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Thursday, May 7, 2009

Read and learn!

by Maureen

Hello my feathered friends! I thought that since I work for a medical campus, I thought I would pass along some tips for healthy living. I hope that you find some tips that work for you.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. So have a cup now and then!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.

ijs!!!!!

110 comments:

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!

Mo LOL at this blog! Crap I knew there was a draw back to speaking english! I guess I better listen to Mr. Lynn D who wants to move to Argentina. I bet we could eat whatever we want there as we would have to learn Spanish! ROFLMAO!

ibebold said...

FORE!!!!

ibebold said...

LynnD...Congrats On 1st...

Did somebody stuff Shirley in the closet!????

ibebold said...

Mo..Thank you so much for this... What do you think my Doctor would say if I brought this to her today!!!!
It would explain a lot to her!!!!

Hope everyone has a great day...
I am off to errands and appt....

bonachichi said...

Mornin', LynnD! Great blog, Mo. Healty advice we can all use!!

As per Standard Operating Procedure here at the nest, I'm leaving town tonight and haven't even thought of packing. I've got the important things: laptop, toothbrush and passport. Anything else is just extra, right?

Happy Hump Day! I'll try to check back in before things get crazy.

bonachichi said...

Sorry IBB! You posted while I was typing. Morning to you, too!

ibebold said...

Bonacci...I hope your plane didn't leave on Wednesday... because you missed it...

(Happy Hump Day)..what...this is Thursday ...right???

bonachichi said...

IBB, And now it starts! Let's see how confused we can make bonacci. I'm leaving at 7:10. I get in at 7:00 (before I've left?). Except it's the next day. But it's not really 7:00, it's 4:00. I won't know that though, because I will have spent the last zillion hours in a sealed, flying tube.

night.owls.sb said...

Lynnd!

Happy 1 and Hi!

Hello to Ibb and Bonacci

Ibb..
LOL.. on Bonacci missing her plane..

Bonacci..
Yes, and so it begins, a crazy day.. LOL "sealed flying tube"

night.owls.sb said...

Mo,

I love to read and learn!

Chocolate.. coco beans.. lol

Swimming.. whales.. lol

Thanks for the tips on healthy living, I surly knew there was a reason why I do not do sit ups..

night.owls.sb said...

Mo,

Thanks for sending the blog to me, I appreciate it. Hope you are having a good day at work.. I saw yesterday you peeked your piggy ass in while at work.. you are such a rebel. :O)

night.owls.sb said...

Everyone have a great day..

:O)

goldie said...

Good Morning Hooters!

congrats on 1st lynn!

Mo- Great way to start the day! LOL at the blog. All, so very true. Nice 'talkin' with you last night, lol, via our dispatcher Jodi.

BBL- I'm actually BUSY this morning at work!

MEK in AZ said...

Happy Thursday!!

Good Morning......

Lynn - congrats on FIRST!!!

IBB - hope your appt goes well today!!

Bonacci - safe travels.

cpgem - have a great day as well!!

MO - OMG - Thank you for the laugh this morning...... I sure needed that!!!

I hope everyone has an excellent day!!
:-)

MEK in AZ said...

SacBarb - I see your super powers were in full force ALL night long - good job!!

:-)

MEK in AZ said...

sorry about that - just HAD to get another 25 under my belt..

MEK in AZ said...

OH and we are supposed to hit 101 degrees today!! YIKES!! I'm NOT ready for the three digits yet!!

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning - I just turned on my computer and I see that it is going to be 101 in Az and Mek beat me at getting to 25. I will be back to read blog and comments. I have only one eye open and I must use that to feed my 'babies'.

MEK in AZ said...

Tinka - good morning..
I had to get that march in before I would be dripping with sweat!!

AND - if it's 101 here - poor ZOna will probably be five degrees hotter!!

MEK in AZ said...

THIRTY!!!

MEK in AZ said...

Okay - I'll be back later..

gotta get busy!!!

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning. My babies are fed. I have to wait a half hour before I have anything but water because I am on a pill to strengthen my bones. Maureen I loved your blog. I think I will take it as my new life style. If my bones fall apart at least I would have had fun in the ride.

Good Morning Lynn (Congrats on being first, second and third) Ibebold, Bonacci, (Have a good trip) Carol and Goldie (How is Haley?).

