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Friday, January 8, 2010

~ Your Leg or Mine? ~

by Tina~not_in_ut

I had a blog written and ready to post for today, but that was before my plane ride! I'm in California to take dad to the doctor. It's not a huge deal to get on a flight because I normally pick the ones that have a lot of seats left since I fly standby. I would rather have taken a half day off and flown on the 2pm flight, but I had a training class, so I took the 9:30pm flight. Well that turned out great!

I'm the kind of person who will board the aircraft, stow my carry-on, put my seat belt on, grab my book, and start reading. I would not be able to even tell you if I'm sitting next to a man or woman. I don't pay attention and I sure as heck don't talk to them. I can count on one hand the times that I've talked to the person next to me.....and you know how often I fly.

When I got to my seat (exit row middle), it was occupied. The man who was supposed to be sitting in the aisle seat was in my seat. I asked him if he wanted to sit there because I would rather have the aisle. He said it didn't matter, so I took the aisle seat. I am the least observant person in the entire universe, but I noticed how this guy was sitting even before I sat down. You know how guys sit with their legs spread WIDE and it usually isn't noticeable until you're in a confined space? Well that's how he was sitting. He moved a little when I sat down. I thought it would all be okay. THEN he started chatting. Ugh! So I played along and by the time we took off, he was in his space and I was in mine with my book and all was okay with the world again.

I had my book in my lap and, after a few minutes, out of the corner of my eye I noticed movement. It was as if the guys' leg was ever so slightly moving up and down but at the same time, it was flexing. I don't know how else to explain it. And with every little movement, that damn thing got closer and closer to MY leg! I moved my leg away from him when I started feeling him rub against my leg. I figured it was an accident and let it go. Then it continued and that's when it dawned on me that he had a jacket over him. How many guys do you know that will lay their jacket over themselves to keep warm? The first thing my hubby does is throw his jacket in the overhead bin. This guy kept adjusting the damn thing. THAT'S when I realized that I could see one hand, but not the other. I thought "Lord! You did not put me here next to a perve, did you?"

It gets better! I pulled down my tray table when the flight attendants came by with drinks. I think that's about the same time my new boyfriend decided that he needed to rub his knee. Wait, did I say HIS knee? It's one thing to rub your knee, but at one point, I saw him trying to figure out where my leg went.....THAT'S HOW FAR THE ASS WAS REACHING OUT WITH HIS FINGERS! I got my book between my leg and his and the idiot didn't even flinch or move. By the time the flight was over, I was sitting almost sideways with my legs in the aisle. You have no idea how badly I wanted to fart on him! It's about all I could do to him. Since I travel standby, we are supposed to keep a low profile and not make a scene. Today of all days, I pooped three times! I had nothing left~

I bolted out of my seat when we got to the gate. I never looked back at him and got the hell out of dodge. I know it's just my leg, but I've never in my life felt so violated. I don't hang out with sicko's or perves (except for you guys, of course!). I think people are inherently good (even if some are stupid!). This was just nasty! Now DeeDee......stop laughing and send your jet for my return flight! Mkay?!~

57 comments:

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!
Hot damn I'm #1!!!!!!!
Yessssssss!!!!!!!
Whose the prettiest now!!!!!?
MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DeeDee said...

lol.....Good going Shirley!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

OMG!!! LMAO!!! Why didn't you say something to him? Oh I can't wait to see what Lynn has to say!Couldn't you have quietly talked to the flight attendant and sat in another seat?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Morning DeeDee!

Jodi said...

SHIRLEY - congrats on 1st!!

Waving a wing @ DEE DEE!!!

TINA....omfh!!!! EWWWWWW....I'm all for helping yourself, but not on a freakin' plane!!!

DeeDee said...

Good morning everyone.....

I had to quit for a minute and laugh my ass off! Tina...you get to have all the fun! Was he cute? I would give my farms to have a video of that1 Or to at least have witnessed it....omg.....I'll bet you're not even a member of the "mile high club".....lol......I would have given him a HAND!!! For Gods sake....men have NEEDS!! You shouldn't be so selfish....its in the bible!!
But I can see not wanting to possibly make a scene by getting caught....that would be embarrassing for Delta......

But just how far are you as an employee supposed to take this "low profile"...."don't make a scene" business?

