by Shirley
What To Do BEFORE You Get Your Taxes Done?
1. Bathe and use deodorant...a smelly client does not make us want to linger over your taxes very long. You may end up paying!
2. Leave your attitude at home.
3. Don't put condoms in with your receipts, especially used ones.
4. Don't put chewed gum or candies in with your receipts.
5. Bring only the documents and receipts for that year. Don't try and put last years stuff in thinking we won't notice...we will.
6. Don't get drunk...leave that for afterwards.
7. If you believe in it, say a prayer cause we don't perform miracles...we just do taxes.
As you can tell, we get all types of people in our office. Some we enjoy seeing and some we can't wait till they leave. There is a question in our tax program that cracks me up every time I see it. When we enter the clients personal information, we have to mark a box for gender. It says male, female, unspecified. I think it's funny. We only had to use unspecified once because neither of us knew if the client was a man or woman! I would love to hear if anyone has an interesting tax story.
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29 comments:
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Weeeellllll I must be the only one who did not drink too much green beer yesterday!
Shirley Unspecified??? LMAO I thought some of the question here were inane.
One of my Aunts friends was sent notification to be audited one year he went it was fine. He then got another notice the following year and then the third year. The third year he had just had it! So he thought about it and decided to take all of his dependents to the audit with him.
Worked like a charm! His audit was over in no time and he has not been audited since. What was so special about his dependents? Well 10 children from 2 to 18 running around the audit office seems to have unnerved the audit officer! LOL I think they noted in his file DO NOT AUDIT he brings his kids!
Oh and I want to say the chewing gum people and the used condom people should be in jail!
Good Morning Hooters!
Congrats on 1st Lynn!
No green beer for me yesterday...
Shirley, I have no funny tax stories. All mine end up with angst. I always take it as a win if I only need to pay 10,000 to the feds at the end after doing estimated taxes. Being self employed and owning 2 businesss can be a pain in the ass.
I wish my tax people would get more creative like they did in the old days!! :)
condoms in the receipts? icky
LynnD: Congrats on first..wtg!
Shirley..LOL! Used Condoms..errr..gross! Chewing gum..ugh. I bet you have stome STORIES..lol.
Good morning LynnD and Goldie. :)
Good morning!!
Shirley ...that is so funny.... there is a person who I see regularly here in Bryan/College Station who has ran a convenience store for years.....and I don't know whether this person is male or female. A perfect storm of androgyny.
I have at times witnessed ....guys in particular....giving Sam a hard time....and in my own demure way...I can shrink them to a workable size with one look and them embarrass them more than they ever dreamed possible....
You know it used to be that when children were born and there was a question as to what sex they were...doctors would make the decision and ruin their lives accordingly....but now these people are standing up in numbers to say "Leave Us Alone".... mentally and physically.....
I knew another couple who managed an apartment complex for me who had a teenage daughter....when I finally met her I saw right away that the wrong decision had been made regarding her sex. She had the cutest physique....broad shoulders and a tight little butt...I felt sorry for her.....and if you think transgender issues are complicated...this is very serious as well...and not because they were born normal with transgender feelings....but because some doctor did transgender work when it was not what was called for....
Of course then you have people who just are strange and enjoy making people wonder....
I wish wish wish that the character "Pat" on SNL played by Julia Sweeney had been revealed when she was leaving the show...as a man or a woman....but I guess it mirrors the situation you had Shirley when you had to click on the "unspecified" button....lol
I know very little about taxes except that the more you make...the more they take......
And I had a young friend in the late 90's that had gotten behind with the IRS by not including the check with his quarterly filing....anywho....what he had was an $18,000 debt which he could not pay.
I contacted a friend that worked in the local IRS office and she told me to have him file an "offer to compromise"....which is basically a lesser amount to settle the debt. She said this may seem like a lot of money to him.....but its just a nuisance to the IRS......it seems the IRS is interested in larger debts.....not to say they won't still attempt to collect a smaller one with all the charm and finesse people have learned to expect from the IRS....lol
Long story short....he made his Offer to compromise in the amount of $5000....the IRX snatched it up.....end of story.
