by Shirley
Some one liners you will either laugh at or groan at. Enjoy!
A closed mouth gathers no foot. (this made me think of Carol)
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. (this could be any of us)
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. (this one is for Zona)
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system. (for Jodi and Lynn)
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. (I love this one!!)
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
Confucius Say
Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs
38 comments:
first
Morning Glories!
Thanks for the laughs this morning Shirley. I needed them!
I resent you remarks about my cawfee intake however.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
I like this one! :)
Morning Lynn... Happy first!
Shirley.. LOL, my fav, well you should actually have guessed the one.. "The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette" YAY Porn!
:)
Good morning,
Congrats on 1st Lynn!
Shirley loved the fun blog this morning. Thank you!
I just wrote a very long post about the shit from yesterday. Decided not to go to that level and erased.
I would like to point out the home page, which clearly states that we are cordial and respectful here.
Name calling, belittling, etc. are not allowed.
Have a nice day!
Ok.. I am off to work..
A new day begins.. lets treasure it!
:)
Bonacci..
Area 51, read your comment.. appreciate your words.. I did not think about embarrassed vs ashamed.. certainly two different words, different meanings..see how words can be taken out of context..
ok... really going now..
Good morning, HOoters! I am on a ship sailing in St. Lawrence straight at the moment. This is the one day that we are at sea all day so didn't have to set the alarm in order to go on an excursion.
LynnD. Talke that back! The voices talk to me and ONLY me! LOL
Thanks for the blog Shirley!
Yes, Carol. I took great offense at the word substitution. It's what set me off.
Regardless, since people have obviously not read my bookish comment (and apparently my late-night comments from the night before) I will post them here. Partly for ease, so people don't have to go to A51 and partly because a little more public humiliation never did anyone any harm.
LOL good ones Shirley!
I love them all but really like Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle drugs..ha ha.
Good morning pretty ladies, especially gorgeous Ms. Lynn D! :)
I just posted in A51 too. But wanted to also say to Dianne, yes, I wore purple yesterday, and posted a little first-person narrative in the Rossblog about it.
Meanwhile, on to today's blog. Shirley, one of the one-liners was:
"Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!"
Yes, but how about removing the word "up"?
good morning!
Oh I had the best dream about Bill Clinton and Cuban cigars last night! And yes...it was so good the neighbors had a cigarette...
I just got a text from Tina...well...many texts..they are in Line at the airport with David Archuleta!!
Oh Crap Deedee that Archuleta kid will be traumatized for sure!
Shirley, thanks for the much needed belly laughs!! A little more porn would have made it even better ;-)
Whabby, to the naughty matt!!
EBJ~ Glad your team won last night!
Justlin, I am soo jealous! I can feel the sea breeze from here! Have fun!! Watch out for them cabana boys, especially the one called..... well never mind lol!
Have a great day all
Bebbi, did "pretty ladies" include our Whabby" lol!!
I am on an Italian Cruise line and most of the passengers are Italian, then therr are the French, American, German and Spanish. All announcements are given in all languages, starting with Italian, of course. It is interesting to not be the ones most catered to, although we are certainly treated well. I enjoy the multi-cultural experience although it would not be for everyone, I suppose. It does make things a little more difficult if you are not multi-lingual, which I am not. I don't know what shoes anyone would make fun of, but if it is Crocs, who could blame them?
Forget Archuleta, what about the whole rest of the plane? Mass trauma.
We should take advantage of this opportunity and hack into the FBI's "Most Wanted" list. Pop in a pic of Tina. It will give her something to talk about when she's finally released.
The French have long been the ones looking down their noses at Americans. I am allowed to say this as I am 1/4 french. We are still the new kids on the block. It's kind of like how "new" money isn't respected by those who come from families with "old" money.
Bonach. I just want to add that I did know of the tragedy in Poland as I saw it on the news as did many other Americans who bother to watch the news or read a newspaper.
Mary. I have not been anywhere near a cabana boy as it is fricken cold! My waiter is pretty darn cute though. :)
Just_Lin, I too, had a problem with the French. After sharing my bed with a Frenchman for the past few months though, I have to say I was wrong about them. At least in some respects. If I'd known about their hidden talents, I'd have been boinking the whole country.
Justlin, I was on an Italian ship. It was the MSC Orchestra. It took a little getting used to, but all in all I enjoyed the experience.
Bonach. LOL. Maybe I should go to France. :)
Mary. I've been on ths line (Costa) before but that was 25 yrs ago. We are seeing MSC Poesia at the same piers.
DeeDee, any new Tina/David sitings? Do you think they are together??
Tina...her huz...and the twins are in Coeur d'Alene...Idaho.
I told her to stop texting me ..that I have things to do....just to watch her purse in case Mr. Tina tries to stuff a cheeseburger or something in there ...bears you know....
they were going for a scenic walk...
Mr. Archuleta apparently was in the first line...you know...where you check your bags....Tina said she didn't know where he went...but she also hadn't followed my advice to have little Tina introduce herself and maybe get a photo....
she doesn't listen to a thing I say!!
Lots of fun things SHIRLEY...I think we all needed a good laugh and break...thank you.
LYNN: What do the voices say to you...just curious and one other thing....do you answer them?
DEEDEE: Has TINA arrived yet? I think she was very ready for some much needed time off!
EBJ:; Been on that bike yet? I did mine yesterday and it was pretty good for my knee. PT has me doing it 10min a day and that is a little over a mile...so for me that is good!
CAROL: Hi girl...how are you doing? How exciting to be starting the plans of another wedding. I love weddings and can't wait to hear every detail. Isn't it about time for y ou to make a driving video for us?
