by Shirley
I found these and thought I would share some chuckles with you! Anybody know any more?
jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. jack got high unzipped his fly and said "hey jill, ya wanna?"
mary had a little pig, she kept it fat and plastered, and when the price of pork went up, she shot the little bastard.?
humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.. all the kings horses and all the kings men.. had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
hey diddle diddle, the cat took a piddle, all over the bedside clock. the little dog laughed to see such fun. then died of electric shock.
georgie porgy pudding and pie kissed the girls and made them cry, when the boys came out to play, he kissed them too cause he was gay.
jack and jill went up a hill they each took a quarter, jill came down with fifty cents, did they really go for water?
old mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggie a bone. But when she bent over old Rover took over 'cause he had a bone of his own.
Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up it's ass, and turned it's wool to nylon.
89 comments:
pretty~
bitch
poota!
poota bitch
FREAKIN' WHORE!!
lmao....we did that simultaneously Maureen!! LOL
3 way tie...that's my story and i'm sticking to it
omg!! JODI!! ROFLMAO!!
this is what is referred to as a "cluster fuck".....lol
lmbo!!!!!!
Good morning DEE DEE.....doing some trap shootin' today?!!?
Great minds all think alike!
omg!!!! Janice and I are laughing so hard we're crying!!!!
Little boy blew.
Hey. He needed the money.
TINA - You are lovely.....but MO is the pretties!!
Good morning JANICE!!
shit, damn, ass......PRETTIEST!!!
MO - I wouldn't get too close to Mary when you're drinking....ijs ;)
SHIRLEY - Thanks for the laughs this morning!!
Jodi~ Janice says good morning~
Carol~ I read your post from last night~ What an amazing funeral~ The Bishop~ I bet Sal would have loved it....but then again, had he been there, it wouldn't have even happened, wouldn't it?!~ GET UP!!!!! (you think you can get away from my yelling!!)
Morning Glories!
Oh oh oh, I think Tina chiquited! I saw Jodi and Mo posting early in area 51. Tina you are still beautiful but with a tarnished reputation. (shaking head)
Oh My, Upon reading the other posts here I see your fan club is out in force this morning. They are just shouting terms of endearment at you! I hope they don't have clubs and pitchforks.
Shirley LMAO. It is too early for me to come up with an alternative ditty, but my mind will be rolling that around today. I NEED MORE CAWFEE!
JANICE...good morning! Can ya do me a favor? Bitch slap the whore sitting by you!!!! Thanks!
Good morning LYNN!! Go fetch another cup of cawfee!!
MO - LMBO!!!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a daughter!
Thank you very much. No applause is necessary!
JANICE - Lick her for me.....SHE LOVES THAT!!!
LYNN...good morning sunshine!
JODI...I will stay farrrrrr away from MARY!! It's one thing when y'all were shaving my ass for bacon, but to be shot is entirely different!
Mary had a little lamb...
...so she made a gyro!
JODI...we all know how much TINA likes to be licked!!!! (well, at least the Chicago 13 do!!)
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner...
...masturbating!
Not a rhyme....but a little ditty:
Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.....and pretend that it's a chocolate ice cream cone ♥
SHIRLEY...thanks for the funnies! You always find the greatest things to blog post. You rock!
How do you read this:
APENISINMYMOUTH?
LOL..jeez..32 comments..AND I missed the cluster fuck..damn.
1. A PEN IS IN MY MOUTH or
2. A PENIS IN MY MOUTH
Does everyone need sex or what this morning! haha...you guys are so funny.
Great Nursery Rhymes Shirley..LOL!!
BEBBI...good morning! I guess the answer to your question would be yes!!!!!
MO - #2....I would NEVER put a pen in my mouth ;)
Good morning BEBBI!!
I read it as a penis..didn't even see the pen..lol, so I must need sex too..LOL..that's funny, Maureen!
Good morning Jodi!
