Monday, September 24, 2012


by Dianne

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just got mine wet."
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish. 

"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. 

The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. 

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". 

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" 

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. 

"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. 

A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. 

"Hanging myself," the blond replies. 

"It should be around your neck" says the guard. 

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
(This one actually makes 

An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" 

To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."


Zona said...

Good Morning!

DI: Those were all funny..but I liked the first one the best! Thanks for the grins this morning!

Zona said...

DI: I was reading about your horses this morning..dang..they are even being called..GASP!..'mean'! ;) I NEVER thought I'd hear them described that way..evah!!

I was glad to see Michael Vick sacked in our game..what was it..four or five times? I know..that's not very nice..but I just don't like him.

And what about those Raiders!! Woohoo! :D

Ok that's the end of the Monday morning football report.. :D

I better go write the check..ick..for the electric bill..ugh..hopefully this will be the last $400..yikes..we have to give them until next summer!

Have a good day everyone!

Zona said...

FROM 51:

BARB & DI: No swimming..I wasn't home..and when we got back Rand wanted to do a little yard there was too much grass flying around..not to mention the stray rock zinging across the backyard! ;) The water is cold..but not maybe I'll try today.

Now..I kinda remember something about writing a check.. ;)

Tinka said...

Good Morning Zona-My-Baby - You are in great form today. You must have had a good night's sleep. I used to be a morning person but somewhere along the way that changed. It's a good thing I don't have to be at school by 7:30 anymore.

Another Monday morning, where are the weeks going? Three months today is Christmas Eve. Wow!

I just had my breakfast. Now it's time to fed the "children". I am happy it's not water therapy day.

Have a marvelous Monday everyone. See you all later.

Tinka said...

Once again I forgot to say how much I enjoyed the blog. I think my short term memory is getting worse.
Thanks for the laughs Dianne.

Just_Lin said...

Zona. You look cool in first today. I'm glad you will soon be done with those outrageous electric bills. My brother walks about ten miles a day (in early morning during summer) and he does a bunch of laps in the pool. I wouldn't be able to do any of it. Well, I can swim across the pool but I don't have the breath or stamina to do laps. I never was a water baby.

Just_Lin said...

Dianne. Thanks for the chuckles. I liked the last one best.

Just_Lin said...

Tinka. I think one of the best things about being retired is waking up early on a stormy winter day and not having to get up and go out in it. I have never been a natural early bird.

Just_Lin said...

Tina. Thanks for the vid yesterday. Not a big fan of his but it was cute to see him do his best with that song.

I sent you a blog a while back. Hope you got it.

Mary/MI said...

I thought I would make a quick peek in the nest and got me a belly laugh!! FUNNY Di!!

I am off to the DDS, Just cleaning and prolly ex-rays.
Boo on the high electric bill

Justlin, I am no where nears a morning person. I worked the night for too many years.

Tinka,enjoy your "water free" day :)

Zona, I am not a MV fan either!
Have a great day all!!

Just_Lin said...

Mary. Waving at you. As for MV, I don't forgive or forget.

Just_Lin said...

I'm watching my brother's softball game. At least the weather is really nice this time of night. What are you all doing?

sacBarb said...

Dianne, I liked the last one the best. It reminded me of everytime we went to the zoo. My Hubby would ask the kids, "do you know why the Flamingos stand on one foot?" No. "Because if they lifted the other one they would fall down." It was such a lame joke, especially after the 100th time, but it still made us laugh. Thanks for bringing back that memory with your blog. :-)

sacBarb said...

Zona, You are so petty in first today. I hope you got to swim. Ouchie, for the electric bill.

Waving a wing to J/L, Tinka, Mary and all the Owls.

sacBarb said...

Zona, OOPS! Just got your msg. I really need to proof before I publish. Sorry!