by Tina~in_utIt is so hard to know what to say when someone passes. Whether it’s a relative, a friend, or a neighbor, there is usually nothing that can be said that will help the grieving person. I want to tell them that their loved one is in a better place, but I don’t want to ignore the grief that they are experiencing now.
When we lose someone young, the focus is on the parents and brothers and sisters left behind and the fact that the youngster didn’t get a chance to live a full life. Those situations are the hardest for me. It makes me so grateful for my healthy children.
When we lose someone older, the focus is on the grown children. I haven’t lost a parent, but I remember my parents losing their parents and how hard it was on them. I remember my grandmother being in a coma for a year, and my mother finally told her that it was okay for her to let go. When she did, and even though my mom was “prepared”, she was completely devastated when it happened. On the other hand, when my grandfather died, it was sad, but he was 95 years old, and hadn’t been able to take care of himself for a long time. I was probably the most irreverent grandchild ever. My cousins and I sat and giggled at his funeral. We made up stories about how Papa was driving a big truck in fields full of wildflowers with our grandmother in Heaven. And for good measure, we added a cat to the story. (He hated cats!)
When I think of Tinka’s mom, I am sad for the family, yet I can’t help but think how wonderful it is for her to be with her other daughter now. She is pain-free, able to walk and dance and run. They are together in Heaven and able to watch over Tinka…..and that…..makes me smile.
**************************
54 comments:
1st??
Wahoo! Good morning Hooters!!!
Very beautiful blog tina~
It is so true- there just are not words that can be said to ease someones pain. It has to come from within and the prospective of the situation.
When my dad died, he was in so much pain and had suffered for so many years that it really was a blessing. As heartbreaking as it was, it was for the best. To this day I always say if he had asked for Kevorkian, I would have made the call.
My heart goes out to Audrey and her family as well.
Morning Glories!
Helllooo Goldie! 1st!
Tina that is a beautiful blog and so true.
What do you say? It is such a hard time for a family to go through. I can only say that I am thinking about Tinka and her family today and praying they can comfort each other.
I will be back in a bit.
Tina -thank you for your blog today - it really says it all..
Tinka - continued thoughts and prayers for you during this difficult time..
Goldie - congrats on first!!
Lynn D - good morning..
I hope everyone has an excellent day!!
(I'm running late now!! YIKES)..
:-)
TINA - Thank you for a beautiful blog. Once again it shows your true heart!! My heart goes out to TINKA, but I really do believe that God took her Mom to a better place....free of pain, with a mind that is as sharp as a tack, and yes, she is reunited with her daughter and husband once more.
Waving a wing at GOLDIE - congrats on first!!!
I need to get a few things done before I meet MR. JODI for lunch at the place that we met!!
Good morning LYNN D & MEK!!! I hope you both have a great day. :D
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JODI!!!
GOLDIE - Thanks for the Anniversary Wish!!
10......for TINKA! :D
Good Morning
What a very nice blog, and how true, that its hard to come up with words to say to the family when someone passes away. My mother always told me the best words to say is I'm sorry, and give them a hug. I also heard from my priest that when you pass away you go back to being your young self, where you looked good and felt good. In my heart I believe that when babies pass away they go to a nursery in heaven and are taken care of by a family member, my girlfriend was also told this by her pastor when her baby passed away right after she was born, I think this comforted my girlfriend and made her go on. Now she has 3 beautiful kids.
My heart goes out to Audrey and her family, no matter what age your parent is when they pass away its still Very hard on the child. My FIL and his sister were in their mid 60's when their father and mother passed away and they were very sad.
I want to Thank you all for your wonderful comments and prayers for my son, Anthony. Hes a good kid, hes 13, but my neighbors are making his life and our family's life a living HELL!!!!! You see they all have PERFECT CHILDREN, and they can do no wrong. Yes, Anthony is a button pusher, But it started again yesterday, when I had to take my mom to the Doctors and Vincent & Anthony had to go get Victor off the Elementary school bus, well all the mothers and fathers are down there huddeled in a circle leaving no room on the sidewalk, (per bus rules DO NOT WALK ON PEOPLES GRASS, right in the handbook) so Anthony said excuse me and walked thru the circle of moms and dads, they started swearing at him and told him (my next door neighbor) not to touch her daughter no F***in more. Vincent said he didn't touch her, then she really started swearing and cussing at him. So he came home locked the doors and her husband called Anthony on the phone and told him to get me on the phone, Anthony said my moms not home, he did not believe Anthony, Anthony said shes at the doctor with my grandmother, I don't know when shes coming home, he said well if you F***in touch my wife and daughters again, I will come to your F***in house, and take your F***in 13 year old A$$ and beat the F*** out of you. Anthony told me this on the phone, when I got home I called the Police. I let the Police Handle it I did not want to get more upset, as I have been upset for the past week. So from now on, I will be driving and picking up my kids from school. When I go take Victor to school at 8:15 3 mothers and 1 grandfather was out there standing at the busstop, (kids were already gone) it was so hard for me to drive past them today, and I did nothing wrong, they were starring me down, I want to go outside and do some yard work, but I feel stupid. I just want to MOVE, but in todays economy we can't afford it. My husband said to me you have nothing to be ashamed of just hold your head high, its easier said than done, if anyone can offer advice or give me strength I would appreciate it.