JUSTLIN: I want to be with you. Is the food wonderful and all Italian? Yum! How cold is it? I know you are having a wonderful time. Miss your posts
BEAR; Now was your shirt purple or your undies? I know I am getting pretty personal with y ou. :)
BEBBI: You need to come by more...we all miss you and your great humor! Hope things are getting more relaxed for you.
MARY: How are your ouchies doing? Did you move that dog fence or put a flashing light on it or something so there will be no more mishaps?
Today is dentist day...the real dentist....hope that finally finishes me up for this year!! As much as I have been there, I think I will be able to claim medical on our taxes this year. :)
Hope you all have a good day. MO>>>>>I am looking for you!
LynnD, I was talking to others about you and it's time I come clean. I thought your blog yesterday was very intelligent and well thought out. Definitely something to make us go Hmmmm. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier.
Mary. It was cold enough yesterday for me to be wearing sweater, scarf, jacket and gloves plus have on a pair of tights under my jeans. To me that is cold but I don't have the winters that you have.
Dianne. To be honest, I am a bit disappointed in the food. It is fine but when I was on this line 25 yrs ago, the food was spectacular with fresh, home-made pastas available every day. They don't do that anymore. Like everyone else, they've had to economize.
Good Afternoon!
SHIRLEY: I think the one I identify with the most..besides the shin smacking one tyvm..is "Multitasking means screwing up several things at once." That's me!! I cannot multitask to save my life! I'm almost worse at that than walking! ;)
Thanks for the giggles..much needed and appreciated! :)
LYNN: Hello gorgeous! Any plans on returning to the beach soon? I'd have such a hard time staying away..
CAROL: LOL@ yay Porn! I always think of those red stilettos when you say that.. :D
J/LIN: I'm so geographically challenged I'll have to google St Lawrence straight to see just where you are. The important thing is that you are having a good time! :)
DIANNE: I hope your dentist finishes up for the next TEN years! :D
MARY: Be careful that George doesn't hear you talking about the cabana boy..or did you send Mr Clooney back to Italy already? I bet you wore him out!! ;)
BEAR: Why do they call it..oh never mind.. ;)....:D
Waving HI to all owls here, there and everywhere! Have a great Thursday! (I wrote Monday..good thing I caught that..sheesh!)
The insurance adjuster came over on Tuesday afternoon. He said our roof needs to be replaced, the gate is going to be repaired and painted, the wood trim and sides of the house need repainting and the pool decking has to be resurfaced, painted and sealed. Everything we had on the list will be taken care of..yay! I was so worried he'd be some kind of mean ol' thing..but he was very nice. Now I have to hire contractors..can you imagine? Me? Not my strong suit..lol..
lmbo!!!~ DeeDee...ur a boob (saggy)~ Coeur d'Alene was gorgeous and oh so close~ We are meeting my perfect (choke) son in an hour for dinner......got to Spokane this morning and still haven't seen him. I actually didn't want to stop by....it's laundry day.....he can do his own!!!!
David was behind us checking in our luggage......but went thru the first class line at security....he's got gorgeous eyes....such a sweet looking boy~ I called Janice to find out what flight he was on, but she couldn't find him~ :( Little Tina wanted to stalk him......a gurl after my own heart~
LynnD~ how was first for you? :D
DeeDee~ I thought of you today...other than the usual....we went to some antique shops and there was a set of stamps from i don't know what country....and it was Bill (choke) and Monica (no choke...too tiny!) I laughed my butt off~ :)~
Just Lin~ have fun with all those Italians~
Good Evening Owls.
It was theater day for Sharon and me. We saw a little show called "Suds' which takes place in a laundromat. When they answer the phone they say "Suds laundromat, drop your pants here!" The whole show was very funny and was filled with music from the 60s. Loved it.
Shirley, I so identify with 'some days you are the bug and some days you are the windshield.' Thanks for the laughs.
Another Confucius says: Man that fly upside down have hairy crack up.
Lynn, You are the beauty today.
J/L, I know that you were looking forward to the homemade pasta. Sorry for your disappointment, but I hope the rest of the cruise is fun. When do you get home?
Dianne, I would think that after all your dentist adventures, you will be able to claim him as a dependent on your taxes for this year as well.
Zona, Glad you will be getting all the storm damage fixed. Maybe some of the workers will be hunks.
Mo, (((HUGS))) ♥
Waving to all the other Owls. I hope you all had a great day.
Evening Owls!
Congrats on 1st Lynn D!
Hi Lynn D, Carol, EBJ, Just Lin, Bonachi, Bebbi, Whabbear, DeeDee, Mary, Dianne, Dianne, Zona, Tina and SacBarb. Thanks for the comments on the blog. Glad you liked it, or at least some of it.
Today would have been mum's 71st birthday. What I thought would be (or should be) an emotional day hasn't been. Not a tear. Hmmmmm, makes me wonder. Well I'm off to bed. I'll probably just lay there and wonder some more.
Nighty night Owls!
(((HUGS)))
LYNN - Seems to me that SHIRLEY got it right!! I remember that you and I were the first ones down to get cawfee in Chicago!! Although we all learned a huge lesson about filters ;)
TINA - Glad you made it there ok.....how was dinner? Have a great weekend with the fam ♥
SHIRLEY - Sending more (((hugs))) to you. It'll happen when you least expect it.
Waving a wing at CAROL....porn, porn, porn.....ahhhhh!!, EBJ, SLIN, BONACHICHI, BEBBI, WHABBY, MARY, DEE DEE, DIANNE, ZONA & BARB ♥
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