I see advertisements now for the same thing by company that I think want to cash in on charging people to assist them in making these "offers to compromise"....but you don't need any help.....just tell your local IRS office what you want to do and they will point you to the IRS person that handles that......
Forgot to get rid of my green condom from yesterday!!
Morning all....I am up much too early as I have an appt in about 15 min. I went to bed early (10pm) last night but my Texas cousin called as her husband was hit at a busy intersection by someone that ran the light. He is okay but it was their "new" car and he was on his way to go off-shore for the week. My cousin was very shook up and on her way to get him. There was a slight leg injury to the other person. I ended up talking off and on to her very late into the night.
I am off to babysit after school today and tomorrow as my daughter left for Vegas for a conference for Arbonne that she sells for her second job. I will stay until evening when my SIL arrives home from his UPS job.
Morning LYNN, DEEDEE, GOLDIE AND BEBBI. LYNN, you are really getting up early and being first and even beating BAM-DEEDEE!!
SHIRLEY: Interesting blog and I would imagine you could go on and on with stories. We go next week for our taxes. We hold our breath every year. We are hoping since MRD is working from home now that some extra write-offs will filter in for us.
I don't hav e any exciting stories to tell. I was audited once when I was a young single parent and made all of $5400 for the year. The IRS wanted to be sure my ex and I were only each claiming one child. I was so dumb then when I only recieved $100/mo per child...I probably could have claimed them both for the next 15 years....!!!
Time to run but wanted to check in and say hello and be counted for on the daily blog posts :)
ZONA: HOPE you had a nice anniversary yesterday.
Hmmm... is it possible to include a used condom if you file electronically?
Interesting observations, Dee Dee!
Hello, Lynn D, Diane, Goldie, and Bebbi!
Happy Thursday Owls.
I am just popping in while I wait for Sharon to pick me up. We are going to see Chicago today. I have seen this show 4 times now and I still love it.
Shirley, I don't have any funny stories about taxes. I can only say that after owning a business, I much prefer not owning one when it comes to tax time. We were audited 5 times in the 10 years we owned the business, and I had all the appropriate receipts, etc. each time, but it was still a pain in the arse.
Waving a wing to all the Owls. I hope you all have a great day.
LynnD. Congrats on being the first beauty to arrive today.
Shirley. I cannot understand how someone could accidentally get a condom into a box of receipts but how totally gross! I am lucky that I have never been audited. I just had my taxes done and I guarantee that there was no rubbers involved.
Good Afternoon~
Bonachichi~ I had ANOTHER training class today.....my head is going to explode!!!~
Shirley~ do you think they were trying to deduct the use of the condom? I think I'll try that next year~ :)~
LynnD~ Congrats on prettiest~
Hello to Goldie, Bebbi, DeeDee (glad ur feeling better), Di, Bear, Sackie, and J/L~
I want a vacation!!!!!!~
Hi everyone!
I see Lynn D arrived at 1st before anyone else this morning! Congrats!
Lynn I loved your story! That was a great idea to take all the kids! Lol!!
Goldie owning your own business at tax time must get a little scarey. Here in Nova Scotia it's the clients that get creative. Every year we have the same guy trying to claim men's hair coloring products as expenses for his fish farm. Lol!!
Yes Bebbi the condom was icky. That's why we sometimes have to wear gloves when we go through bags of reciepts. Those people we charge a little more! hehe!
DeeDee I remember Pat from SNL. So funny! Here in Canada you can arrange a payment plan with Revenue Canada (our equivalent to your IRS, but I don't know if you cab barter on the price.
Dianne you are the type of taxpayer I like to have fun with. I say a lot of "Oh my!" and "hmmmmmm" and "ah oh!" as I do their taxes...making it sound really bad, then I tell them what their refund is! I thought one woman was going to hit me, she was so relieved! She said I almost gave her a heart attack. That was fun! I thought my co-worker was going to pee herself! If you ever move to Canada I'll do your taxes Dianne! hehehe!
Whabbear no you couldn't use the condom if you filed electronically, but if Revenue Canada questioned the expense you would have to send the used condom in to them. What a surprise that person would get when they open their mail!!!
SacBarb being audited 5 times in 10 years is a lot. There are a lot of everyday people they should pick on and leave the small business people alone! I know a lot of people around here I would like to see get audited.
