LUCY AND ETHEL RIDE AGAIN

by Lynn D

Well Lucy and Ethel ride again!  Jodi, this is for you.

My friend Angel and I had to run an errand for the food bank today.  I don't know why, whenever she and I go out together on these missions, it turns into a Lucy show.

The food bank has a private donor that just set up an account with the local Cash and Carry for us.  We get to order fresh produce by the case weekly and then he pays and we pick up.  Sweet deal!  Fresh, fresh, fresh!

Well it was my week to p/u.  Angel and I had not seen each other in a few weeks so we decided to make a day of it and she would help me with the p/u.  We headed into the next big town/city Lacey where Cash and Carry is located.

Okay, can I just say that I knew it was going to be trouble when the cart looked like a flat bed truck?  The frickin cart was loaded taller than me.  At first I thought it was part of their aisle of items to purchase.  It took me a few minutes and several double takes to really get that this was our cart.  I had to push it to the register.  I damn near killed three people on the way as I had no visual at the front.  I muscled the cart to the front and waited patiently to be rung up.  All the time I kept thinking there is no F#@*ing way this is going to fit in Angel's Crown Vic.  Three body trunk or no, it just seemed like an no go.   I figured I would have to come back later and get the rest.  I also kept thinking Angel is going to F&@#ing kill me!  I am standing in line with all of these thoughts running through my head and I start to feel a hot flash coming on.  I think it just might have been a little stressful.

So I waited patiently while the guy rang up 6 cases of cabbage, 4 cases of green onions, 6 25lb bags of carrots, 2 cases of apples, 4 cases of navel oranges, and 2 cases of zucchini.  I think there was more, but it all seemed like a bad dream at this point.  I won't go into how long it took the clerk to ring the crap up because as far as I was concerned, he was doing it all ass backwards.  Finally, total given, check passed to him and he says, "Will you need help with this load?"  Very dead pan.  I look at him and I think my response was, "Uh Yeah."  I think I might have been a little sarcastic.  I know, I know.  Not me.

Well this guy calls someone to the register and then he leaves the register and several customers standing in line to help me with the load.  Okay, can I just say, who came up with this dumb ass system?  The customers in line get all cranky but he just starts pushing my cart out.  This guy had the personality of a cabbage.  I am thanking him profusely and still worried about all of it fitting into Angels car, trying to explain to him that I don't think it will and that I did not place the order, someone else did, and I had no idea they had ordered so much. He just kept giving me his dead cabbage stare.

We get to the car, thank God we had backed it in, Angel pops the trunk and gets out of the car, turns and spots the cart.  I saw her eyebrows shoot up past her forehead, and then she whips her head around and gives me the ole fish eye!!!  Yikes!  I look at her and shrug and I keep repeating like the rain man, "I did not place the order, I did not place the order."  The cabbage clerk, in the mean time, is looking at me and the car like you have got to be kidding.  After I remove a Tonka truck and few other items out of her trunk, I look at him and say, "Well here goes."  Still dead cabbage look. Mr. Personality, NOT.

Angel is in high gear at this point!  Grabbing boxes like a mad woman loading them in the back seat, thank God for big back seats!!!  Luckily she bought this car after her kids were grown.  Cabbage clerk is filling the trunk.  I am handing off produce and mumbling, "I did not place the order.  I can come back for the rest.  I can hold that case of oranges on my lap."  I tell you rain man channeled.  Unfricking believable it all fit!!!! I don't know how, but we got it in the car, one load!  I thank cabbage clerk again and he just gives me the dead look.

Angel and I crawl in the car and look at each other and crack up! Her first words were, "Wow, he had personality didn't he?"  Then we looked at each other again and laughed.  I loudly proclaimed once again, "I did not place the order!"

Finally, we were on our way.  I realized the back end of her car was now a low rider.  Two white women in a Crown Vic loaded to the gills with produce!  Now you have know that this trip takes about 25 minutes to a half hour back to Rainier.  We get about half way back and I shout, "SHIT"!!!  Angel whips her head around and asks, "What? What?"  I just hated to tell her I forget the damn keys to the food bank at my house.  Lord help me!  Thank God there was not anymore room in that trunk for my body!  Not even if she cut me up. She just sighed and started laughing.  We swung by my house and I grabbed the keys and Mr. Lynn D as he was home, to help unload it.

We arrive at the food bank and start unloading.  Angel pops the trunk and I think Mr. Lynn D is going to wet himself from laughing.  He still wants to know how in the hell we got all of that in her car.  We only had one little mishap after that when a box of cabbage went rogue and broke open.  I caught one between my knees.  I thought that was pretty tricky.  We gathered it all up and finally had everything put away, and I hear Angel say, "Remind me next time you call me for help to just say NO!"

I think this is why Angel and I have been friends for over 23 years.  We may reluctantly say yes to helping each other but we always do, and then we laugh our asses off and have great stories to tell later.  Friends!  I hope all of you have a friend that you can turn to no matter what and laugh like crazy with.  I am so damn lucky!