Good morning, Owls!
Jodi..happy, happy anniversary! I hope you and Mr. Jodi have a fabulous day and a wonderful anniversary lunch.
Tinka...many, many thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I wish I was home in Victoria right now to be there if you needed anything. I send you hugs and good thoughts and concern and love from a few miles away.
Tina...I think you always know the right thing to say....you are amazing with words. Thank you for a beautiful blog. I so agree...Tink's Mom is dancing and running and walking with Tink's sister and they are watching over Tink. I hope our wonderful friend can take comfort in knowing that.
It is so hard to know what to say when someone passes, but it continues on sometimes too. Today I am visiting students in the town where my brother who passed away last year had lived. When I am here I stay with his wife and kids. Today would have been their thirtieth wedding anniversary and tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the day he was diagnosed. I can't fully understand what this day (or tomorrow) must be like for her and I have no idea what to say..but hopefully the words will come. And if they don't there all always hugs.
And I send hugs to everyone who needs one today!
renee eve,
You have nothing to be ashamed of! I hope the police were of help and I would continue to call them if they harrass your son or anyone else. Threatening a 13 year old is so not acceptable.
I know that this might sound uncomfortable, but I really believe you need to set up a meeting with the other parents and neighbors to discuss what is going on. Perhaps you can work this out, and maybe you could have someone like your pastor or school counselor there with you guys. All this animosity is not good or going to get better until you all get it in the open and are aware of what the real problems are.
JMHO- I am sending you warm hugs and hope that the situation can be worked out.
VIG - A hug is always the right thing to do when you don't have the words. As a matter of fact....this is a ((((HUG)))) for you as you are still dealing with that year of "firsts".
RENEE - I think your hubby is correct in telling you to go about your business with your head held high. I'm sure it's easier said than done, but I'm sure they are just waiting for you to confront them, and I don't think that will solve anything. You did the right thing by calling the police. How dare they talk that way to your son.....SHAME ON THEM!!
Thank you Goldie and Jodi,
I did write a LONG blog on the whole story and how this all escalated. It took me 1 hour to compose if your interested in reading it its on my myspace, if your not on my friends list just request and I will accept. I'm just soooo tired of fighting in this world.
Good morning, Owls!
Goldie Congrats on #1 today!
Tina What a wonderful blog you wrote! You are so good at expressing yourself through your writing. I really admire that.
I guess, when it comes down to it, any words offerred with love are appreciated. Just knowing there are people who care, is a source of comfort. When my husband died, the expressions of love and sympathy did not lessen my grieving but they did help get me through it. Just knowing that others acknowledge your pain, is helpful in some way.
((((Tinka and family))))
Renee I can't believe your neighbors behaved so badly and immaturely! What jerks!
Audrey
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your Mother. I know that she is in Heaven. Her pain is gone and she is reunited with other loved ones who have passed. I am grateful that your Mom lived a long life here on this earth. I know you will miss her and your heart is hurting. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
ReneeEve
I am sorry that you live in a neighborhood where people say that they are Christians but then turn around and verbally abuse a 13 year old boy. Ignore them and let the police handle it. You can't talk any sense into people who are as agressive as what you described. Just let the authorities be the middle man and trust me the law will not allow this to continue. If anyone comes to your house uninvited then put a restrainer on them.If they ignore the restrainer and are found at your church, grocery store, etc. then have them arrested. You might even consider hiring a lawyer for and go after these neighbors for emotional abuse. They need to be taught a lesson and that can only be done via the laws because obviously they have no conscious or moral fiber.
Good Morning Everyone.