A special Good Morning to Mek, my rival for the most 25's.

Zona - How hot are you?

VIG - I am so glad you are home.

Tinkatia said...

33

sacBarb said...

Happy Thursday Owls.

Mo, So, I've had the right attitude all along and didn't know it. I HAVE been watching my weight, and I'm finally getting it out there where I can see it. Now that I have all this good advice from you, I feel much better about my regimen. Thanks.

whabbear said...

LOL@'weenie's blog! And Carol, great blog yesterday on simplicity! Made me think of good old Baloo from "The Jungle Book"!

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning SacBarb. I think most of us had the right attitude all along.

sacBarb said...

LynnD is the early bird this morning. Congrats on beating out Shirley...or is that beating UP Shirley?

IBB, let us know what your doc says about the blog facts.

Bonacci, where to this time??

Carol, good morning to you ♫♪♪♪

MEK, QVC has two hours of scrapbooking today and I will probably not have electricity when it is on. The hunky electrician will be here soon to change out the fuse box. Call me if there is anything good!

Tinka, Good morning and have a good day.

Zona, Are you too busy with the in/out-laws to check in?

Have a good day everyone. I'll be BUSY all day with the electrician.

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Whabbear - I loved the Old Baloo in "Jungle Book". As a matter of fact he reminds me of you - so lovable.

Tinkatia said...

I am waiting for the time I can have breakfast and also for "Regis and Kelly" to come on.

Tinkatia said...

I am bored so I think I will keep myself company and march to 50. Jump in anyone who is still in the nest.

Tinkatia said...

I guess I am all alone again. I will be back when the party gets going.

Tina~in_ut said...

oh Mo~ that was priceless~ I love the part about sliding in...Chardonnay in hand/chocolate in the other~ And I'm glad I speak a little spanich!~ :)~

Hi to everyone.....back to work~

Just_Lin said...

LynnD Congrats on #1! What did you do to Shirley?

MO Thanks for the smiles this morning. Here I am counting calories when what I really need to do is more to a different country! Who knew?

Thanks again to everyone for the happy birthday wishes yesterday. Speaking of counting calories, I had a dessert last night that came to more than half of my alloted daily caloric intake! Yikes! I really blew the numbers out of the water yesterday. I have to get back to business today.

Just_Lin said...

Um, that should be "move" to a different country.

Tinkatia said...

Good Morning Tina and Just-Lin.

Just-Lin - I am happy you had a good birthday. That is one day when calories do NOT COUNT.

Zona said...

Morning Guys!!!

MO: Love it! Love it! Love it! Round is a shape? OMG...

I especially liked the one about exercing a muscle makes it bigger...ijs..

Looks like being an American can be stressful..Imagine that! LOL

I remember hearing Bill Cosby explain giving his kids chocolate cake for breakfast by saying "Chocolate cake has milk and eggs in it, what's the problem?"

Great blog MO..and I can just hear you saying every one of these things..that made me smile even more! :D

Renee Eve said...

Good Afternoon,

I just wanted to let everyone know my moms surgery so far so good. Shes still in pain because she was cut open. My sister and I are taking turns being at the hospital, today its her turn. Shes a little out of it, well ALOT out of it. Everyone says its because of the Pain Meds they have her on. She is going to be transferred to the rehab facility on Saturday as far as we know. But her oxygen was low this morning, I will let you know when shes transferred and if the surgery did make a difference.

I am still asking for prayers for her and ME because this person thats in the hospital is not my mother if you know what I mean. She was always such a strong, stand on her own woman, who raised my sister and I by herself. But shes still young shes only 67 to me thats young.

Love, Renee Eve xoxoxo

Zona said...

CPGEM: Sorry I missed your blog yesterday. I'm getting ready for a three day, two night visit from my SILs and their husbands. It was supposed to be a one day MAYBE one night visit..but things have changed. I thought I could just stay under the bed..but it looks like they'll be sleeping on it. Mr Z and I will be on the sofas. Oy.

Simplicity. I tend to make things difficult for myself..I don't know why. To keep it simple for once..I won't try to figure it out either. ;)

J/L: I hope you had a wonderful Birthday..I'm sorry these good wishes are a little late. SWAK!!

