all my life i have been
doing and going for all
and when i don't go and do
the guilt begins to appear
i can try to fight it, like
a war, however i always
lose and the guilt is there
whenever i find myself not
doing to please someone
the guilt feeling arises, i wonder
sometimes, do i make this up
in my mind? is this just part
of my personality?
just not really sure!
i have decided as i type this
to work on the word guilt
this feeling it brings me
the stuffiness of it
i will start soon, and if
i don't start soon, i will
feel guilty for not trying
oh, does guilt ever end
is guilt there for you as well?
night owls:
hope your blogging day
is a good one and if not
don't feel guilty as there
is always tomorrow!
:O)
172 comments:
Yea!!!First
Good Morning OWLETTES!!!!!
CPGEM... Yopu are not alone... I can guilt trip myself better than anyone else....MILand FIL are pretty good at it... but not like I can do to myself!!!!
So you ar enot alone...
I feel guilty if the dinner I made isn't up to my standards...
or is something to easy...
But Mr. IBB tells me... Hell I am happy to get fed!!!!
Doesn't matter what it is...
we are finally having our Valentine dinner tonight...
Too much other stuff got in the way!!!!
Hope everyone has a wonderful day...
Am at work so will be popping in and out!!!!
ibb
Congrats on First!
Oh, so glad I am not alone, I thought I was the queen of guilt!
So happy we share the title.
Enjoy you valentine's dinner with your honey!
I am feeling better, I am at work
See ya all later!
:O)
O.K... Where is everybody!!!
I now it early...and cold.. but ....
It was 60 degrees when i got up yesterday... today it is 30... gee no wonder evey one has pnuemonia!!1
At least that is what it is beginning to feel like!!!
CPGEM... Hope you are feeling better this morning..
I wish I was home in bed!!!
Congrats IB!! 30 degree temp drop..dramatic!!
Carol..thanks for the blog topic. I can "feel" guilty for not pulling out fast enough at an intersection for the guy behind me, not returning calls etc. But my question is.. and this may be too much this early.. is guilt really a feeling..or is it a thought pattern that triggers tightness. For me it is.. I notice guilt and if I really look, what I am thinking or believing is that I am a bad person for not being up to someone elses standards.
I do feel remorse..I do believe that is a feeling..kind of like mourning.. like mourning the loss of what I wished I had done.
And then there are "guilty pleasures" like being hooked on "Six Feet Under" and even THEN..its more of an embarassing pleaseure.
Anyway..I DO understand the guilt and the sensation of stuffiness..I just know for me, it is the trip I lay on myself when I don't meet another's expecations. And that reminds me of an old alanon saying.. "Expectations are premeditated resentments" and maybe guilt is like an expectation of myself to be perfect so I resent myself.
Gotta go now before I feel guilty..
Oh, by the way..here is a list of "guilts" (ie.. uh oh I might not be liked) that I noticed in the last few days:
--Mo and Shirley will not like me because I have cooked the last few days
--If I don't mention everyone when I blog I won't fit in and I have let them down
--I wish I'd said less or more or anything different
--I'm not a good enough mom
etc blah blah blah...
I have a friend who calls her guilt voice "Abdul" and she has banished him to the outer regions..outside her castle walls..now we can laugh.."I hear Abdul, maybe he'll loose is voice from all that shouting over the wall"
Wishing all a self loving day..........
pulling a Joey here..
JULTLIN..thanks for the quote submission...hearts to you
Good Morning - Ibebold, (Congrats on first) night.owls.sb, and Nowmercy.
Looks like quite a few owls are sleeping in today. I must read the blog and comments. Be right back.
functional - of or having a special activity, purpose or task.
Carol: I'm not sure how much guilt I feel in the classic sense. I often have feelings of remorse, though, when I do something, or don't do something, that hurts someone else's feelings, or betrays their expectations of how they think I should be reacting to them.
Is that guilt? Probably!! :)
I hope your own feelings in this regard are helped by knowing how much you've enriched our lives by creating the nest. It's such a guilty pleasure!
Whoops!
Good morning owlettes and towlettes!
Congrats on 1st IBB
I have guilt all the time. ALL THE TIME over peoples feelings. I worry that I didnt' do enough for someone or I hurt their feelings.
I once had a friend ask me if I was Jewish. She said I had the guilt thing down pat (she is Jewish-) See, now I will worry that I offended someone who is Jewish :)
Hope you all have a good day! Hope everyone is feeling better and stays on the mend.
Goldie: I can't believe that I posted right above you, and you didn't even mention my name.
I thought we were friends!
LOL! Just guilt tripping you, honey!
Seriously, though, these feelings are very powerful, are they not? And probably, on balance, a good thing... they do keep us in tune with others, and give us empathy for them.
Good morning!
YAY IBB, way to go!
Sleepy towlette here, wow do I feel lazy. This is my 4th day off in a row, and I'm loving it.
Back to work madness tomorrow.
Carol I think we are from the same mold as far as guilt. Wow do I do a number on myself sometimes.
At home, at work, doesn't matter.
I've lost sleep over patients at work. I don't work in ICU or any critical care unit, we're talking adult medicine. But there have been times where I was worried I didn't do enough or something, and guilt myself to not sleeping.
Man, I could go on and on about this topic. I'm glad you posted this Carol!
Back later!
Good Morning feathered friends!
IBB - Congrats on being first!!
NOWMERCY - I am soooooo not offended that you have been cooking for us! Don't feel an iota of guilt over that!
GOLDIE - I feel pangs of guilt about everything!! And I am not offended by the Jewish tag! It is true...Jewish people feel guilty all the time! And we can make others feel guilty just as easily as we feel it!! I have heard from Catholic friends that the guilt thing isn't limited to us! I guess it is just another way that our religions may differ, yet we are all still part of the same one -- humanity!
WHABBY - yes, this place is a guilty pleasure!