Going to work out, because of my laziness I am only going to get 30 minutes working out..oopsy! bye bye puddin pie, kiss the boys on their "one eye".
BEBBI - You totally have to "get some"!! That's considered "working out", too!!
Mo~ You should have seen Janice's face when she read ur post!
Jodi!!! You grossed Janice out!!!
Well, I had no idea this blog would result in these kinds of comments! Good grief!!
Good morning Tina/Janice, Mo and DeeDee! Pretty, prettier and prettiest! I'll let you decide who is who!!
Good morning Jodi, Lynn D and Bebbi!
PENIS
Who puts a pen in their mouth?
SHIRLEY - Good morning!! Total fun this morning in the nest!!
EBJ - EXACTLY!!
TINA - Well, it was that or the dry hump thing....;)
left, left, left, right, left!!!
left, left, left, right, left!!!
50!!!
There I did my exercising for the day!!
I hope everyone has a fun Saturday!! Off to turn in our cans for cash, shopping for Father's Day, and catching some rays ♥
Oh, one more thing......HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOIS!! You know you're my #1 HO from the Flatlands ♥
SHIRLEY: Those are very cute nursery rhymes. I don't think I will recite them to all my grandkids...
LOIS: Happy Birthday and sending good wishes and hope that you have a fun weekend.
J/L: Thanks for the QOTD....hmmm, now I wonder where you find those termites.
TINA; I think my hospital does those exercises you wrote about yesterday every year when I go. Oh well, at least I am going, right? BTW, I saw an email from you asking me who was going to wipe my butt after surgery? I thought I remembered you were going to try and come and take care of me. You at least owe me after me sharing a room with you in Chicago. Oh yea one more thing, someone was wondering if there were any nude pictures of TINA the other day......hello.....I was her roommate so just call and offer me the price and they re yours!!!!
CONGRATS ON FIRST TINA, MO AND DEEDEE. You are all so beautiful but the best today is MO and btw, I am starving so could you set me up with a little bacon this morning?
JODI; I see you agree with me on who is the prettiest. Is your daughter still with LOIS? I'll bet those girls are having lots of fun.
MO: I guess I am nasty as I saw the penis and pen both time but when I saw it was from you I have to admit the penis one jumped right out at me....so to speak.
BEBBI: I hope you win lots of money today and take us all on that much needed cruise!!
LYNN: Drink that cawfee so you will be ready to face the day. How did that fund raiser go and do you have more planned? Are you letting yourself rest some? I hope so and having some fun too.
Well, I am going to be busy trying to get my two year "to do" list done in a couple of days. I don't know why I think I need to do that before my surgery but it must be a nesting thing. I don't have those very often!! :) I wonder if I can MRD to join the fun of helping me....doubtful as he can't understand why I need to clean a closet for an operation! MEN!!!
Why is there a pen in my mouth?
I just want to announce that I got married this morning on Frontierville.
We are registered at the General Store.
Items we will need:
Oxen
Ass
Chickens
Cows
Sheep
Horses
Any kind of cast iron cookware
quilts
plow
shovels
pitchforks
buckets
Could someone be so kind as to send a spare Sears Catalog as we are out of leaves and corn husks. This frontier life is kind of rough.Wait, now that I think about it we also need an outhouse. So any of you who come to help watch out when you hit the back forty. There is an Oak tree and some bushes where it might be a little messy. imjs
I always wondered why Jack be Nimble jumped candlesticks. Very Freudian if you ask me.
Dianne fundraiser went fine. I am staying home today and working on laundry and playing my games. I might read a little and maybe rent a movie on demand. Mr. Lynn D is cooking dinner so I can just have a lazy day! Yay! Wish you would come have that nesting attack at my house. :)
Janice did you lick Tina yet? Be very careful I hear she might emit toxins. Kind of like those rain forest frogs.
DIANNE - Yes, Sam is still at LOIS'S!!! They are having big fun!! They even met Duff, Geoff and Elena from Ace of Cakes (LOIS was on assignment for the paper!!)