TINA: How exciting! Your son is going to Prom!! You're going to see him in that Tux and shed a couple of happy tears..I just know it. Your baby is growing up..and soon you'll be..well, you know. ;)

DIANNE: Time for knob labels..and I don't mean R & L.. :D

Zona said...

LYNND: How'd you do that!?? Congrats on FIRST! Musta been that bunny... ;)

BONACCI: Can I go with you..I'd love to get out of town..for say..three days.. ;)

MEK: It's going to be 104 by Saturday..and my in-laws want to walk around downtown and shop..oh boy..

Zona said...

TINKA: Good Morning! I was going to say "I'm REALLY Hot! Hot! Hot!"..but that would have been a fib..lol..

SACBARB: Not til tomorrow..can you come save me? Oh..and I have one question..your getting your wieght out..where?? Cuz I want to put mine there too!! ;)

BEAR: I ALWAYS think of you when I see Baloo in the Jungle Book..especially when he scratches his back on the tree.. :I :) :D!!

SACBARB: Musical notes?? I can get my ♥♥♥'s on.. LOL!!

TINA: Don't work too hard..I know you've been up into the wee hours of the night lately, and you have a BIG weekend ahead of you. :D

J/L: It was your Birthday..you're allowed to blow anything out of the water..or in it..that you want!! ;)

RENEE: Praying for your mom..hang in there.

Zona said...

I don't know if I'll be on the blog much this weekend..but I'll be waving and wishing I was..IBB..I know you understand this whole SIL thing..

Zona said...

JODI: Please send sunshine and laughter..anyone that has my cell number..please do the same..LOL

Zona said...

TINA won't see this..she's looking for other things... ;)

Zona said...

69!!

Zona said...

YAY!!...that should help..back to dusting..and praying for peace this weekend. Oh..and looking for room under the sofa...ijs.. ;)

Mary/MI said...

LynnD congrats on the early worm :)

MO,loved loved your blog! I will re-read it later as rushed through it on my way out the door.

I didn't get to read all the comments, but did just about pee my pants at Bonacci's confusing schedule lol!

I will bbl. I am going to get my hairy brows plucked. We leave on our 2wk trip soon.

Zona said...

I just re-read my comments..some creative spelling there..lol..

Ok..back to vacuuming..

JODI: :D !!!

Zona said...

Hi MARY!! Have fun being plucked! ;)

ibebold said...

Oh..ZONA...
I completely feel for you this weekend...if I had to stay in the same house with my SIL for 2-3 days... someone would not make it out alive!!!

Prayers for you... {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
for you...
love ya!!!!

ibebold said...

Sorry just flying by on my way to work... it is storming here all day and night... it will be a soggy delivery night for me...

MEK in AZ said...

Zona - I was going to break your "super power" but I see IBB just did!!

IBB - stay dry - we are wet here - but it's from sweating from the heat!!!

SacBarb - I'm watching QVC for you - they are in front of a live audience - NOTHING needed so far.

AND - today is Lisa's LAST show for awhile - she is "taking a break" to spend time with her family.. David is here to send her off!!!

Tinkatia said...

Zona-my-baby - Good luck this weekend. Keep cool if you can.

Renee - Continued prayers for your mom. I know how it feels when you first notice your mom is not the same as she used to be. (((((Hugs)))))

Tinkatia said...

78

Tinkatia said...

79 Zona - Congrats on 69. You will need it.

Tinkatia said...

80

Birdee said...

Good Afternoon/Evening Everyone!!

Congrats on 1st Lynn!

Mo, Funny blog! I like the body fat calculating!!

Mek, hope you're staying cool...

Bonacci, LOL @ your flight plan!

Zona, I think I have room for ya under my couch!!!

ibb, sorry you're going to have a soggy night. It rained here this afternoon, but not for long. It was just a tease!!

Carol, ;o)

Renee, Prayer's ~n~ (((hugs)))

Waving to Tink, Whabby, Goldie, Barb, Mary, and J/L !♥♥♥

Tina, I'm sure your son will look very handsome in that tux! It's nice that he is going!

Not a whole hell of lot going on around here....or in the old noggin.....

Anyone going to watch the Michael J Fox special tonight?? He was on The View this morning and it looked very interesting.