CAROL - Tough topic...makes me think. But know one thing you shouldn't feel guilty about...YOU are an amazing person, an amazing daughter, an amazing aunt, an amazing niece and an amazing friend. OK, that's more then one thing...but all true.
TINKA - good morning, dear one.
Have a great day owlettes (or towlettes, as Shirley would say!)
heyyyy, where is LYNN D? I miss you my friend.
Just call me GUILTA!
Good Morning Owls!
Congrats on 1st Ibebold!
Tinka you got the word of the day!
Nowmercy you have the quote way to go!
Yes I feel guilt constantly about everything!! I could go on but don't have time this morning as I was guilted into doing something today and have to fly!!!
Yesterdays topic was Great Mo!!
I always wanted to travel Route 66! Don't know why?? Nostalgia factor maybe.
Also would love to RV both coastlines. East and West and stop at every beach!
Italy yes!! Ireland and England!
Probably more but as stated short on time and now I feel guilty again!
Have a great day everyone!!
PS I think women feel guilt to their toes!
As Whabbear says men feel remorse and then let it go much more quickly than women! Genetics? or Enviroment???
Guilt - Excellent topic Carol.
I have fought all my life to overcome feeling guilty. There is a wonderful book by
Dr. Wayne Dyer called "Your Erroneous Zones" ( Read the title carefully, it's not what you think.) There is an excellent chapter, 'The Useless Emotions - Guilt and Worry'.
I have read the book many times and even underlined sentences in this particular chapter. Such sentences as "Guilt is unhealthy because you are ineffectively using up your energy in the present, feeling upset or depressed about something in the past." or
"No amount of guilt can ever undo anything." Reading this book helps for a while and then I slip right back to the same patterns. I try so hard to overcome guilt but it is such a work in progress.
I read "some strategies for eliminating Guilt" over and over again.
The day I lose my mother I don't want to feeling guilty because that may be the one day I don't get down to see her.
I feel guilty if I miss saying Good Morning to one of the owls who posted while I was writing.
Good Morning - Whabbear, Goldie, East Bay J, Maureen and Lynn D. Some mornings I come back three times because more owls arrive in the nest.
Whabbear - I don't think your reference to remorse is the same as guilt. I think we should feel remorse if we hurt someone's feelings or don't come up to expectations, either of our own or others. We can resolve to do better.
So often we feel guilty about something we have no control over. I have felt guilt when my kids got sick because maybe I could have done something to prevent it. You my dear Bear sound like a very healthy individual and don't carry around useless guilt. You could probably give lessons on it like Dr. Dyer does.
OMGsh. I feel like I could write the book on guilt!
I am dealing with a huge amount of guilt with my parents. Both my mom and dad live in Maryland, though they are divorced. My mom is not remarried and my dad is. My mom is starting to show signs of dimentia (sp?) and has recently moved into an assisted living facility. My father and his wife are both quite ill and have been for several years. My dad has emphazema and prostate cancer and can hardly walk into the next room. I have not seen either of them in about 6 years. GUILT!! I keep reminding myself that it isn't like I have been sitting here eating bon bons and trying to figure out which mall to shop at next. Yet, I still feel guilty because I refuse to be the one forced to deal with all these issues. I have 2 older brothers, neither of them are married or have children OR any responsibilities. As a matter of fact, they live as free from responsibility as possible... so I feel like I am standing up for ME and saying "NO NO NO". I guess I also know that there are relatives back east that will help them and make sure that they don't get too uncomfortable. But still, as the only daughter there is GUILT!
I know that men feel guilt, but sometimes it feels like females feel guilt a lot stronger. We are programmed to believe that it is our job to do and feel certain things. And if we don't, the guilt sets in. Nothing prepared me for the guilt you feel as a mother!! I feel guilty if my kids can't keep up with their peers (I don't even try to out-do them!) I feel guilty when I think about the twins speech delay and wonder what I could have done differently. I feel guilt when I watch the other families flying off to exotic vacations... and we are going bowling. WOO HOO! I feel guilty when I don't know what to make for dinner, so I let Berry come home from work and he can deal with it.
GUILT GUILT GUILT... I am feeling guilty NOW just thinking about my kitchen and the mess waiting for me, but instead I am sitting here and blogging.
GUILT JUST SUX! 'nuff said.
Tink: Very interesting distinction, and I think you are right! The remorse is from actions, and if guilt is more about actions not taken, or comes from "what if" scenarios that you play out in your head, then I'm less susceptible to guilt than remorse.
What is that old prayer about having the wisdom to distinguish between things you can change from things you can't? Good words, I always thought...
ibb~ congrats on being first
CPGEM~~You say you're the queen of guilt...I believe there is an entire royal court feeling guilty and most all are female. It's something in our need to live-up to our parents expectations. I think it's all inbred into us as little girls...i.e. play nice, make good grades, don't get your dress dirty. We are bound to feel guilt when we think we don't live up to someone elses standards. What a trip, huh?
Waving Hi to Nowmercy, Tinkatia, Wabby (nice to see you), Goldie, EBJ, Mo, LynnD.
I have a birthday gift for a friend today and not sure if she'll like it, I do. I'm feeling guilty already for a deed I haven't even done yet. lol
BTW, Shirley~ Hope you're feeling better and please wash the bucket and naughty mat.
Have a guilt-free day everyone.
Ronnie
WHABBY - The Serenity Prayer. And boy I have subscribed to that reasoning for years. I share your thoughts on remorse. I think that is a feeling that you can actually do something about, but guilt.....that is just a feeling that will eat you up.
TINA - Thanks for adding Oregon, WI to your list in Area 51!!! That made me smile :)
Good mornings to IBB, CAROL, TINKA, NOWMERCY, GOLDIE, EAST BAY J, MO, LYNN D, AND GLYNIS!!!
Just got home from picking my oldest son up from school. He's running a 102 temp with a nasty cough and a runny nose.
I hope everyone has a great Tuesday :D
Hi RONNIE!!! You must have been posting when I was!!!
Congrats IBB on 1st!
