't think you r very crazy). Student says ,"hi I know your husband takes calls after 2 but I though I'd call now at 9am"

Ok I love Maxine and I love the kitchen one. What a great idea----vending machines!!!! I'm going to look into that right away.

Zona--u r lovely at first. Now go shred or clean that room. I don't have to work around here today because I get to pick up my granddaughters to stay for two days. I'm not sure how excited they r about it.

My almost 14yr old GD has her first boyfriend. She told me he is Morman and not allowed to date until he is 16. Well, what a surprise for her---neither is she and she's not Morman!!! I want her to still be a little baby!!!!!

Ok reallyI doubt I can go back to sleep so I will straighten this nest up a bit. I don't know how SHIRLEY messes it up so much. Water everywhere, balloons broken on the floor----- SHIRLEY where r u

Thanks for the blog Barb. Loved it and my vending machinesvr being delivered right now

Dianne/Denver said...

Hi Michael. You snuck in while I was writing. You don't have to help me clean up because you don't feel well. Glad you have a little boost of energy today songomget all spiffed up and then come show how handsome you are ---well you always are but even nicer after a shower!!

Just_Lin said...

Zona Ooooh, look how pretty you are in first today! I loved your lazy river references. I didn't get the Osmond one but did get the Darin one. (I also can remember the Mills Brothers version.)

I was very lazy for most of yesterday. I'm hoping to be more productive today. Plus, a friend and I are going out to dinner so I'm looking forward to that.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb Thanks for the blog and the laughs. I especially liked the transvestite one. It tickled my fancy for some reason and my fancy is in sore need of tickling, if I may say so. LOL

Just_Lin said...

Michael I'm glad you're feeling a little more energetic today. As soon as you mentioned Hughes, I thought of fingernails. Um, maybe you can clip your nails when you're done with that shower.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne How fun for you to have your girls there for a couple of days. You made me laugh out loud when you wrote what a surprise for the oldest that she isn't allowed to date yet, either. LOL

Tina~in_ut said...

Good afternoon!!!!

Sackie~ thanks for the cute the teenager one....ugh!!!!

Dad's appointment went well....his counts r coming back down.....he's excited cuz now he can start his new project.....he just finished putting in new doors and windows in the house.....the steroids give him way to much energy ~ thanks for all the prayers!!!~

Hi to everyone!~

Dianne/Denver said...

JL--- my GD was as surprised as u but no laughing on her part. I said to her ,"u can't date until u r 16". She looked at me like I was crazy---nana, I'm not Morman.

Have a nice dinner I have to get out every day or I don't want to get dressed and that's not good for me or my mental state!! Even if it's dumb old bingo that I still don't like to do. They were grouchy again Monday when I went to call. The peoe do t seem to lime each other much.

Dianne/Denver said...

Stupid phone. Trying to say people

Jodi said...

from Area 51:

SLIN - Very pretty chopped liver ;) Love u ♥

Jodi said...

BARB - O M G....that's why my hubby hollers at the kids, and then takes credit for cleaning the whole house ;)

Jodi said...

ZONA - The Donny Osmond reference made me swoon ;)

MICHAEL - I hope you don't slip!! Or have taken to leaving large bottles of urine laying around!!

Jodi said...

DIANNE - The vending machine would totally work here, too!! Along with paper plates, plastic ware and red solo cups!!!

Jodi said...

SLIN - I thought of the fingernails, too...ewwww!!! I just hope he doesn't have toenails to match!! Where are you going for dinner?

Jodi said...

DIANNE - Thank God your GD isn't Morman ;) Her remark made me smile :)

TINA - Glad your Dad is doing well. Luv u 4!!

Tina~in_ut said...

A bird pooped on my arm!!!!!~

Jodi said...

TINA - I'm sure that is good luck somewhere ;)

Tina~in_ut said...

Lmbo Jodi~

My flight is delayed~

Jodi said...

TINA - Oh, good....more time to crochet :)

Tina~in_ut said...


sacBarb said...

Zona, Do you mean that Mr. Z bothers you when you're in the bathroom or are you talking about the super bowl? BTW you are lovely in first today.

Dianne, Thanks for ordering the vending machines. Have fun with the GDs.

J/L, I'm glad I could tickle you fancy, virtually that is!

Tina, glad your Dad's appointment went well. I did think of you when I read the teenager one.

Jodi, typical man....

Thanks for the comments everyone. Have a good night and sweet dreams.

Just_Lin said...

HOdi Thanks for the call today and the compliment. Pretty chopped liver is better than ugly, right? LOL

Just_Lin said...

Tina It might have been Shirley. She splats a lot.

Just_Lin said...

SacBarb I hope you are having a good evening. Is it too hot there yet?

Just_Lin said...

I had a nice time at dinner. I love the Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana! I even got a second bowl. Had the mediterranean grilled chicken on capellini which was very good. I was only able to eat half because I had so much soup. I did bring the other half home, though. :)

Jodi said...

SLIN - I always do that!! Love soup, even this time of year ♥

Jodi said...