I hope you all are having a good day!!!!
xoxoox

Tinkatia said...

Hi Birdee - Thanks for reminding us of Michael J Fox' show tonight. I think it should be good.

Tinkatia said...

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Zona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zona said...

HI TINKA!! :D

Boy my little face thingys are getting a workout today aren't they MO?? :D :D

Zona said...

BIRDEEE!!! I heard you chirping waaaay over here! I just might take you up on that offer! ;)

TINKA: LOL!! I know I will.. :D

MEK: Right now I wish my super powers included the ability to fly.. ;)

HI GOLDIE!! I'm sorry I missed you earlier..my eyes are a little blurry today... ;)

CPGEM: So..any pornish plans for tonight? Make sure you have ice cream..kay? :D

IBB: Thank you..lol..

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Is anyone here?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

I need some medical advice.

Just_Lin said...

Hi Shirley.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Other than a stroke is there any reason a person's speech would be slurred? My sister told me mum hasn't felt "right" today then a little while ago she told me her leg had no energy in it. I called mum and her speech sounds slurred but she insists she is fine and refuses to go to the hospital. Any advise owls?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Hi Just Lin. Any ideas?

Just_Lin said...

Shirley A friend's son has seizures and his speech is usually slurred afterward. I suppose a reaction to medication might do that, but whatever the reason, it is not right and your mum really needs to seek medical attention, imho.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

but she won't go. How can we force her to go to the hospital if she doesn't want to? I asked her to do it for us but she said no.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

I guess we are taking her to the hospital. My sisiter just called. Thanks Just Lin.

MEK in AZ said...

97

MEK in AZ said...

98

MEK in AZ said...

99

MEK in AZ said...

100

MEK in AZ said...

happy dance

night.owls.sb said...

102..

crap to late..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

I posted a pic of J/L with the traveling necklace on the front page of the blog.. So fun!

night.owls.sb said...

Shirley..

Yes, she needs medical attention, glad you are taking her, keep us posted..

night.owls.sb said...

Renee Eve..

So glad all is going well. Thanks for letting us know..

night.owls.sb said...

Zona..

Sorry, no pornish plans.. the sun has not been out in days, and it had kinda put me in a funk. But once the sun comes out again I will be back to my ole self..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

Mek...

That was way to easy.. Happy 100..

:O)

night.owls.sb said...

Zona..

You are entitled to stay under the bed, just make sure you get some nourishment, as things would not be the same here without you..


♥♥♥

night.owls.sb said...

Birdee...

You looked so fluffed.. :O) I hear ya chirping to.. Hope the puppies are doing better..

Not much going on over here in, NJ is very quiet..

night.owls.sb said...

I am going home..

Greys on 2nite.. the wedding.. can't wait..

BBL

Tinkatia said...

Carol - I can't wait until Grey's either. I will catch it on the early feed so that I can watch M.J. Fox later. McSteamy was on Regis today.

Renee - I hope your mom gets to the hospital. Those aren't good signs.

Zona - Thinking of you.

Mek - Congrats on 100. It slipped by me.

Just_Lin said...

Shirley Please let us know how things go with your mum.

Renee Eve Still sending healing thoughts to your mom, as well.

MEK I see you got 25 and 100 today. Was that last one to match the temp at your house? :)

Tinka Congrats on 50. How's Tango doing?

Zona The SILs might notice if you stay under the couch...ijs.

Birdee I saw Michael J. Fox on the View this a.m., too. He's such a neat guy. I look forward to his special tonight.

Carol Hoping you have a sunshiny day tomorrow, with porn, of course. :)

Tina I don't speak spanich or Spanish. :(

Vig said...

Hey Sister of the Singlehood Moweenie...love this blog. Made me laugh so hard I snorted! Thanks for the laugh and the snort!

Hey Owls...hope you're having/had a great Thursday!

Maureen said...

Good evening feathered friends!

LYNNNN...what did you do with SHIRLEY? LOL! Congrats on 1!

SHIRLEY...Positive thoughts to your mum. Please check in and let us know how she is doing.

RENEE...glad to know your mom is doing as well as can be expected. I'm sure you'll have your old mom back real soon.

