by Bebbi
A couple of weeks ago my son broke it off with his girlfriend of 4 ½ years. This has been especially hard on me. Her parents are both dead and she came over every weekend and stayed with us. I have grown quite attached!
When my hubby texted me that it happened, it was quite a surprise. We had just gone out on Saturday for my son’s birthday and everything seemed fine.
To me, their relationship never seemed “hard”. It was a good match, they got along well and really care about each other. A lot of their friends said they were their “favorite couple”. I always felt a lot of pride in them because there relationship was so good.
I can understand my son’s life is his life. I can get through this, it just makes me really sad when something that seems so right has to be broken apart. I do think my son makes very good decisions and he understands the importance of being 100% sure of things in his life. This young man has an exceptional mind and heart. I am very proud of him.
Also, she is quite awesome. She works hard in school and has to deal with so much in her life. She has a good attitude and will always do well. I want her to know that I love her and miss her. She will always have a place in my heart.
The first week after it happened I would randomly start crying. I would check their Facebooks to see how they were holding up. I wanted to reach out to both of them but didn’t feel like it was my place. I did put some quotes up on my wall, hoping they would look but they probably didn’t..LOL. She was coming over this past weekend to get her stuff but I missed her because we were still coming back from Florida.
Have any of you had to deal with growing attached to someone and then losing them because of this type of situation? How did you handle it? Do you still have relationships with any of your children’s previous girlfriends or boyfriends?
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41 comments:
Oh, Bebbi! You're going through a breakup! Doesn't matter that it was your son's girl, you love her too.
Time, and the knowledge that you can still be her friend and a stand-in Mum will help. I hope you two can remain close. Why not give her a call or invite her to have a girls' lunch?
Good Morning Hooters!
Congrats on 1st and hi bona!!
Bebbi- I agree with bona. While this is tough for you, and I am sure them- there is no reason for you to break up with her.
Tell your son how important she is in your life and that although he has chosen to end it- you have not. He should respect that.
I believe as long as you dont plot behind his back, or feel the need to talk about her to him all the time, it will be fine.
I never had to deal with that. I have like the people who my boys have been involved with, but I can honestly say I think they were better for it when the relationships ended.
Bebbi, I am so sorry you and you family are going through this. Four years is a long time and it is understandable that you and the rest of the family would form a bond with your son's girlfriend. If it were me, I think I would discuss with my son, my feelings about you wanting to maintain a relationship with this girl. It might be too awkward for him. He also might view it as you 'taking sides.'
Happy Sunday Owls.
Hi Bon (congrats on first) and Goldie. Waving a wing to all the other Owls. I hope you all have a good day.
Happy 1 Bonacci and good morning..
Morning Sacbarb and Goldie..
Bebbi..
I have def had my fair share of girlfriends coming and going with my nephews.. you get so attached, and then they are gone.. And it is so hard to stay in touch, because my nephews move on to new ones, and its a uncomfortable situation.
Just recently a old girlfriend of Italian Stallion #1 befriended me on fb.. its was nice to hear from her, IS #1 was not to happy about it, it caused some problems, so I had to delete her.. I did not send her msg, as I think its best to just let it go. I felt really bad tho and still do.
In the end tho, I see why the relationships did not work, and glad they have all moved on, at first tho it was hard.
Give it time, there is a reason why this happened, it may not be clear now, but some day it will be.
Great Blog!
oh, and love the song and vid..
Carol, I wondered about that... I mean, it must be hard to walk that line between being close to the ex and loyal to family.
The way Bebbi is, I assumed her whole family is just like her. Gracious, forgiving and tolerant. It never crossed my mind her son might have a problem with it, and that is why I am not a counselor. I don't even listen to my own advice.
Bebbi: Very interesting situation! My thoughts while reading it were that, in the past, that would have been kind of "it", as there weren't easy ways of staying in touch with people who you stop seeing every day and pass out of your life.
But, this being 2010, I was thinking that you could maintain your relationship with her quite easily via Facebook and the like.