If there is a man in the seat next to you masturbating under his coat and rubbing your leg and you have to ignore that.....at what point do you stop ignoring a situation?

If he had stuck it in your mouth would you have said something then? Well I guess not...not with your mouth full.....ROFLMAO!!!!!

I mean...all kinds of scenarios come to mind regarding how much you have to take as an employee....and they are all hilarious....

This makes you a sitting duck! Your seat mate could drink your tomato juice...eat your peanuts.....take your book....

Honey you have to start taking up for yourself! If you didn't feel like a hand job last night you should have just quietly said...."put your dick in your pants and get your leg off of me or I am going to rip off your head and shit down your neck!"

DeeDee said...

btw Tina...the jet is having that commode replaced from the last time I gave you a ride.....sorry....

Jodi said...

TINA - I would've whacked it with your book!!!

Jodi said...

SHIRLEY - Totally needed the Yak Trax yesterday!! I took one step off our sidewalk on my way to my car for break...and totally went down on my left cheek. Kinda landed in a hurdler's stance. All was not lost tho, cuz I didn't spill a drop of my cawfee!!!

Jodi said...

TEN baby!!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

DeeDee LMAO!

Jodi you should really get a pair of them, they are great!

goldie said...

Good Morning Hooters!!

Way to go Shirley!!

tina~ I don't think I will ever be able to look at your leg the same way.....

I got a new phone!! I figured out how to text and everything. I actually have it on! Unlike last night when Jodi texted and called and I didn't have it on. :)

Ok,I can picture my son as your flight attendant. He would have looked at the guy and said "oh no your not" and told him to put that thing away. He probably would have smacked him for you tina~
He's had a couple stories of people who try to get friskie on the plane, but never anyone who was getting friskie with themselves.ick

Hope everyone has a good day. I will be spending mine trying to figure out my new phone with the frigging keyboard for my emails and my internet - I barely know how to make a call!

Lynn D said...

Morning Glories!!

Shirley as Deedee would say BAM! Congrats!

Tina first off Ewwwwwwwww! Then I thought about it and maybe, just maybe he had jock itch. Ever had an itch in an area that is just not acceptable to scratch in pubic errr I mean public?

I don't know if that is anymore comforting because that means you are now carrying a fungus among us. Hope to hell you wash those pants!

Now this is an instance where I think you would have been justified in alerting the staff to your dilemma. Me I would have moved so fast his coat would have flown into the seat in front of him!

Gloves and a mask I tell you I am going to start carrying them in my purse after reading about your Lady Chatterly moment.

Ewww Ewww Ewww!

Lynn D said...

Deedee LMAO!

Hodi becareful out there. Glad you saved the coffee but I am more worried about you not spilling a drop of blood!

Shirley I hope I have entertained you this morning. lol

Morning Goldie! What airline does your son work for again? I think I want to fly with him!

Jodi said...

GOLDIE - Ha!! I'm VERY proud of you....and practice makes perfect!!!

LYNN - Great "cawfee talk" with you this morning!! And no, didn't lose any blood. Just bruised my ego a bit!!!

goldie said...

Thank you Jodi- I knew you would be proud of me! I was talking to the oldest son yesterday and he said "oh my god, my mother has a cooler phone then I do!" tee hee

Lynn- he works for Virgin America-he is fun, funny, and doesn't take any shit on the plane. He has lots of funny stories to share..

Jodi said...

GOLDIE - He's just jealous!!! ;)

Just_Lin said...

Shirley Congrats on being fairest in the land again!

Tina Too bad you didn't have an open safety pin to hold next to your leg so every time he came close, he'd get a little prick. Oh, yeah, he probably already had a little prick. What an Ass! He should be put on a "no fly" list.

Once, as I was leaving a shopping center and entering the lower level of a parking structure, I had a middle aged man who looked like a sect'y/treas. of a Rotary Club, walk up beside me and ask what color underwear I was wearing. I think my first expression was surprise/shock as I kept walking. Then he said, "I bet they're white." He must have noticed that I had rearranged the keys in my hand so they were protruding from between my fingers so I could gouge his eyes out, if need be. Or maybe it was my "death glare", but he veared away, got into a car and left. Too bad I couldn't see the license plate because I def would have reported him to the police. I think he may have been practicing for bolder moves.

DeeDee ROFLMAO!!!!