Just Lin you sound like the type of client we like to see. I can tell we wouldn't find condoms or candies in your reciepts...maybe some handcuffs or fishnet stockings!!
Tina you can try deducting the use of a condom on your taxes. Let me know how that works out for you!
Hi from sunny AZ!
SHIRLEY: Our taxes are pretty simple. When we had a lot of stock, it could get a bit more complicated..but we sold that when my uncle told us 'If you can't afford to lose money..don't play the stock market.' Of course, when we sold it..that created another tax headache altogether..I think it was called capital gains. The tax preparer wasn't quite sure how to figure all that out! We went to one of those nationally advertised chains too..hmmmm.
The only funny tax story I know happened to my dad. He had a home office and that's a red flag for an audit. The first time he went in with all his receipts organized..and the IRS ended up owing him money. The fourth or fifth time they called him in, he was getting a little weary of the whole thing. He dumped all his receipts into a small garbage can and brought it in with him. The agent took one look at him and all the paperwork, checked the history of the audits..and told him to go home. He was never audited again.
Funny blog today SHIRLEY, thank you!
LYNN: Beautiful in FIRST today!
GOLDIE: Maybe this will be the year you don't have to pay! Fingers crossed for you! :)
DEEDEE: Your avatar is..interesting.. :D
DIANNE: Sorry to hear about your cousin's accident, I'm glad he's ok! Mr Z and I are going to celebrate more this weekend..please keep hoping! :D
BEAR: You could try.. ;)
SACBARB: Love CHICAGO..enjoy! :)
TINA: Only 6 wks to go! :)
SHIRLEY: Your responses made me laugh all over again! :D
MO: You asked the other day if I remembered where my grandmother worked..I finally did..it was Halle Bros. My mom worked there too as a teenager before moving to IBM.
HI BEBBI! HI J/LIN! :)
DIANNE: Maybe 'keep hope alive' would have been a better way to put it..LOL!! ;)
SHIRLEY..great blog! I really thought the 1st one was going to be...shower and use deodorant because you know you are going to get screwed! And without even a nice dinner first!! Thanks for the chuckles.
LYNN...you get prettier everyday!!
I don't have any funny tax stories. Just a gross one...I dated my tax guy for a while!! It ended up worse then having to pay the gov't!!
Mo. Dating your tax guy gives new meaning to getting audited.
Hi Zona~ Hi Shirley~ I am so busy lately, helped my son do the backyard at my mom's so she can use it again. It got pretty messy with her plants, leaves, etc. So now it's ready for spring! yay.
Bebbi That was nice of you and your son to do that for your mom.
Dianne Glad your cousin's husband is okay. That must have been scary. Beleated Happy Anniversary!
Sorry I haven't been around much in the last couple of days. I'm getting ready to go visit my mother for about 9 days. She will be celebrating her 82nd birthday. My son has a hearing to go to in the morning regarding custody of his children so keeping fingers crossed about that. Also, hopefully, the school situation will be straightened out so they no longer have to commute so far to attend school.
Waving a wing at my lovely owl friends.
Zona Keep celebrating! Belated Happy Anniversary!
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J/L: have fun a your moms Do you have your plane reservations for Chicago yet? I was just wondering what your flight times etc., are...
I babysat tonight and we went to dinner/movie place and saw the movie When In Rome. It has been out for a long time but the girls hadn't seen it and had been wanting to for a long time. It was very cute and we were able to get home in time for a decent bedtime for school. I might end up spending the night there tomorrow night if the snow really comes like "they" say and it lasts all day.
Time for me to head to bed too. Night all
Happy 800th Blog everyone~
...and night-night~ :D
SHIRLEY - I could just imagine you sitting across the desk from the poor soul with all your ooooh's and hmmmm's!! I have to get my tax info together today. My appointment is on Monday. Hoping we get a little something back....would be nice considering that my hubby is still laid off!!
Waving a wing @ LYNN, GOLDIE, BEBBI, DEE DEE, DIANNE, WHABBY, SACBARB, SLIN, TINA, ZONA, & MO!!
800th Blog? Well holy crap!! That's something to celebrate ♥
Slipping into my Easter Owl!!!
30!!!
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