Guilt....ugh. It always seems to take me a while to get over feeling guilty about something. I'm a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to like me. But I have to admit that in my OLD age I don't care anymore if people don't like me. It's their loss. OK, I do care, I just try to not care. I always wonder what I did to make them not like me. Did I hurt their feelings some how??? See guilt. It's always there.
**waving** Hi Jodi!
25!!!!!! That's for MEK!
LMAO!!!! Never mind.....G got 25!!!
Barb in WA...
I don't like you.
Barb in WA~ I don't like you because I LOVE YOU!!
**feeling guilty that I may have hurt your feelings for a split second while I type this**
I used to live on guilt trips.I spent the majority of my life trying to please everyone around me otherwise I always felt guilty. My friends would put me on guilt trips if I didn't want to go out and I wanted to stay home instead. My parents especially my Mom would put me on a guilt trip if I didn't stop by for a visit as often as she liked. If I wanted to go on a week end road trip alone then my parents would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me it wasn't safe, etc. Now I am finally learning not to feel so guilty because too many people can pull me in too many directions all wanting to squash the last breath out of me. They all love me so they aren't purposely trying to suck the life out of me, however...!! I can now say the word no in 3 languages! :0)
WOO HOO... you mean I finally get one of the magical numbers that everyone marches for?
**dancing, and swaying, and movin' to the groovin'**
Good morning
Ibeblod, Tinkatia, Carol, Wabbear,Nowmercy,Goldie, East Bay J, & Maureen,LnnD, Ronniegirl, Glynis, & Barbara.Hope I didn't miss anyone. I feel guilty when I do a shout out and miss someone. Then I want to cringe.
Hi jodi...hope you're having a good guilt-free day. Thanks for the shout-out, I left for a minute. Moweenie explained to me about your 'Hodi' name ..too funny.
Hey to barbara-in-wa, Glynis, and my fellow texan, dreamatexas.
Ronnie
Glynis.....
I just read your post. Girl...you need a chicks weekend! A little Friday and Saturday night away from it all. Let me know when you want to go!
Guilt Trips...Now that's a vacation we could have talked about yesterday. Anyone want a reservation for THAT trip...lol
I'm sure I've got enough tickets for everyone here...I'd love to give them away for free.
Ronnie
LOL at Ronnie taking a "Guilt Trip"!!!!
To everyone....I'm so bad at this....
GOOD MORNING!!!
i always forget.
Saw talk about the serenity prayer which I love AND there is another version..
The abbreviated version for times that, well,
call for fast action
times that limit the ability to mutter the whole thing
times like those call for the abbreviated version
(which I learned in alanon..)
Here it is:
Fuck It.
Bar-in-wa
They're on special (no coupon needed, Mek). Buy one, get one free!!!
Ronnie
Barb~ I would feel guilty taking a chicks weekend! Ya kidding me?
NOWMERCY - LOL!!! Luv the abbreviated version of the Serenity Prayer!!! I've been saying that for years, and didn't realize it!!! :D
I do have one issue with myself that causes me guilt. If I see an abandoned or lost pet out on the streets and I try to get it and it runs too fast for me to catch it then I feel awful.I keep dog biscuits on me at all times to help lure them to safety and of course a leash. I still have a guilty conscious over the fact that I was not able to catch a freshly groomed poodle last month. It was too skittish and it was impossible for me to catch it. Seven out of ten times I am always successful but its those three misses that ugh causes me guilt.
nowmercy~ I love the abbreviated version of the serenity prayer. As a matter of fact, I believe that could be my mantra!
OK... something I feel guilty about while in church and I NEVER tell anyone that I "see" this:
There is a cloth that hangs down from the place where the pastor stands (I can't think of the name right now) and on this cloth are the initials "IHS" with a cross behind it. The H is larger and I believe it stands for I serve Him. Could be wrong about that. Anyway, when I look at this cloth, I don't see a cross in the background, I see a T... and then I start jumbling the letters around and all I can think of is "That says SHIT" backwards! Isnt that just a wonderful thing to be thinking about while sitting in church?
Pray for me peeps. I need it!!
Did I mention I love playing Scrabble?
OMG Glynis, now that I think of it I know the cloth you're talking about. That's not your fault thinking that word is written on the pulpit. Your pastor just needs to come up with a better sermon so no one notices it.
Too funny, girl! Now we'll all be checking the next time we go.
Ronnie
It's about brunch time and I don't see any food so...
eggs, fried, poached, scrambled
egg white substitute
sliced honey baked ham
sausage patties
center cut bacon crispy
hash browns
buttermilk biscuits & cream gravy
wheat toast
butter, jams, marmalade
crepes topped with whipped cream
tea
coffee
orange juice
Ozarka spring water
PULPIT!! That's the name of the place where she stands!
QUIEEN of RATIONALIZATIONS to the rescue:
Glynis, you are having a spiritual epiphany when you see the word SHIT, it must stand for :
Serving
Him
I
Trust
Or
Serving
Hot
Items on
Terms
Or
Save
Holy
Items
Tranquilly
So see, you are okay!!
phew..grabbing some chow..yummy, thank YOU Dreama and off to rationalize why I need to take a shower and be ready for my first client in 25 minutes..good thing I work at home.......
Thanks Dreama...What, no picante from a Texas girl? Just kidding!!
Looks delicious and I'm really hungry. You cook very well, and I'll clean up for you later.
Ronnie
Bear never feels guilty spending NASA money to post on blogs all day while at work.
I just love to tease Bear.
LOL at G being completely bored in church that she plays scrabble!
LOL at nowmercy and ronnie too!
Maybe we're not the only ones bored in church. We used to have a minister who kept looking at his watch the last few minutes of his sermon. And, I kid you not, he'd say..."Well I'll close for today so we all can be first in line at Luby's Cafeteria". True story.