ZONA...{{{hugs}}} I know you wish you could be elsewhere this weekend! It'll be over soon!!!

Thanks to all of you for the comments on my bloggy! I wish I could take credit for writing it, but I got it as an email and immediately knew I had to send it to CAROL for a bloggy!! Glad you enjoyed it!

Looking forward to Greys and the Michael J. Fox special.

BBL....

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Mum is home. Two and a half hours in the waiting room and he gave her two baby aspirin and told us to cross our finger tonight. WTF?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

I guess she did have a mini stroke. Other than her speech which is still slurred a bit, the other symptoms are not there anymore. He said it could happen again, so I guess that's why we need to cross our fingers. Thanks everyone for your concern and thanks again Just Lin for being here when I called out. ((HUGS))

Tinkatia said...

Just-Lin - Thanks for asking. Tango is fine now. The Vet said not to over walk her and to just keep an eye on her. I am praying she has a few years left yet.

Tinkatia said...

Shirley - Sending good wishes to your mom.

Tinkatia said...

Hi VIG - Glad you are having a great day. The sun is even coming out now that it is almost evening. Grey's was great. That isn't a spoiler is it? No, because Grey's is always great.

Tinkatia said...

Zona - I will be sending positive energy your way for the next three days. Can you feel it?

Tinkatia said...

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Tinkatia said...

I am off until tomorrow. Thanks again Maureen for the fun your blog brought today.

Good Night Everyone. Love, Tinka

night.owls.sb said...

OMG... Greys was great, I cried tears, such a special show..

Shirley,
Glad your mom is home, not sure what the dr meant but I am with you WTF. I guess you just have to watch her and hope no new symptoms occur.. My
thoughts are with you..

night.owls.sb said...

Watching Michael J Fox.. he is amazing

Sandie said...

Dang, no cut and paste for Shirley today! LOL

Congrats on first, LynnD!!

Mo, your blog was so funny! Why oh why can't all that really be true??? Thanks for making me laugh today.

I've been running all day and am too tired to read comments tonight so I'll catch up tomorrow.

Hope ya'll had a good day.

Area 51:
Tina, seems our lives are alike these days. Tyler kept saying he wasn't going to the prom, turned down three girls who asked him--then asked a girl five days before the prom. She said yes, her mom said NO! She said she wasn't buying a dress in a week. You can't really blame her. So, we got a tux on Tues and prom was Friday. He went alone and said he was so glad he did because he got to dance with all the girls without any girl drama! LOL

And, Tina, like you, my MIL and SIL are coming next week. AACCCKKK!

Dianne/Denver said...

New chest shot on the blog--such a nice blog that we each get to show our boobs!! JUST/LIN: I thought you were going to model in your bday suit? What happened?

MO: Fun blog and it gives me great pleasure to tell all of you that I have been following your plan for years!

SHIRLEY AND RENEE EVE: Sending postitive thoughts out to both your moms.

ZONA: Are you still blowing up that air mattress? Pool all ready for the company? House all dusted? Pizza in refrig with other snacks? I will try and find something funny to send you on text over the weekend.

whabbear said...

Thanks, Zona and Tink!

The simple bare (bear) necessities of life! LOL!

Shirley and Renee: Thinking of your Moms tonight, and hoping for the best!

Maureen said...

Dagnabbit...I fell asleep during Grey's...did they get married? Does Izzy have a new tumor? What else happened? And I missed Michael J. Fox, too. ;(

DIANNE...when do you leave for your road trip? Have fun and be safe.

JUST LIN...nice pic. Ya got a good rack going on! Oh, thanks for the QOTD! I just noticed that!!

Sorry I didn't participate on my own bloggy day. But wishing you ALL well. See ya tomorrow.

Nighters

Just_Lin said...

Sweet dreams, Hooters!

night.owls.sb said...

Mo..

Izzi and Alex got married instead of Mere and McDreamy. Yes Izzi has a new tumor and its inoperable (sp) this tumor was the one that is making her see Denny (hallicuations) (sp) the tumor is so small that McDreamy can't get to it. I cried, so sad.. and loved that Mere and McDreamy gave up their wedding for Izzi..

Next week 2hr season finale.. so we wait and see what happens to Izzi..

jigglin' in jax said...

reading, learning, LAST-ing!