by Shirley
You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
Your suggestion box starts ticking.
Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.
The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.
Your children's school calls to surrender.
It takes you three hours to make minute rice.
You're so bored you play hide & seek alone.
People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37.
Your wife tapes your picture to the dart board.
The brides family throws rocks instead of rice.
Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You put both contacts in the same eye.
Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
You invite the peeping Tom in...and he says no.
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George
27 comments:
Good Moaning~
My favorite: You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
The bra one is a reality for me~ sad~
Thanks for sending this, Shirley~
Wow, I'm not sure that I'll be able to respond to all the comments posted so far, but I will try!!
Good moaning Tina! Yes, that is sad. Your welcome! I forgot I had sent it to you. I liked the tax check bouncing!
Well I'm exausted now so I'll take a break and come back later. No fighting kiddies!!
Hello Tina & Shirley! Great tidbits but.... my sister and I share a birthday. She's 1 year older. And she really does forget my birthday. Hmmmmm.
Have a great day, everyone!
SHIRLEY - Home early from work. Headache and diarrhea (TINA....your song keeps ringing in my head), but I'll do my best to comment. I lmbo on the school surrendering....when Tim was in 5th and 6th grade I'm sure they felt like doing that!!
TINA - You beat me to the bra one ;)
Gonna go and lay back down and pray I don't shart today!! That's my definition of a bad day today ♥
BONACHICHI - hmmmm....sounds like my brother. He got married on our anniversary but never remembers to send a card. Bastard!!!
as usual...Shirleys gives good blog....
but I am a little preoccupied with my brush with death yesterday...
I went to the dentist as a "work-in" with my toothache....fortunately I got in quickly but unfortunately the X-ray results were not good...
Yea...the word no one wants to hear coming from a dentist....
Molar Cancer
I could have had chemotherapy but thats so hard on a tooth and I didn't want my tooth to lose all its hair...so I opted for surgery...had it removed...and they were able to get the entire tooth so I am cancer free....finally...after several days of not knowing how it might all end up....
And I couldn't have gotten thru this without the support I got here at the nest....the 2 "hope you feel better" wishes were much appreciated....
And since we never know which day may be our last...I am going out and grab this beautiful day by the balls and sling it around like a cheap handbag!!
I am just so thankful the cancer hadn't spread to and incisor or a bicuspid....or...like Diannes...to my zorch....
Hello Hooters!!
Been a little MIA and wanted to say howdy!
Loved the blog Shirley.
Dee Dee sorry to hear about your trauma.
Jodi- hope you feel better!!
Waving madly at you all. I'll be back........ (just a little warning)
MOLAR CANCER?!?!? Ah, well. I left some good wishes on DeeDee's wall.
DeeDee it sounds like you've had a difficult few day. Sorry to hear that. I thought it was strange when you didn't comment on the Buluga Caviar I bought (with you in mind) for out 1000th blog. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Good afternoon Bonachichi, Jodi and Goldie!
Jodi sorry you aren't feeling well. On the bright side thought you don't have a cough. Coughing when one has diarrhea never ends well. Lots of laundry the next day. ijs.
Goldie your returns sounds like it may be mysterious!! Ohhhh!!
Bonachichi my brother never remembers me or my sisters birthdays. He always calls me and asks. I don't know why he doesn't write it down somewhere.
Shirley....I saw the beluga..and my mouth watered.....
but my rotten tooth...ah...I mean my cancerous tooth was hurting...
I saw your post T-Bird....it wasn't a wish..it was a REQUEST!! I WOULDN'T BE BALD!! THE TOOTH WOULD!!
However I do have a bald pic to send you...the result of an unfortunate incident with a cigarette and a natural gas leak just below my waist....
((\\POOF!//))
SHIRLEY: Great list! The 3 hour minute rice reminded me of my grandma. My dad's mom always cooked a minute steak for 20m on each side..my mom tried to tell her there was a reason they called it a minute steak..because usually 5m on each side was enough..but she wouldn't listen..I guess she liked steak jerky!
Thanks for the smiles SHIRLEY!
The storms yesterday really pounded the heck out of our house. I have never been through hail, wind and rain like that..ever! We lost power for 3 hours and the cable and Internet were down for much longer. Trees and shrubs were uprooted..our gate is hanging on by a thread..it was an awful storm. The hail was golf ball size..and when it hit the roof the noise was deafening. I'm thankful that no one was hurt! Scary stuff for a state that rarely gets weather!!
TINA in the moaning: Congrats on first!
JODI: Get some rest..I hope you feel better soon!
Waving HI to GOLDIE, BONACHI, SHIRLEY and DEEDEE!
I hope everyone has a great day!
Poor Zona. First sweltering heat and now some Zony I mean Zany weather. Hailstones are a good explanation for the lot of us. Targets on our heads, you know.
DeeDee, I'm guessing your pic will resemble Brazil?
Good Afternoon Owls.....slept late today (what else is new) and just got home from annual mammogram.
DEEDEE: I am so glad you are okay. Gosh, how scary. Glad the dentist got you in today. Hope it isn't hurting too bad and that all is safe from here on out.
SHIRLEY: Love the list....I like a lot of them..too many to mention but they are very funny. You find the funniest things for our blogs...thanks.
ZONA: Wow...we saw those storms on our news and they looked really bad. They showed the hail slamming into the pool water at houses. Glad you are okay and that your insurance should cover any damage. I hate storms and would much rather have just snow... not scary like yours.
JODI: Hope you are getting rest and not on the pot too much. Get well soon. Isn't it bad when you don't know whether to stand and throw up or sit and poop???
TINA: Now you don't really relate to the bra one that much, do you? Congrats on first today and every day. Did you finally get some good sleep and catch up a little?
GOLDIE: Where the heck have you been? I was just thinking about you last night that you hadn't posted for awhile. Hope all is okay. I know you are going to be seeing those grandkids very soon...yea!
CHICHI: Seriously your sister forgets your birthday? That is very strange when it is the exact same day. Do you always remember hers....:)
Di~ glad u got fondled~ :D
TINA: No candles, music or wine though
20
any tongue action?~
Good evening feathered friends!
SHIRLEY...way funny! Liked this one the best: Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate. LOL!!
Dee Dee: Tooth cancer is such a bitch!
Shirley, I HATE it when Huz wakes up and says "Good morning, Bill"!!
Waving to Tina, Zona, Goldie, Jodi, Bon, and Dianne!
WHABBY...knock knock ding ding...hellooooooo. Did I post in invisible ink? :)~
Just watched Roman Holiday. Gregory Peck...be still my heart!!
OK I had a nice good night message typed and the damn internet went out and I lost it!! So
GOOD NIGHT!!!
P.S. thanks for the comments today (actually yesterday now but...)
Ooopsies! Hi, 'weenie! LOL!
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