Ronnie
There are too many names and too much wisdom written since I last looked at the blog so rather than feel guilty about missing some of them I will instead just have some of Dreamatexas' lovely breakfast. Thanks Dreama
Whabbear - I do have to say that I think I was right. You could teach us the same as Dr. Dyer does. I knew you were wise.
OOOOO OOOO OOOO!!!!
I want to play G and nowmercy's SHIT game!
Send
Him
Italians
Today
Several
Historians
Interested
Totally
She
Has
Immaculate
Tummy
**ok the last one has me in giggles!)
Service
Has
Insomniacs
Tired
~~OK....I can't think anymore!
nonmercy- I love it! You go girl!
Hi to everyone- see, I try not to name you since if I missed someone I would have that damn guilt. Its like posting a comment on myspace. If I send out 1 I have to do 99, OR I HAVE GUILT. I am getting better at that though.
I have tried twice so far to go vote today (our primary) and I can't get a parking spot! So making my 3rd trip there now.
I will never again be able to sit in church without the word "SHIT" coming to mind.. I think my next scheduled time to be there is my goddaughters wedding in June :)
Jodi- so sorry that your son is sick. Hope he feels better soon.
Thanks for brunch dreama.
Handing Picante and Prevacid to Ronnie!
Gotta love it, dreama...lol Thanks, love it on scrambled eggs. I got your back on clean-up.
Ronnie
"Barb~ I would feel guilty taking a chicks weekend! Ya kidding me?"
No I'm not kidding you. Berry is a big boy. He can take care of the kidlins for a weekend. Sometimes you just need a break girlfriend! The kids are old enough. I think Berry can figure out how to get a pizza or make a couple sammies with some soup!
How about just one night somewhere close? I can drive up there and we can split the cost of a room. Think about it!
I was raised by nuns in Catholic girls' schools and by an uptight Catholic mother - so I'm hard-wired for serious guilt. I honestly don't get too caught up in it except when it comes to my family - my parents (both of whom were uber dysfunctional), my husband, my kids ... and it is all about not doing what I think is enough. I have plenty that I should classically feel "guilty" for - my lifestyle and actions in younger years, but I truly don't. I consider those experiences as the building blocks of who I am now.
I have often used the Serenity Prayer, but I like the abbreviated version MUCH better!
OK, folks - I'm thinking I am once again the winner of the coldest place on earth (also called the stupidest humans for inhabiting this place) - it is (with windchill) a whopping -52 degrees and the deep freeze is expected to last at LEAST until Saturday. Brrrr!
OMG!! CPGEM before I even read the comments..guilt is my middle name, right next to worry!! It doesn't matter if I have done nothing wrong, I worry that I have. I would love to change this..but I think it's in my genetic make-up. Sorry Mom, hope you're not mad at me for saying that. SEE WHAT I MEAN???!!!
nowmercy I love Six Feet Under and it has the best series finale of all time, IMHO. Now I love the show Dexter (same actor as the gay brother on Six Feet).
IBB Congrats on being the early bird.
Dreama Thanks for feeding us today.
How about when if you have to stand up in court and say the word "Guilty" even though you don't feel even a shred of guilt? The word sticks in the throat and has an unpleasant taste as it leaves the mouth. Of course in that sense, the term is purely a legal one, but still.....the word carries alot of emotional weight.
When my children were small and I was a single parent working a job that required several evening meetings a month, I felt guilty alot. Guilty that I wasn't living up to my idea of what a perfect mother was. I finally decided that what my children needed the most was my time, not a perfectly kept house. One weekend day was dedicated just to them. We went to the zoo, to parks, to movies, whatever. The next day was housecleaning and grocery shopping day. Whatever got done, got done. Whatever didn't get done, well, fuck it!
Glynis OMG! I forgot to tell you that your post about the letters on that cloth had me crying, I was laughing so hard. Thank you!
Hello owls!
Love the "short version" of the serenity prayer! I feel like using it today as somehow I got talked into doing something I don't want to do for someone I don't even know! But guilt will make me do it!! Why do I get roped into these things?? Because I would feel bad if I said no. But why should I even care??? I guess because I want the person who asked me to think well of me. I do believe that is some kind of programming women have.
Glynis...
I think those letters stand for "In His Service", but your version had me cracking up!!
Just read all the posts. Lots of smiles mixed in with the 'guilt'.
IBB: FIRST!! I hope you did that early morning Happy Dance!
NOWMERCY: I love the Abdul idea, but I don't think I could ever build a wall high enough! Maybe I will try your abbreviated serenity prayer instead?? Stop laughing TINA and JODI, I could TRY!! ;)
TINKA: My mom read that book. It is still here on the shelf. I don't think it 'took' for her or would work for me. The tendency to feel guilty is too ingrained.
BEAR: Re: GOLDIE....what a scorch you are!!
MAUREEN: You are so right about the Catholic guilt.
LYNND: I have decided your little owl needs leg warmers. This is in regards to nothing..just a random thought.. ;)
GLYNIS: LMAO at your anagram!
BARB/WA: ..and all of your follow-ups!
JODI: I hope your son feels better soon. You know first hand that I never feel guilt about anything, right? ;)
CG: I hope you are feeling better and I wish it wasn't so damn cold up there..!
Hi JUST_LIN, RONNIEGIRL and SCIRISH..sorry if I missed anyone!
**FROM AREA 51**
VIG: Now you have my imagination running wild! Travel safely!
SACBARB: You travel safe too! Have fun!
TINA: Didn't get a chance to see, if I will see what you think I'll see. But if I see what you believe I will..a thunder clap will surely tell!
Hey y'all!:) It's been a busy day for me, so flying by right now!
Congrats to IBB on first today! YAHEE!:)LOL
Awww I see y'all like my "towlettes" word hehe
ROFLMAO@Glynis! OMG that was frickin' funny as H E Double Hockey Sticks LOL
I ♥ you Glynis!:) You DO need to take barb up on that offer!:)
Zonababy, You hit the nail on the head when you said "right next to worry"..I'm RIDDEN with guilt and I worry too much LOL..Back to elaborate more..IDOL GUYS SING TONIGHT!! WOOHOO!!!!!LOL
P.S. It is snowing here!!! Yippeee!