TINA: Your blog today is beautiful. It really is difficult to know what to say to someone who loses a loved one. It always seems like you have either said too much, or too little. Do you share with the person who is grieving happy memories of the one they've lost...or is it too soon to do that? Should you try to help them smile..or let them work through their sadness? Sometimes there is a very fine line, and you have to tread lightly to find it.
TINKA: Once again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mom is smiling down on you now, with your sister and your dad by her side. I always picture my mom sitting on a bridge, dangling her feet in a stream. I wonder now if your mom will sit down next to her and they will talk to each other about their daughters? How wonderful would that be??
Much love to you TINKA, now and always.
GOLDIE: Congrats on FIRST!
JODI: Happy Anniversary!
VIG: I know today and tomorrow will be difficult days..and I am sending you big {{{HUGS}}}.
MEK: I knew you were running late when you didn't get first! ;)
Jodi Happy Anniversary! I hope you're having a wonderful, sentimental lunch with your hubby! Lunch, is that what we're calling it these days? LOL
Good Morning J/LIN...your post saying that there is a sense of comfort just knowing someone cares..is very true.
JUST LIN - Thanks for the Anniversary Wishes....lol @ that's what we're calling it!!! I really did eat!!! :P
Tinka~ I love you~
Goldie~ congrats on first~ thank you for your sweet words~
Mek and LynnD~ thank you as well~
Jodi~ Congrats on your 87th Anniversary....or is it less than that and only feels that long? :D Thank you~ mwah~
vig~ thank you for your kind words. I'll be saying a prayer for your family. Hopefully your SIL will be okay today~
J/L~ thank you....~
Zona~ thanks for your kindness~ You almost made me cry with the picture of your mom and Tink's mom together~ How sweet a thought!
Yes Jodi~ but WHAT did you eat?
TINA - A big juicy BBQ bacon cheeseburger. We're saving dessert for LATER!!!
Just here to thank Tina for speaking for all of us today.
Goldie:
Congrats on First!
Tina:
Your words were endless, written with such ease, words put everything in order, Great Blog! Kudos...and
Thank You!
Tinka:
My thoughts are with you
Jodi:
Happy Anniversary, Glad you enjoyed lunch with your hubby.. Now about dessert, I love me some Italian Pastries, what are your faves?
I did not read all the comments as of yet, I will a bit later..
Hope all is having a good day...See ya all later..
:O)
30
♥♥♥
32
Tinka, I'm so very sorry for your loss and hope you know that I am thinking of you. I know there are no words to say right now--just know that you are loved and hugged tightly.
Tina, very nice, heartfelt blog. I'm sure it will be very special to Tinka.
I haven't been around in a few days as we are dealing with our own crisis right now and I truly thank all of you have sent prayers and kind thoughts my way. With all that is happening with Tinka, I just wanted all thoughts and prayers to go out to her.
My dear Aunt, who is like my second mother, had a major heart attack while visiting her grandson in NY. So far, she is hanging in there. I JUST hung up with my Mom who said my aunt made it through the testing and they were able to fix the paper thin heart artery and are now dealing with her declining kidney function. She's not out of the woods but she sure is a fighter!
Happy Anniversary to Jodi!
DonnaJean, I didn't get to read all the comments but did see that Laurie Elizabeth had an infection--I hope she's all better by now.
Renee, you poor girl having to deal with neighbors like that. I think what Goldie said is so right even though it's so hard. It's not good for you and your boys to live with that kind of stress and tension--it needs to be cleared. You know I'm here if you need to talk.
So sorry I can't call each of you out to say hello--HELLO FABULOUS OWLS!
Hey ladies and Whabbear! lol
First of all, my heart goes out to you Tinka!!! I am so so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother:(
I have missed you all! I am still not up and running normally haha
Hope to be soon..Checking in to let y'all know I'm alive and see what's happening around here!
Take care everyone! Until my next check-in....(((((HUGS))))) to all!
Sandie I'm so sorry about your aunt. Yes, it sounds like she is a fighter! (((HUGS)))
Joey I was just thinking about you last night and was hoping you'd check in. I hope your computer problems get fixed soon. You are missed here in the nest. (((HUGS))) back to you, too.
Hello Owls.
Tina, Thanks for expressing what we all feel in such a heartfelt blog. It is still hard to know what to say even though I've been through it myself.
Tinka, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing OK. I know you have your family around you so you can all be strength for each other. Keeping you in my prayers.
Goldie, Congrats on first today.
Sandie, I am so sorry that your Aunt is so ill and I will be keeping her in my prayers, also.