And then I read Carol's comment. Whoa... I guess things could still be complicated even with the opportunities afforded by the net!
Keep us posted on how this plays out!
BEBBI: This kind of situation is both sad and confusing. When Mr Z's sister got divorced, we were all asked not to have any contact with her ex. We had all gotten along so well, it was really difficult. He kept in touch with her parents who loved him like a son..but everything was very hush hush. She lived in Northern Ca..he was in So Ca..and there was very little chance of them running into each other at her parent's house. Somehow she saw pics though that showed he'd been at a party she couldn't attend. Her feelings were so hurt that her folks had to tell him that he would have to stop coming over. A year later they were both in new relationships, and a natural divide just kind of developed. To be in a situation like that is hard though..I hope you can find a comfortable piece of middle ground to stand on that is acceptable to not only your son, but allows you to work out these feelings you're having as well.
I've never heard the song BEBBI, I really did like it..thank you!
BONACHI: Congrats on FIRST!
I just got finished watching the tribute video to Jeremy Lusk. He was amazing. I can't even imagine how I would react if I had seen the accident. So very sad.
CAROL: Even after my sil was re-married..she asked us not to talk about her ex. There must have been a lot we didn't know about.
SACBARB: Good point. I think it's only natural to feel like it's 'taking sides'..that's what happened with my sil.
GOLDIE: So, are you excited about going to San Francisco? How many more days? Will more medals be earned there? ;)
Hi BEAR! :)
From 52:
DIANNE: Yes, you are a blast to be with. Fun doesn't even seem to cover it. You have the best sense of humor..I remember laughing until I cried. I bet you make a lot more friends on this cruise! Have a great time!
I'm still battling this dang bronchitis..it's a little better every day though. I just wish I could stop coughing so my ribs didn't hurt so much!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!
Bebbi~ you made me think of two different situations, both involving my brother. He dated a lot of girls and one in particular was so sweet, nice, and very pretty. One evening, my sister and I asked her what in the hell she was thinking dating our brother! We didn't get it....she was so put together! She ended up moving away and they broke up. We so wish it had worked out~ SIL is such a &^&(*)!!!!~ The other thing was....I was looking at my brother's friends on Facebook. I saw that he had befriended my first boyfriend. I was so mad, but I know my brother.....he's just a nice guy and thought a lot of the idiot I dated. I told him I didn't like it, but I'd live with it....THEN a few months later, I saw that he befriended the guy's wife.....who just happens to be my old best friend and my brother's girlfriend....I called him and told him that now HE was an idiot!!!!! but he told me that he had heard at church that they were praying for my ex (or someone with the exact same name) and that's when he befriended her to find out if everything was okay.....so yes...i turned out to be the idiot. No matter how much you care for this girl, you won't be able to stay in her life unless your son is too. It just won't work~ It's really sad, but blood comes first~
Bonachichi~ It pains me to say this, but you're the prettiest of them all today~
DeeDee~ hope ur feeling better today and end up being pretty tomorrow~ :D
Hi to Goldie, Sacky, Carol, Bear, and Zona~
Oh...and Di~ I hope you are able to find the blog.....it's still here in the same ol place~ :)~
Tina, I thought your post would end with something like "and we all married our cousins". Your family could be an Eastenders spinoff.
I appreciate the compliment, but I've been told many times that the only thing I am first thing in the morning is "frightening".
Is DeeDee not well?
Bonachichi~! they made me be nice to you!!!~ And DeeDee wasn't feeling up to snuff last night.....or maybe it was the snuff that caused the problem~ ijs~
Di-Di is on the ship! YAY!!!~
Well Gee. I've been working all afternoon and still nobody's posted? Where's everyone go? DeeDee, I hope you're better!
what am i? chopped liver?
Jeez, you guys. I feel really bad! I was busy ALL day and didn't have a moment to stop and check the blog! I worked out for 1.5 hours, helped my Mom with stuff,went to a van club meeting, went to the casino boat and tripled my money, was DD to a couple of drunk old men (drunk old men get generous with their money at the casino boat..hehe!)...and all in all had a very fun day!