Nice evening to stay in where it's warm and have some soup and a sammy;)(yes the RR version of a sandwich not the guy LMAO)
just_lin~~
I love me some Dexter! I'm completely hooked!
Thanks for checking in on me Barb. I will take my meds and hopefully start feeling better ! Toot toot
This is a blog that MEK needs to be here for, but no, she is off playing around with Tiger today. Bet we can all make her feel guilty for not being here today!
toot toot right back at ya w2!
and take your meds!!!!
and eat some chicken noodle soup!
and blow your nose!
and while you're at it....take a shower....you has a smell!
JUST LIN - Amen to that!!!
GOLDIE - Looks like we're finally going to get a break in this weather on the weekend. Dare I say......highs in the 30's?!!?
ZONA - You were the first person that I thought of when I read the blog. I used to say that "I don't have to worry - Mom does enough for everyone"......but now my mantra is "I don't have worry - ZONA does enough for everyone". Luv u.....mean it!! ;)
BarbaraWA I watch Dexter on Showtime and now I'm also starting over on Network television. It is my very favorite show.
BARB/WA - Luvin' your wicked sense of humor!!!
Wow, Barb is mean ,,,,,,sobbing
"Guilty Train"
Whoooo-oo
Whoooo-oo
Guilty train,
don't whistle my way again
Guilty train,
don't whistle my way again
Guilty train,
don't whistle my way a-gain
Neil Young.
JODI: Truer words have never been spoken! ;)
JOEY: I wish there was a solution, cuz it just wears me out sometimes..not to mention being very bad for my blood pressure!
TINA: Un..sha..read..able..that's what I made...Un..sha..read..able by any blade..;)
It's too late in the day to even try to say individual Hellooooos to all EarlyBirds, Owlettes and Night Owls, so I'll just say "Hi y'all!"
ON GUILT: My problem with the whole subject is that, by definition, the word 'Guilt' is a noun. I always think of it more as a verb , an ACTION that we take against ourselves. Rather than a 'thing' it's a 'behavior'. Tinka's quote from Dr. Dyer's book says it all..."Using up your energy in the present, feeling upset or depressed about something in the past".
After leaving the religion in which I was raised, becoming a divorced single working mom, being an adult only child not ALWAYS available for parents, living on opposite side of the country from my only child and grandchild.....I've had more than my share of reasons to wallow in guilt. The only way I can avoid it is by trying to live by the words I left for Shirley yesterday about keeping the brain occupied with positive thought. Seldom easy, but works every time.
TINKA: Mr. Z is on his way to the post office..update shortly!! :)
Barb in WA~ Berry is not the cause of my guilt. It is my children's faces as I tell them that I am going away overnight... and then my daughter's face when I tell her I am going to stay at a hotel. She LOVES hotels!!
However, there is a women's retreat that you really should join me for this summer. We can talk. It is here in North Bend at the most peaceful place on earth, Rainbow Lodge... and we all bring wine and munchies and stay up all night playing cards and laughing.
I am glad I could help you all with a cure for boredom in church. If only they wouldn't put the cross behind the letters there would be no T...
Can I just add, I LOVE what you all fix for breakfast. I always wish it was for real and not just my cyber breakfast!!
LynnD~~Good to see your post. I've been concerned while you were AWOL. Now, where the Heck is Joey?? (Cancel that--he checked in....but I'll leave this here so he knows I missed him) :D~
CG~~If only you were in Toronto, your weather description would match the day's acronym "Stupidest Humans Inhabit T,oronto??
Jodi~~Missed you yesterday! Hope son is better. Nothin' makes 'mom-guilt' easier than a sick kid, right?
Glynis~~Really enjoying having you nest a while, rather than just make a quick swoop. What a welcome addition!
BON - His fever is down now, just chilling on the couch. Not that I enjoy when my kids are sick, but being 11, it's one of the few times anymore that he'll let me cuddle with him. :) Oh, BTW......I just rocked the vote in WI!!! YES WE CAN!!! :D
It seems to me we raise the bar really, really high for ourselves. We expect so much more from ourselves than we do of others. Then we feel guilty for not meeting this self-imposed criteria for being a "good" person. Basically, we set the bar so high that we set ourselves up to fail. We need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect.
JODI- do you mean 30 above zero???
Figures, I will be out of town for that wedding and it will probably be frigging cold down in Illinois.
Flapping a wing at ya'll(Hi Joey)
on this fly by. Will stop in later after I attempt for the 4th time to go vote today. What really pisses me off is it is the primary in Hawaii too- and they get to vote in 80 degree weather !!!
Hope we don't cancel each others vote out Jodi!!
Good for you, Jodi!!!!! The closer we get, the more comfortable I am with my choice. I want to keep thinking positive thoughts about Hillary as well as Obama, but I see the snarky Clinton side seems to be coming out today. I still hope, for the sake of change, civility will reign!
Glynis.....I'm there as long as I don't have to like....pray....or anything!
W2....I only tease the ones I love!
LOL,,,,I know Barb, but I can't tease back, I can't talk !
IBB~ congrats on first~
Cpgem8~ I love guilt....I embrace guilt......guilt is my best friend~ Come on.....I'm Catholic AND Mexican.....what would you do?~ I feel guilty that I'm reading the blog and I'm at work. I feel guilty that I'm at work and my kids are at home. I feel guilty that my hubby is having a hard time at work, and not sleeping, and there isn't anything I can do but listen. I feel guilty that I live here and my family is all in CA! I feel guilty when I hurt someone's feelings. I feel guilty when I call Mo a CW or a Jew! AND I FEEL GUILTY WHEN I TRY TO RATIONALIZE IT ALL!!! :|
Hodi~ I just love your name~ :)~ Hope the kiddo is better soon~
Zona~ YOU FREAKING MAKE ME LAUGH!!! I know....do your blog on all your guilt and worry.....you could make it a week long series~ :)~
Nowmercy~ I gave up your prayer for Lent~ DANG IT!!!!