Jodi I'm so glad you didn't hurt yourself or spill your cawfee. If it was me, I probably would have pulled something that shouldn't be pulled.

Goldie Figuring out new phones can be an all day project but fun, too. Good luck!

LynnD I almost forgot...you DO have that safety pin you could remove from your bra to punish anyone who comes too close.

sacBarb said...

Happy Friday Owls.

OMG, Tina, double ewwwwww. What was the person sitting by the window doing while all this was going on? Isn't it about a two hour flight from UT to SoCal? I don't know a guy who can KEEP UP that kind of activity for that long. But apparently I don't know the right kind of guys.

sacBarb said...

Shirley, you are the prettiest again today.

Waving a wing also to Dee, Jodi, Goldie, Lynn, J/L and all the Owls who land later.

I have errands to run today and then I am meeting some former co-workers for dinner. I hope the fog lifts soon. I hate driving in fog. People just don't slow down. BBL

sacBarb said...

21

sacBarb said...

22

sacBarb said...

bye

Zona said...

TINA: I think you should have titled this blog.."Tents on a Plane" ijs! I wonder if he was singing "Hot Leg" to himself..no he was probably too busy panting.. ;)

The whole incident is just gross..and to think you couldn't say a word..omg! I feel bad..but then again I can just see your face and I have to laugh too..

By the way..could you tell us which flight it was and the seat number he was in..kinda want to avoid sitting there if I ever fly Delta again..kwim? ;)

whabbear said...

Tina: I'm surprised you took this so well. To me, his behavior verges on the criminal... seriously! I think I would have made an issue of it with the captain and had him moved.

With one caveat: He happened to be Mayor Mike McGinn of Seattle (check him out, owls. He's the first bona fide "Bear Mayor" of a major city [straight, unfortunately]. And he's to die for). Then I would have asked for a blanket, too! :D

Sorry. But I think having sex with somebody I was really attracted to on a plane would be totally hot!

Zona said...

SHIRLEY: Hot damn..this is your jam..you got FIRST in the A.M.!! Congrats!

JODI: 'Whacking' may not have been the best choice of words..LMAO!!

DEEDEE: After reading your comment and trying not to fall out of the chair laughing..you almost did me in with 'Eat your peanuts..' and I don't know why...omg...need..my..inhaler.!!

JODI2: Yeowch! I can do that on a perfectly dry, sunny day..hope you're ok!

GOLDIE: People getting frisky on Virgin America is just wrong on so many levels! ;)

J/LIN: OMG..how scary is that? A guy called out to me in a parking lot when I was 17 and asked me if I wanted to 'pet their puppy'..I was so innocent I thought he really had a puppy..uh...no...My friend and I left right away and she actually called the cops when we got home. She still teases me about 'petting the puppy' though!

BARB: Maybe he took Viagra..just in case.. ;)

Zona said...

TINA: I was just wondering..can you report him now that you're off the plane? Maybe they can flag him and keep an eye on him next time he flys your airline..I mean..really..it is just so icky.

Mary/MI said...

Tina, I know you were prolly in a state of shock, but honestly with all the air security shit going on, he could have been building a bomb!
I kinda felt violated just reading lol!!

DeeDee, You have the most amazing/warped sense of humor! One reason I love yah rotf!!!

Shirley, I am still trying to decide on the best/prettiest. I will have to find a pic of Apollo Ono. I kinda like 'em young :)

Jodi, Mr Mary has done that and never spilled a drop of his beer lol!!

Goldi, it took me a while to figure out my new phone. If I remember right, Diane helped me.

LynnD, Dam girl that made my skin crawl and itch!!!

Barb, careful out there in the fog. Have fun at dinner!

Zona,I have been visualizing her facial expressions too lol! I would prolly have took my book and "accidentally" dropped it in his lap! OOPS!! lol!

Just_Lin said...

Mary Maybe you should clarify exactly what Mr. Mary was also doing. LOL

Mary/MI said...

Justlin, well, he wasn't "doing it" on a plane lol!!!

Lynn D said...

J/L I was thinking the same thing! Damn Mr. Mary must be really skilled! Bet he had lots of practice in his youth. Yeah that's it.

Just_Lin said...

LynnD LOL! Practice makes perfect, as the saying goes. :)

Tina~in_ut said...

i have it on good authority that Mr. Mary hasn't practiced in years~ :)~

Mary/MI said...