Joey, So good to see you beck in the nest. I hope you don't wait until things are normal to come back...what IS normal, anyway?
Renee, I agree with Goldie that you need to clear up the real reason for your neighbors actions. Maybe a school counselor can help mediate a meeting. How would they like it if someone spoke to their child like that? No matter what their problem with Anthony is, there is never a reason to talk to a child using that kind of language. JMO BTW, Did the police talk to them at all?
VIG (((HUGS)))
Waving a wing at all the other Owls. I'm off to a sorority meeting. BBL, hopefully.
What a nice blog, Tina.
Love you Tinka!!!!
39
40...for TINKA...I just know she'd want me to do that...
Tina: What a beautiful blog. I did the same at my grandfather's funeral. I am notorious in the family because I was the oldest and we sat and giggled. What a wonderful well said blog.
Goldie: Congrats on first!!
Tink: I have been thinking of you off and on all day. I am not good with expressing myself especially when it comes to sad / grief stricken events. I just want you to know that you are such a special person and if not for you, I wouldn't have come to this great blog and grew to know such awesome people. Please take care of yourself. I wish I could be there to bring over some food or even if I had your address to send you a card or something. It seems like in times like these that myspace isn't enough. Take care and God Bless you, I know you are probably trying to be strong for your family too. If you feel comfortable, send me your address via myspace, I would really like to send you a little card or something.
Well, take care everybody and I hope that everyone had a pretty good Tuesday.
I am down 22 lbs now. I am so happy about it. Although, tonight I delved a little too much into the italian bread (my weakness) but I went and walked 9141 steps so hopefully I walked some of it off.
Take care all and talk to you soonn.
I will be back later wtih my thoughts, one BUSY night.
Jeez Renee, it sounds like you are going through such a hard time. It is hard with teenagers these days. Why are all the parents so angry, do they think your son did something to the girl next door? That is scary because there is so many consequences to accusations like that. I am just really sorry that people cannot immediately judge on one side of someone's story and not listen or even think of both sides. That is a lynch mob mentality and very scary.
I agree, just hold your head up high and make sure that Anthony realizes he can NEVER even so much as look in the direction of the neighbors. You don't want him to have to be falsely accused of *that*!!! That could follow a young man around for a long time. Times are so different than what they were when we were young. Young kids can't even hug each other or show affection of any kind.
Talk to Anthony about how scary that is these days. Poor guy and poor you for having such ridiculously clannish neighbors. :(
Neighbors can make or break your home life. I had some that were just horrible, they just recently moved and it is so much better. Their son and friends egged all the houses in our cul-de-sac, their daughter accused me of coming in her house (I think she had Turets
syndrome). They moved far away about a month ago and it is so different in our neighborhood.
I am sure it is so stressful. :( This too shall pass though.
Congrats on 1st Goldie!
Tina thank you for your heartfelt blog today.
(((((HUGS))))) to Sandie and her Aunt, Tinka and her family, Donna Jean and Laurie Elizabeth, Renee Eve and her family and anyone else who is hurting.
Hi All....Tina this was a beautiful blog and you said the perfect words. I also wanted to tell you that I am glad your friend and aunt had good news yesterday.
RENEE EVE: I agree with Goldie. I wouldn't let this keep going on when you have to live there everyday.
I went to Blackhawk today, which is a gambling town. My friend and I went at 11:45 and had lunch and talked until 3PM!!! We then went to the penny machines and played until 6pm. This place is in the mountains so I wanted to get down before dark. I came home $10 richer!!! I am not like you MARY/MI...I get excited when I won $20 at one time! It was a nice day and very pretty up there and nice to spend time with my friend.
Still sending hugs and prayers to Tinka, Sandie, Renee Eve, Donna Jean and Laurie and anyone else that needs them.
Tina: You are so right! The words always seem so inadequate in these situations.
Renee: I wish you could move, too. Sometimes a fresh start is the only way out of these situations.
Hello, Joey! :)
Dianne and SacBarb: Your days sound like they were fun!
47
48
49
50
Tinka - that march was for you!!
love ya!!
Good evening, Owls. It has been a very quiet day in the nest today. I guess we are all thinking of our friends that need extra love and support at this time.
(((HUGS))) to everyone who needs them or would just like to have them.
Tina - thank you again for your heartfelt words today!!
:-)
I hope everyone has an excellent Wednesday!!
Good nite all..
Sweet dreams, MEK!
Post a Comment