Glynis~ I can't wait to check out my church this weekend.....I'll be thinking of you~ :)~
Joey~ I'm still feeling upset/worried/guilty about that horrible video you posted....and I had nothing to do with it! mwah~
Glynis - can I come to your weekend retreat? I can think of nothing more cleansing than a night or two of giggles with the girls (no, Joey, not THOSE girls!).
Sorry you're sick, Want - did I give it to you in chat? When I lost my voice, there were several happy dances around me!
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You nannan head! That is what my five year old says.
you sex fiend~ (she says jealously)
Guilt is my middle name.
Waves aloha to everyone....
Whew, finally starting to feel better from whatever took a hold of my body for the last 10 days.
Havn't had time to go back and read all the area 51's, and also have moved to a new house and do not have wireless hooked up there so my time here will be sporadic over the next few weeks, but wanted to say hello to everyone!!!!
Want: Hoping the meds kick in and you start feeling your sarcastic witty self soon!!!!
Huge Hawaiian rainbow greetings to all.
Turtle~
I thought your middle name was orgasm~ :)~
well that could be my other middle name
Hi Turtle~ so happy you are moved and her~
Turtle nice to see you!
iTeach: Nice to see you too! Still freezing up your way?
Tina: and her? No u-haul for me thank you...lol. You HO!
iteach Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about having an orgasm. LOL
Tina Don't you feel guilty about taking the race away from iteach?
Turtle Waving a wing at you. Nice to see you back.
Tina My grandkids are half Mexican. What are they supposed to feel guilty about? The Alamo?
Hi kgirl! Did you vote today?
I FINALLY got to vote, after numerous trips around the parking lot until I was able to swoop in and find a space. Beat out a little old lady and I have NO guilt what so ever!
I'm still alive! I can't seem to shake this congestion! I hate "mocos" in my chest LOL!!
Zona~ Loved your fantasy neighbors!
NowMercy~I'm with you and giving guilt a name and vanishing it from our lives!
Jodi~ So glad you son's temp is down.They are never too old to cuddle!
Dreama~ LOL! "NO" in 3 languages!
Glynis~ (shit)Should Have Innocent Thoughts !!
Canadagrl~ -52!! B-R-R-R-R!!
Barb! That was me you were smelling! I just splattered myself with vicks!!
Turtle~ Congrats on the new move! Stay in touch. We aren't going anywhere. Well maybe in our dreams!!
Guilt?? Mostly when I eat something I shouldn't! Or when I win money in Vegas and can't share with my owlettes LOL!!
J/L~ what are any of us supposed to feel guilty about? :)~ I don't know~
K-girl~ HERE!!!!!!!!! mwah~
iteach~ I feel guilty about taking 100 from you~ :( NOT! :)~
mary/mi- I will be happy to send you my address so you can share your winnings! ;)
mary/mi~ lol at mocos! :)~
CG~ Absolutely!! I would love to have you join us. It's in July, so it is the perfect time to visit the PNW. I hope you will seriously consider it!!
Barb~ Why on earth would I make you pray? It is a church retreat, but I am known to be MIA from many of the activities. (Hymn singing especially! ICK!)
Tina & JustLin~ My kids are Mex./Irish!
Bon~ Thanks for the friendly words. Somedays I need to swoop, and somedays I can nest awhile and feed off of the fun.
We have had a Japanese au pair living with us for the past week. I finally found her a new host family and she flies to Michigan tomorrow. My kids are ALL crying right now. They are so sad she has to leave. Now I am feeling guilty that I don't have as much with them as she has been having... and I feel guilty for bringing someone into the home that is going to leave and break their hearts. Oh well, I know that this is a good lesson to learn, so the guilt will quickly die off. But still, the pain of seeing my kids crying because they love someone who has to leave. OH MY!
goldie:
Polls open at 7PM our time. I will go down and place my vote, as every vote counts!!!!
j/l: Waving a fin back!
mary/MI: I will be around, trust
me.
tina: Aloha wau a ia oe' meke pumehana pa'a wahine.
ZonaBaby - Dr. Dyer's book really did help me. I also took to heart the chapter on "You don't need their approval". When I would get upset by someone's remarks I would repeat his words - "That person is not important enough in your life to allow him to upset you". It worked. The trouble is the effect would wear off eventually.
I can't wait for the mail to come. Whoopee!!!!!!
I must get something done so I can watch American Idol on the early feed. Catch you all later.
Turtle, get the darn internet hooked up, quickly!
Yes, CG, I am blamimg you ! I sound just like you did when you were sick.
CG- The difference is that I went to the doctor ! LOL
Glynis~ several years ago I was off work and baby sat for for my new neighbors baby boy. I watched him for 3 yrs. Every time his Mother picked him up he would cry something terrible! I felt so bad for her! He had gotten very attached to me. I eventually had to go to work. I had to stay away from him for a while. Even when I visited him he would cling to me and beg me to stay. I was feeling guilty big time! He is 16 yrs old now. I don't think I caused him any lasting trauma LOL!!
Kgrl~ I love you, too~ :D
aw shucks glynis.....that means i would have to be on my best behavior. i don't have a best behavior.
Hi Everyone!! Zona, I must be your sister. I am full of guilt and worry. I came by in naturally from my dad. I make up things to worry about and hate it!! The guilt is also from being raised Catholic (I think) and then I have a brother that relishes the fact that he can make me feel guilty about anything!!
Just wanted to add my two cents to the blog from yesterday that I would love to take a dream vacation/cruise to Anartica. I don't like warm places too much and I would love to see the scenery and I love cruises!!
I also was wondering why the floor is all sticky from OJ..it's everywhere? I spent part of the day at McDonalds today with my 4 grandchildren and dil (other grandson in school). They have suck a good time there and it gives my dil a break and nice for the cousins to get a chance to play together.