Tina!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

Maureen said...

TINA...that is gross but hilarious! Maybe it's funny cuz it happened to you...not me!! You should have texted JANICE and had her find out who he is and have him totally flagged for his next flight! Maybe he was excited by your beauty, as you were the prettiest on the plane.

DEE DEE...OMG! You so need to write a novel or a screenplay!

HODI...You shouldn't be wearing CFM pumps in this weather...ijs!!

SHIRLEY...You are the prettiest of pretties. Just be careful if someone says...'come here my pretty'!

GOLDIE...have fun with your new fangled fone!

ZONA...got out of the grossry and it WASN'T snowing!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!

Mary/MI said...

Hi MO!!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

OK people guess what I did today...you can't...well then I will tell you.

Mum calls and asks if I'm coming over. I told her I was and she said to hurry cause my sister had her car stuck in the driveway (in a snowbank). So I call my taxi and go up there and spend the next 30/45 minutes shovelling. Oh my sister had left cause she was mad. She came home just as I was finished, got in and drove away.

I went inside and started taking down Christmas decoration and the tree that was still up. My sister comes home with groceries and helps. Then we had supper and put a few more boxes of stuff away. I get tired (it's about 7) so my sister and I get ready for her to take me home.

Now mum's house is on a hill and the driveway is not straight. My sister starts to back down the driveway (her car has to be up by the house so she doesn't have to carry stuff far), goes too far to the left and gets stuck...again. She can't get het door open so I get out and shovel, with only one YakTrax on my foot cause the other one came off in the car.

I shovel enough, tell her to turn her wheels and go easy...success...or so I thought. She gets unstuck but turns her wheels the wrong way and goes into another snowbank. When she stops trying to get out of this one she has the car sideways in the driveway. She gets out of the car screaming she can't do the...this fucking stupid car...rant...rant...rant...and goes into the house.

So I start to shovel again. I figure if I can clear enough in the back I can turn the car around so it is facing the road. As I'm shoveling a guy walks by with his little dog. He stops on the sidewalk and looks for a minute then says the words I was hoping he wouldn't say
"Is your car stuck?"
Now keep in mind the back of the car is in a snowbank and I am standing there with a shovel. I would like to have said,"No, we just like to park it this way!"
Instead I said,"Yeah, it's my sister's car and this is the 3rd time today." He laughed, said he would take his dog home and come back. He did, and by that time my sister came out of the house, got in, backed up a little and the car turned perfectly.

As she was taking me home I told her NOT to take the car up by the house again. We will see. She is going away tomorrow, but I bet she gets stuck again!

Needless to say my back is hurting and my knees are hurting and I'm tired!

Tina~in_ut said...

shirley.....all i want to know is this: Did the guy touch ur knee?~ ija~

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

No Tina he was on the other side of the car. If he had he would have been walking home with a shovel up his ass! I was in no mood!

Tina~in_ut said...

you know....the least you could have done was given him a blow job for all his help~ ijs~

Dianne/Denver said...

I talked to TINA when she was getting off the plane last night and she was really freaked out but couldn't say much as there were too many people around her. I was able to get more info later on. Of course, I couldn't help but laugh as she was telling it as only TINA can tell a story but it was creepy.

I emailed her later and asked her if she thought the guy might work for Delta too? She said she had just thought of that and checked the register and he didn't as that would have even made it more strange but at least she could maybe report him.

MARY: I laughed and laughed at your story about your husband as I thought (like some of the others) that you were telling us he did that and didn't even spill his coffee! I thought....how sweet that MARY is that comfortable with us to reveal that about MR MARY!! (but it would have been creepy too)

Dianne/Denver said...

SHIRLEY: What a nice guy to come and help. When the car was dug out...you should have just got in it and drove yourself home and then you would be have a ride in the AM. Now that would have given your sister a rant!!!

TINA and her leg...and that is exactly why I won't share a bed with her on a trip...j/s. I am glad your dad's appointment went well and he is doing good. A great relief for all of you. Now are you home or waiting another day or two?

MARY: I did help you with you phone. My granddaughters would be hysterical thinking that I helped someone with a phone when they have to set mine up for me. I have had my new Blackberry for a few months and haven't even read the book yet. Well, some things were the same as the old owe and like I said...youngest set up the ring tones, etc. SOOOOOO Good luck GOLDIE on your phone.

