by Maureen
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. WHen you're done you'll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt...
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly....wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is is common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?
30 comments:
Good Moaning~
Thanks for sending the blog, Mo~ :D
DeeDee and Di~ Do these ring a bell? :)~
Bonachichi~ I'm not dead~ (yet....see above comment!) :D
Morning Glories!
Tina quit your moaning! You look pretty today.
Mo this is my favorite and so true!
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. WHen you're done you'll have a place to live.
Glad you all liked my blog yesterday!
Mary I would love to live by your rivers.
The rest of you go to such exotic places, wish it were me. I would love to see the beaches in Greece or the canals in Italy. Maybe some day.
Sounds like Earl has become impotent and limp. Shirley hang in there he will more than likely just come through with a blow job for you and very little moisture to show for it. :) Hope the heat breaks soon!
good morning ladies....and Tina...
I like the one about valets not forgetting where they parked the car....its funny...reminds me of something that happened last night....
about 9:30pm I drove to the little store i go to at night for a diet coke and my lottery ticket...I splurged last night and bought 2 $5 scratch offs...and I won on one of them!!! $5.00!!! lol
Anyway....this motorcycle pulled into the gas pumping area as I was getting in my car and this motorcycle was just gleaming....I drove close to it as I was leaving and my God it was just stunningly beautiful.....they guy on it was a typical biker type but I noticed he was paying with a credit card at the pump and that motorcycle had to have cost a fortune so he was probably not dangerous.. I circled him and pulled up beside him.....
I opened my car door...exited and walked toward him....he was staring at me like he was seeing an angel or something....yeah...I get that all the time....so I walk slowly and try to appear to waft....
As I got closer to him I began to realize that he wan't looking at me...he was looking at my car!
In my excitement to get a close up look at his....bike....I forget now that I drive a car that is sort of a rare site around these parts....lol
I noticed the seat on this gleaming vibrating machine between his legs...it was gray ostrich.....
I said...."this motorcycle is just breathtaking!"
he said "that is one kick-ass car"...
then I remembered...oh yeah...I guess it is.....
He showed me around his bike and I showed him around my car...
I asked him if he would like to drive me...I mean...drive my car...I suggested that we take in out on the highway and that he could put that V-12 to the test and blow the soot out for me....
he got a look on his face like he was seeing the face of God.....lol
and he said "and then I could take you for a spin on my bike if you like?"
I said "I LIKE!!"
So we went for an exhilarating spin in my car and then for an even more exhilarating spin on his bike!! FAST!! And I had on a dress!! I just wish I could have known what was coming...the bike ride I mean...I would have ditched those panties....
Anyway...it was so exciting....and when it was done and we were back in and on our own vehicles....I said..."well I guess this call for a drink!...My house?"
he said he'd love to but he had to meet his wife.....(insert game show booby prize music)
I went home and put on my swim suit and step by step I entered the pool...and when the water got up to zorch level a cloud of steam went up that caused aircraft to be rerouted......
so...what was this blog about??
Happy Labor Day weekend!
MO: Most of these say they happen at age 60..I'm kinda finding that they apply to me at 50! Ok..51 ;)
My fave is where menopause is mentioned in the Bible..lol..
Always grateful for the laughs MO..thank you!! :D
TINA: Congrats on Saturday morning moaning! (better than cartoons..sometimes) ;)
LYNN: "Maybe someday" is my mantra too.. :)
DIANNE: Congrats on QOTD..keep looking..ya never know what you'll find.. ;)
SHIRLEY: Stay safe..and enjoy the cooldown this week!
DEEDEE: Sounds like you had a nice ride on that 'crotch rocket'.. ;D
Lots to do today in the 112 degree heat. Mr Z's hours change 180 degrees this week so he loses a day off and we need to squish as much in today as possible. Run run run!
Have a nice safe day today everyone!
Tina Good moaning to you. I think you'd be even prettier with a ZAGS tatoo. :)
LynnD I guess Earl was just another guy claiming to be bigger than he really is.
DeeDee LMAO! I hope his motorcycle seat was Scotchguarded.
Zona LMAO @ crotch rocket!
MO Thanks for the blog although none of those remarks about being over 60 have anything to do with me. (she says while crossing her fingers behind her)
ha ha ha ha.....
Scotchgard! humpht!
seriously though folks...I just read that 157,000 people in Nova Scotia are without power..... not a terrible storm....rain and wind...
so Shirley may be without juice...
Afternoon Owls!
I see Tina is still moaning about 1st!
Hi Lynn D, DeeDee, Zona and Just Lin!
Well, as you can tell from my picture it's been a bit windy here in NS. And like most men, Earl didn't follow direction and go more north like he was suppose. Now a larger area of NS is getting more than they bargained for. I checked NSP website a few minutes ago and they had 220923 people without power in NS. I only lost power for a short time. I did have one big gust of wind come in through the livingroom window (once the rain stopped I opened them) and it knocked over my pedestal fan. Scared the crap out of me! It's still pretty windy here, but sunny and mostly blue skies.