Let's have dinner as I don't this lunch was served today~~~
NowMercy, I will cook tonight...
Spaghetti and Meat Balls
Lasagna
Garlic Bread
Tossed Salads w/various dressings
Wine
Spumoni ice cream
NowMercy: I had to read twice on your post earlier today when it said you "feel guilty for not pulling out fast enough." Now that might be a good quote for the day!!
well in case I cannot pooch off of someone else's wireless tonight I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.
Want: keep taking those meds and lots of fluids..... Cause I said so.
Barb~ Oh PULLEEZE! Do you really think that I am on my best behavior? Afterall, look at what I sit in church and SEE. A few of these women know about my "vision" and they crack up laughing. This isn't a crusty group of women... these are feminists, hysterical, fun loving women who know how to have a good time. I promise!!
Happy Tuesday Evening...
LOL - I have read all the comments today and all I can remember is that someone "pulled out early" - is that sick or what!! :-)
IBB - congrats on being first - and I sure hope you feel better soon - you SOUND terrible!! Hope your company didn't stay long!!
and seriously - my mind is just really in the gutter...
Watching IDOL - it's only one hour into it - I am exhausted and should be going to bed!!
Tourney starts tomorrow - VERY excited - i will try to stand where I KNOW I'll get on TV!! LOL
Cpgem - thanks for your blog - HA - MEK feel guilty - SHIT!! that is an understatement...
OH - I just remembered something else - the "short version" - :-)
last year, when I turned FIFTY - my new "catch phrase" became
"FUCK 'EM" - it works for just about everything..
okay - I'm rambling and 4a.m, comes really early - I do NOT know how some of you ladies can stay up all night long!! :-)
I hope everyone has an excellent Wednesday!!! :-)
Mary/Mi: If the guilt gets really hard to cope with, of COURSE you can share your winnings with your beloved owlettes!
BTW, have I ever sent you my mailing address?
NOT REALLY A SPOILER.....
BUT ---
may I just say - I really do NOT enjoy when these kids get all cocky and tell those judges what THEY think....... makes me NOT want to vote for them...
G - saw you got spanked on the Rossblog! Love your defence of Canada, btw. You rock!
Mek- I will be looking on TV for the lady that seems to have no hands. Or, is tripping over her jacket sleeves. Will you be wearing the red hat?
Want - LOL - our baseball cap IS red!!!!!!! but I am opting for my straw hat!!! :-)
Whabby - when is the moon full?
Gosh - i really do need to go to bed.........
Do we have to mention that "other" blog here CG? Let's not.
Lets talk about snacks! Who is making them tonight?
Mek - The moon is full tomorrow night. Can't you feel it in the air. There is electricity in the air I think on the week of the full moon. My daughter is a nurse and she says you can always tell in the Emergency room when the moon is about to be full. Why is that Bear?
Shirley, wake up, I'm hungry! :)
Lol at Glynis getting a civic lesson on the place Want2 doesnt' want mentioned! I thought you handled it very nicely G.
I missed the first 10 minutes of BB- so I have to figure out what happened with the game play.
Have a good night everyone.
Have fun tomorrow MEK!!
Good night Goldie!
Hey Owls,
Lots of guilty peeps on the blog today, is it guilty by association?
Or just plain guilt?
mo
Thanks for the very kind words, you made me smile ;O)
mek
Enjoy tomorrow, don't push yourself to much, get lots of rest in between, and don't forget the pics.
want
Glad you went to the doctor, I should have done the same.
now mercy
"it is the trip I lay on myself when I don't meet another's expectations" exactly! Me too, however I call that guilt, perhaps your explanation is a better way to think of it.
whabby
Guilt for me can sometimes be remorse as well, it just depends on the situation. I know this much
Guilt surrounds me.
glynis
Good for you! Doing what needs to done! And the shit on the pastor
why to funny. :O)
tinka
Congrats on the wotd..Kudos...
iteach
Here are some oreo cookies to snack on! The milk is in the fridge..
all
Great commenting on the guilt issue, I love reading how everyone else handles things.
mary
I agree with Whabby if the guilt is to much, I can help you...
:O)
iteach~ for you:
pretzels
popcorn
Diet Pepsi
rice cakes
See's Candy
Peanut Butter M&M's
Peanut M&M's
Dove Ice Cream Bars
Chips and Onion Dip
Chocolate covered strawberry's
Tons of whipped cream
Lemon Cream Cake
Pepsi~
tina
I will take the Dove ice cream bars.
Milk chocolate not the Dark chocolate ones.
Delish!
tina
Are you feeling guilty because you are blogging while at work?
Hmmm...I think not!
Thank you Carol and Tina!
I handle my guilt by eating, eating, and eating.
iteach
I am with you on that!
pass the oreo's please...oh and don't forgot the dove bars...
Ok. I am full now (I eat fast)
I am off to bed, see you all tomorrow.
nite
:O)
Good night Carol!
Goodnight Carol.....I feel guilty because these phone calls are keeping me away from the blog~ :)~
iteach~ I love to eat when I'm bummed/happy/feeling guilty/sad/hungry!~ :)~ AND I love it when people join me~ :D
Night Carol!
Whabbear~ No, I don't have your mailing address, too bad. I had a bundle to send you.Too late the cash has been stashed! HEH HEH!!
It is so sweet of so many of you willing to relieve me of the burden of guilt from having all the $$ LOL!!
Sleep tight MEK!!
Mary, remember when I reminded you about the pinky swear to share you winnings and you didn't remember? You would have not any guilt from the beginning. Now you have double guilt!
Tinkatia
the comment from your book is so very true.
Dianne
thank you for that wonderful Italian dinner.
Mary/Mi
ditto of what Wabbear said.
Tina - I am going to be good and only have rice cakes. I know I can sound so obnoxious when I could be eating chocolate. The nuns told me I would have more jewels in my crown when I got to heaven. I guess heaven is just as mercenary as earth.