ZONA: your story makes me realize after knowing you and meeting you twice why when you are talking to MRZ you sometimes bark and say, "here little puppy/" It puts things into a whole new perspective. Woof Woof

Ok...guess what? I am going for a root canal on Tuesday. What you say...another one? This tooth is an old root canal that has gone bad after many years so they will take the screw out and fix it for a million or two dollars. All my different dentists are on my regular monthly living expense bill pay. I won't be cooking (!) and will have to lay around for a couple of days because I will be "sick" after all this work so be prepared. I also went to my dr today and complained about feeling so blue and a few other aches and pains and told her that I had taken myself off a kind of hormone med and she suggested I take it again at least once a week. My daughter and husband strongly agree with her.

Ok...of to a late basketball game for GD and then a wrestling tournament 8AM on the other side of town tomorrow and then to the movie and dinner with a couple we have known forever...then football on Sunday.

Bebbilane said...

Shirley: Congrats on first!

Tina: Ew, what a perve. That is so gross. Standby or not, i would have asked to move. I fly stand by a lot too and I am sure that one of the flight attendants would have been sympathetic..that is just SO GROSS!

ew.

Bebbilane said...

One time in Houston I was driving my son to a Mother's day out program at the church. He was a baby and in a car seat (back when car seats could be in the front seat). This guy in a white van pulls up beside me as we were driving and lifts up and shows his big ASS hard on and his hand on it. It was so SHOCKING. OMG>.i was sick after that...it was so awful.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Dianne can't you just have the damn tooth taken out?

Bebbilane said...

DEEDEE: LOL that was right on target...roflmao.

Bebbilane said...

50 for good measure.

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Tina...no...

goldie said...

Shirley- I am convinced that you are part saint. because I would have told her to get her ass out of that car/house and shovel herself out "you stupid bitch" - no mind you, this is just me...

I am having a fine old time trying to access internet, get my emails, texts and phone messages. Forgive me if i eff up!!

Mary/MI said...

Mr Mary did NOT I repeat did NOT,do the nasty while holding a beer can!
Jodi, tell them what I was talking 'bout! LOL!!

I told Jim what I read & he ALMOST spilled his Miller light laughing!!!

Tina, he did say he would love to travel with you and said he would even buy a trench coat.

Mary/MI said...

Shirley, I have an awful feeling you will be hurting tomorrow. You better take an anti-inflammatory pill!

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

Unfortunately Mary I didn't get to the mall today (going tomorrow)and I don't have any here. If I don't show up tomorrow in the #1 spot could someone come help me roll out of bed?

Shirley(NCC-1701) said...

No Goldie I am no saint..lol! Even when she was there she just kept swearing and saying "I can't do this!!!" and then she would stomp off. I mean I do know how frustrating it is to get your car stuck...not 3 times in the same driveway on the same day though!

night.owls.sb said...

Soooo Funnnnn

"Porn on a Plane" heck its better than "Snakes on a Plane"

Wish I was there :(

night.owls.sb said...

I had a long day.. but wanted to stop by before I hit the hay..

I did not read all the comments but I will catch up tomorrow..

Tina.. thanks ever so much for the blogs you have been writing, I
appreciate your help more than you know..

Mary.. Thanks for yesterday's blog, and I love your mom's first name.. its a beautiful...just as she was..

Ok.. my eyes are shutting as I type this..

Nite everyone!

Tina~in_ut said...

I've been in and out all day, but wanted to come in and comment before i hit the hay~

I'm over the ewwwwwww....and on to better things, but thank you all for letting me vent~ DeeDee.....i think there is a special place in hel...i mean Heaven just for you~ :D

I'm still in CA until tomorrow night~ I got GREAT news about my dad. His cancer is in remission. They want him to keep taking the chemo because of the type of cancer that he has, but for now...he's as good as he can be~ Thank you all for your prayers~

I'm wiped, so I'm gonna go to bed~ Di...I'm not sure if it's my day or your entire weekend that has me pooped~ :)~

Dianne/Denver said...

Well its 7;09am my time and gulp I'm up and thought maybe I could get first for my one time a year so I'm counting this as first. I'm not only up but in the car riding. Who gwts up on a sat at this time--farmers maybe. I haven't been in bed all that long so I hope time for a nap before movie

Remember u heard it here first on saturday