LYNN - Enjoy your "you" day!! You so deserve it!!!
Taking Jake to Madison.....he has been on my ass for 2 days to go the Goodman Pool. Nice pool with a couple water slides. It is a gorgeous day here....and I really could use some color!! Yes, GOLDIE....I have the sunscreen packed!!
Later HO's!!!
Hi guys!
I have had the worst time logging into the blog today..but I finally made it!
SHIRLEY: Loved the nursery rhymes..so did Mr Z! Thanks for the laughs today!
TINA, MO and DEEDEE: Congrats on pretty, gorgeous and beautiful this morning!
JODI: I could have sworn that little ditty had different lyrics.. ;)
MARY: Your poor lamb! ;)
DIANNE: I don't think you're nasty..some things just have better mouth appeal than others.. :D
LYNN: Sending you an ass..his name is Glen..he'll love being tied to that oak tree.. ;)
BEBBI: I didn't see the pen either..couldn't figure out why MO was asking which way we read it..LOL.. ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOIS!!
EBJ: Good question! :D
I just got done helping Mr Z trim the trees in the front yard..the monsoons are coming and we want to make sure those old limbs can stand up to the winds. A chainsaw was used and no appendages were lost..yay!! :D
Trimming trees is hot work..even if you're only holding the ladder..lol..now we're going swimming! Have a great day!
Hey DeeDee..thanks for the tip on race #2! I put that horse to win and won it..but Hammered in Heels came in dead last..didn't work out so well for my exacta on both..haha...oh well, and hubby that was the only one that was hammered and he just wished he was in heels..LOLOL.
So, that was the only ticket I cashed all day. Woo hoo! $8.60 on a $2 ticket..thanks! :) I
Man, am I glad to get home and get that girdle off..goodness!
Di: Didn't win lots of money but had a great time with friends.
Lois: Happy Birthday!! :) I hope you have a great day!
Kathy..yep..we are two of a kind..except you don't go into funks like I do (you are lucky about that!).
Happy Saturday Owls.
Shirley, Love the nursery rhymes.
Tina, Mo, & Dee, three dazzling beauties in first. I was blinded by the light...♪♪ Oh, and you're very entertaining too. LOL
Jodi, love your little ditty. My hubby had one he sang a LOT...
"I keep my pants up with a piece of twine, because you're mine, come pull the twine." (He was a big Johnny Cash fan)
Lynn, If you play that new game does that mean you HAVE to get married? Now I KNOW I don't want to play.
Zona, Good for you, finding an ass on such short notice.
Waving wildly to all the other Owls.
P.S. Happy Birthday Lois.
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
'twas Little Boy Blue with a horn.
Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have u got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.
There, now to my farms lol!!
Jodi, sorry I missed your call. I left my phone in the car and didn't miss it until a few minutes ago!
I had 2 open houses to day and couldn't resist the scrumptious food! I a, soooo bloated! I better get Bebbi to whip me back into shape!
K, now I really have to check my farms!
MARY - Verrrr nice!!
BEBBI - Congrats on your win!!
ZONA - Glad no appendages were lost!! Noodle time!!
BARB.....Zona, Good for you, finding an ass on such short notice......laughed my freakin' ass off!!!
Heading over to watch Oregon Marching Band's show. They were at band camp all week and are having a run thru tonight!!
MARY - That's ok.....still hard to see the pic you sent me. Is that your leg?!!?
68
69!!!
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssss!!!!!
Sorry I've been MIA this week... my blog is consuming me! :(
Shirley, Georgy Porgy cracked me up!!!
Zona,Zona,Zona, I really don't think I need an ass named Glen. He would keep me up night and day braying nonsense. If you send him I will let you know I would have to sell that ornery ass.
Barb, what you don't want to get married? I suppose you could live in sin. After all it is the frontier.
Off to watch some TV in a bit.
Hope everyone has a great evening.