Bonachichi: Congrats on first!! Thanks for the kind words and you are right, my son is like me and he is okay with me being in contact with her still. I have chosen not to for a while though, because I want to stay out of the natural progression in their relationship (in case they could ever reconcile).
I might go and have lunch with her and my son said he is okay with that. I also miss the grand-doggy! haha. He is a sweet dog.
For now though, I am giving them some time. In some ways, I can see Carol & Tina's side too..because I worry about that as well. I do want my son to know that he always comes first with me. :)
Thank you everyone for such good advice. I appreciate it. I am glad that you could tell how personal and heartfelt that blog was for me to write.
Again, I am sorry for no comments all day but I was super crazy busy. I had a really fun day. :)
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Better fill it up so people think that when I write a blog, it's really a POPULAR and FANTASTIC piece of work...hehe. .....20~!
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Just like I am so popular and fantastic..hehe
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okay..25 even though I know it's not recorded anymore, I had to do it.
la dee da dum, checking in to see if anyone's around...guess not..
I just sent mail to Tina, and since nothing's a secret, I'll "out" myself now...
The first time I went to Chicago, the mayor died. Harold Washington. I was with a boyfriend who was from there. His family stuffed me with so much food and I didn't want to poo in their house. I got such bad cramps! I went to the gym with his sister and blew out in the bathroom there. I must've lost 5 pounds of crap!
I went back another time over the 4th of July and it was so hot, I couldn't sleep. I started stripping off my PJs (seperate rooms, of course), then ripped the sheets and covers off the bed. Then boyfriend's dad came in the morning to wake me and SURPRISE! They had A Taste of Chicago going on and I was still afraid to poo. I've never taken a relaxing crap in Chicago. I'd like to do that before I die.
okay folks, I am heading to bed. Thanks - Bonachichi, Goldie, Sacbarb, Carol, Whabby, Zona And Tina for your comments. MUCH appreciated in a very sincere way.
Zona: You're situation must have been even more difficult than mine. It really does help to hear everyone's perspectives on this.
Goodnight all and thanks for the comments. Hugs - Bebberlee
LOL Bonachichi...relaxing crap anywhere when I am traveling would be nice. I get what I call "Traveler's butt"....oh, I hate it.
TMI? LOL
Okay..now that I have grossed everybody out...g'night.
Oops, sorry Bebbi. Didn't mean to mar your heartfelt words.
Tina, I spent about 5 hours working... I'd seen your comments before I got entangled in my research, then nothing new when I finished. There was some NASCAR thing going on, so I reckon you all were watching that.
If anyone is interested, the work I did today was apparently, wonderful. I just heard back from the person and he is thrilled with what I did.
All by myselllffff....
Don't wanna be...
All by my-sellellff...
I don't remember the rest of the words.
You know, for Night Owls, you guys are really sucking it big time. Maybe we should be Early Birds?
I keep seeing a show called Extreme Fishing. I don't know if it's a U.S. show, and I've never actually watched it. My vision of fishing is two guys sitting in a boat with sticks, string and beer. What's extreme about that? Maybe if a shark got hooked, pulled one of the guys into the water, then caught HIM. That's extreme.
Well, I am not exactly the most entertaining person to have a conversation with; I usually know what I'm going to say before I say it... so I'll check back in a bit.
bebbi....that made me laugh....YOU ARE POPULAR!!!!~
bonachichi~ I don't think i would have shared that story~ I can poop anywhere....ask anyone! I'm considerate too.....I tell people I like at work (Janice and Hollie) not to use the restroom if I've been in there~ :D ....and of course....the ones i don't like get no warning~ :)~
Jeez, Tina. Talk about passive agressive! Turd-bomb Tina.
Bonachichi: Glad your work was wonderful. I wouldn't have thought it would be anything less.
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