Maureen those were very funny! Thanks for the chuckles! I kept thinking of DeeDee as I was reading them. Hmmmm.
Hi everyone!
Loved the blog today, Mo! Thanx for the laugh!
Almost 100 here today. Ugh! Although that is cool to Zona!
Zona we have been swimming every day. I haven't missed a day since the beginning of August, when we were in Tahoe.
I have the best tan I've had in years! I worry that I will look like a leather purse pretty soon, but gotta go with it! ha ha!
George Hamilton would be proud!
Does anyone have plans for this weekend?
We are gonna bbq on Monday, that is it.
JODI! I am going to try to make some delicious potato salad on Monday! Wish me luck!
I do not have a recipe, I think I've made it only once before.
Shirley, glad you didn't get smacked too bad by Earl.
Hello Hooters! Looks like a quiet night in the nest.
My office tv went kaput, so I dragged myself to the big city for a new one. I forgot about all the college foot ball traffic not to mention the Holiday travelers!
My sweet niece Raquel is coming for dinner. I asked her what her favorite meal was and she said "roast beef & mashed potatoes", so I had to find a nice juicy roast.
Mo, I am a "little over 60", I am sure you meant "70" lol!
Tina, how's the college son doing? Do the twins miss him too?
LynnD, your description of earl cracked me up!!
DeeDee, How the hell you stay out of danger is beyond me! That motorcycle guy could have been a.... a ...a ...a Republican!!!!
Zona, we finally turned off our A/C today! It was cool and windy. Our summer is coming to a close :(
JustLin, lol @ "scotch guard"!! more like "crotch guard"
EBJ,Raquel still talks about your beautiful pool! She sure loved it!
Shirley, glad Earl didn't leave you in the dark too long. He just slippend in and out like a 13 year old virgin ;-)
Good evening feathered friends!!
It's been a LONNNNNNNG day! Work was a madhouse then to a bbq tonight. Just got home and I left my house this morning at 7:45!
SHIRLEY...glad your power didn't get lost...harder to find it in the dark!!
DEE DEE...just 3 letters...OMG!!
JUST LIN...maybe you could as DIANNE about these :)
ZONA...sorry about your 112...it is 55 now! I LOVE it! It is actually jacket weather! Today looked like Halloween...grey, windy and leaves blown off the trees...very ominous!
LYNN D...Maybe some day will become a one day for you.
TINA...how do you look so lovely while moaning? LOL!
EBJ...looking like a leather purse!! Too funny! My plans for the holiday were to sleep, but I may treat myself to a matinee one of the days.
Thanks for your comments on the blog, I thought they were funny when I read them and they resonated a bit of truth, too!!!
MARY...you snuck in while I was typing! Do you love this change in temp as much as I do? It's not completely over for the season, but I will take what I can get! Your dinner sounds delish!
Mo, yes I do love the change. I had to hunt for my sweaters. I see we will be back in the 80's again. I don't think we will have the high humidity.
I am loving that college football has started! Love them tight ends ;-)
I wonder if this is a world record for fewest blog posts?
My grandkids will be going home on Monday so we did our bbq tonight....baby back ribs, baked potatoes and corn on the cob. Granddaughter and I made chocolate chip cookies for dessert. We're still stuffed!
Mary LOL @ 13 yr old virgin!
MO I used to go to matinees on occasion and I keep meaning to start doing that again but I forget to. Wait a minute....was that kind of like something mentioned in the blog today? Hmmmm....
EBJ I like to put chopped up dill pickle in mine.
Mary You're always cooking great dinners. You make me hungry even when I'm stuffed.
Shirley You might need just a touch of conditioner on that hair. ijs
MO Long holiday weekend. People are occupied with family doings, I think. That, and we're lazy. LOL
Mary My trees have started losing their leaves. It seems so soon. We barely had a summer.
J/L~ this is just a guess......but is it Mary? :)~
I'm beat and have a nagging headache again~ I'm gonna see if I can sleep.....with my air conditioner on~ We had it off for about a week....and it's back on....97 is just too hot~ good moaning, everybody~
oh....and Mo~ It's not the lowest.....as of right now....it's tied~ I doubt you'll "win"~
JUST LIN...matinees are great to go too alone. And if I'm really good (or maybe that should be bad)I will treat myself to a kiddie size popcorn with adult size butter!!
TINA...hope your headache goes away soon. And thanks for the vote of confidence!!
Tina Yes! It so def is! LOL
MO I used to totally enjoy going to a matinee alone. I really need to do that again. I have to choose a different theater, though, because the one I used to like to go to had to close down. :(
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Tina I hope you feel better in the moaning.
I'm zonked. Off to bed! Thanks again for the comments today and I am glad you enjoyed the blog.
Hope you all have sweet dreams!
Nighters!
Good night everyone. I am heading that way too. Need to get up early and put that roast in. Come on over!
I had left the "y" out of "early". cracked myself up!!!
hi everyone
Hi Jennifer~
See Mo~ You didn't win~ :D
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