Dreamatexas - I really got a lot out of that book. It helped a great deal.
VIG - Thanks for the message that you are safe in Ontario tonight. Stay warm. See you in a week.
Amicus - I can't thank you enough for the surprise this morning - opening my page and finding the Ghost Whisperers. It was like Christmas morning all over again.
I watched both "Hairspray" and "Dreamgirls" and loved them both. I don't know what to watch tonight. Maybe I will get back to "The Walton's". Sleep tight little owls. See you bright and early tomorrow morning. Love, Tinka
I watched Dream Girls & Hair Spray. John Travolta as a woman. That was so funny.
Got to get to bed. It's way past midnight. Furbaby done left me and went to bed without me tonight.
Dreama Whabbear & Diane~
Midnight goodies as follows~
5 ~ $1,000 bills
10 ~ $100.00 bills
20 ~ $50.00 bills
40 ~ $20.00 bills
various $10s,$5s $ 1s
Dive in !
Ah!! My guilt has been washed away!!
Good night all!
Dreama, glad you liked the dinner. I am not Italian, so I had it catered. Mary, I will take the thousand dollar bills, please. I am so glad to help you get over that guilt. As I have tried to convince JustLin in the past, we are here to help!!!
Shoot! I should have stopped in a half hour ago when Mary was handing out the money. Oh, well. Good night owls. See you all tomorrow. Sleep well.
Hello everyone!
It is almost 11:00 pm California time and I just wanted to fly by and say HI!
Today's Blog is just SO me. I feel guilty for everything.
From not being a good enough student, for not going on to college, for not being a good enough Mother to my girls after their father was killed, for not saving enough money for my retirement, (oh boy, now here I am retirement age, and its difficult), for not being there for all my friends when they are there for me, for not responding quick enough to all the wonderful emails and comments I get from all my lovely friends here on the OwlsNest.
I could certainly go on and on, but then I would sound like a whiney, pity me person. And I really am not like that. At least I don't think so.
So, I have come to the conclusion that society makes us Women feel all this guilt. Do I stay home with the kids, or do I go to work? Do I keep a spic and span home or do I take time out for my children and grandchildren. Is it wrong to take a "spa" day, when I could be doing other more useful things with my life?
Anyway, that is my very humble opinion on the question of guilt.
Now, on the OTHER hand, I have learned from my daughter Amanda, who has been through recovery, (yesterday was her 5th Sober Birthday!) YAY AMANDA!!!, that NO ONE Can Make You Feel Guilty, or Hurt Your Feelings. You are responsible for your own feelings and self-worth.
I have read most of the Big Book, and appreciate so much of what the 12 steps stand for.
Now, I am reading a most fantastic book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. Another beautiful book, (the illustrations are amazing) and the information is also wonderful. Some of her opinions I do not agree with, but on the whole, she gets it right almost every time.
Another wonderful book she has is called "I Can Do It", a daily Affirmation book, with different sections for for all aspects of your life.
Now, I am not endorsing these books. I have nothing to do with the author etc., just wanted to let you know of some really wonderful reading material out there for all of us, at different stages of our lives.
(I am still reading my trashy novels, too!!!, I have not gone all crazy on you!)
Quick update on Miss Laurie and myself. We are still both very sick. Its been almost 20 days now that I have been sick with this flu. I got better after about a week, then Laurie got bronchial pneumonia, and now I seem to have had a relapse. That is why I have not been active on the Nest, (or on R Blog).
Laurie did do her 24 hour Holter test, and now we are just waiting for the other two tests to be sheduled and then we can meet with the cardiologist and surgeons and plan for what is next. Of course, none of this can happen until we are well. And, now it is rainy again here in Northern California, and so much flu is going around everywhere, I am afraid to take her out, even to Kaiser, and I just run out and do what is necessary and get home as fast as I can.
I know this is late, and most of you will not even read this until tomorrow morning, most likely when a new Blog will be posted!
So, for those still here tonight, sweet dreams, and for those tomorrow, I hope you all have a wonderful, happy and enjoyable Wednesday!
I love you all!!! Peace, DonnaJean and Laurie Elizabeth
DonnaJean Good night. Sleep well. Hope you get better soon. (((HUGS))) to you and Laurie.
DonnaJean: It is nice to hear from you. I am so sorry you and Laurie are still both feeling bad. It seems like it takes forever to get over this creepy crud! I want to send you positive thoughs and hugs. Take care of yourself and Laurie and congratulations to your daughter, Amanda!!
Pretty quiet in here tonight. Jodi and Tina and Zona...where are you?
Well, this conversation with myself is getting rather tedious so I guess I will go to bed. Good night anyone out there...
DIANNE-TALKING-TO-HERSELF-IN-DENVER - So sorry I missed you!!! Have a good Wednesday.
DONNA JEAN - ((((HUGS)))) to you and Laurie. Congrats to Amanda - that's great. My husband will celebrate one year in May - I'm so proud of him.
TINA - I hope you get rid of your migraine!!! I'll catch you later.
JODI: Flying through before hubby gets home. I hope your son is feeling better! How is your dad liking the Valley of the Sun?? Have a great Hump Day. Be good!
DIANNE: Yep, I think we could be the worry sisters. What a team we would make! Wonder what our colors would be? ;) Sorry I missed you this morning.
TINA: I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Maybe you need more sleep? Or maaaayyybbeee baaaaby you have too many names in your head right now..;)..feel better hot stuff.
IBB: Did you check out that site for BB9??
TINA2: A WEEKLONG (sorry didn't mean to yell) series?? Oh you have really underestimated my capacity for worry and guilt! ;)
MARY/MI: Waiting anxiously to see who moves in across the street. They seem to come and go in the evening. Could be interesting...;)
Good morning to all and have a great Hump Day!
Happy Wednesday!!
Happy First day of World Match Play.
Hope everyone has an excellent day!!!!! :-)
Off we go!!
love to all........
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