Good evening everyone!! I'm glad I could bring some chuckles to the Manor!! I know some of you have been having a rough time and laughter can help. (((HUGS))) everyone and good night!
OK...group grope!! Come on, get in a little closer...hey, watch it...was that you grabbing my boob Tina?...DeeDee watch where you put your hands...owe...OHHHH!!!...Bebbi!!...Mary get in here...Lynn, Dianne where are you...oh! there you are.
Shirley: In between the horse races I went on my phone today and read those nursery rhymes to my friends..they LOL'd!! Thanks for being our comic relief between races. :) Good Job YOu! *GROPE*...boob grab.
IT must be Slutty Saturday at the nest.
OMG.. LOL @ this morning's comments..
:O)
Bebbi..
I think you got it right..
"slutty saturday" LOL
Shirley..
Loved your group grape!!!
LOL
You guys are cracking me up.. so good to chuckle..
Jodi..
How fun for Sam.. that is great..
Lois..
Hope you had a great birthday..
Mo..
"bitch" @ 9:01am.. LOL
Sacbarb..
"blinded by the light" LOL
the more I read the more I laugh!!!
Mary...
LOL LOL "Mary had a little lamb"
Jodi..
"Janice Lick her for me"
LMAO.. LMAO..
What a great way to end the day.. reading Dee's post..
"cluster fuck" LOL
I went to my cousins house this evening it was my godchild's birthday, I can't believe she is 9, it went by so fast.. I had a good time..it was good to be with family, we played games.. and it sure did get my mind off things..
Tomorrow.. all will be here for Fathers Day.. BBQ.. I am sooo looking forward to it.. Well not the heat tho its suppose to be 90.. yikes.. which means we will be in the house most of the day with the A/C rockin it out..
My membership ran out on the gym I joined last year.. a new gym LA Fitness opened up, its brandy spankin new, and I loved it, I went on a tour today.. its 20 min from my house vs the 7 min the other gym was at.. but this one is so much nicer.. I am hoping to go three times a week.. right after work.. I can bring my gym clothes to work and then change at the gym, the locker room is great so big and it does not smell of sweaty feet.. I am very excited..
I truly had a great day.. felt so good to be me..
Ok.. off to bed.. hope all sleeps well..
I'm sorry I'm so late again. :(
Tina It appears that you are a pretty bitchy poota. Even the Pope and Mother Teresa can't change that.
LynnD I loved your wedding registry. I'll sashay over to the general store and pick out somethin' right nice for ya. Oh, and a Sears and Roebuck catalog. It's as good as gold.
MO Well, if it was a penis and I mistook it for a pen, the guy has a bit of a problem...imho.
And LOL at asking Janice to bitch slap Tina. :D
Bebbi Crap! I missed the cluster fuck AND the group grope. It's just not my day.
Jodi I hope you enjoyed your day with Jake.
SacBarb In the frontier, it's fun to have a spouse because you can use them to do all the heavy duty stuff like chopping down trees and killing snakes. In fact, you can make them do everything. : )
Bear Missed you.
Mary Thanks for the extra laughs.
Carol It sounds like you really had a wonderful day. Isn't that great to feel good to be you? xoxo
Zona Yay for everyone keeping all their appendages.
Dianne Uh, yeah, you are nasty. LOL
Shirley Thanks for the laughs today. I especially laughed at the Mother Hubbard one. These remind me of an incident in high school. The teacher had assigned the class to write a poem. A male friend of mine was no poet and, unfortunately, he was asked to read his poem to the class. It caused quite an uproar. It was:
Mary had a little lamb
She took it to her bed
She didn't know it was a ram
Now, Mary has a little lamb.
DeeDee Ooops! Didn't mean to miss you. Especially when you're packin'.
SLIN - I had a really fun day with Jake!! My favorite was when we were at the pool and he and a couple of boys that he met were all squealing like little girls going down the waterslides!! Totally cracked me up!!
CAROL - I'm glad you got to feel like "you" yesterday!! Muah ♥
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