from our dear night owl
shirley
who i happen to think
is very smart
Words
by shirley
I got the idea for this post from comments I read by Donna Jean about the word retarded.
"Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you."
How many times have we heard that saying in our lives? More than I care to count, and it's so untrue. Wounds can heal, but, once a word has been spoken you can't take it back.
Being overweight I have been called every name in the book, but, the word that hurts the most is "stupid". I've heard it mainly from my mother. I don't think she realizes how hurt it makes me feel and I'm not able to tell her. I know the word "stupid" has had a huge influence over my life though. It has stopped me from doing so many things because I just don't think I'm smart enough.
Is there any one word that has affected your life...made you feel small and insignificant...or angry and outraged? Have you been hurt by a word? Do we even realize the power a word can have? I'd like to know what you think of words. Do you believe sticks and stone can break your bones but names will never hurt you? Hmmmmmmm.
475 comments:
1 – 200 of 475 Newer› Newest»SHIRLEY: I know how words can hurt. My brother called me worthless from the time I was about eight years old. He told me no-one would ever like me, and no man would ever want to marry me. When I was 16 I just turned off that part of my brain that dealt with him. I didn't let him hurt me anymore. I am sorry that you have been hurt by words too. I absolutely know how you feel.
Good morning to everyone that posts after me, I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Good morning owls!
"Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt you." Names hurt your heart and hearts take much longer to heal than bones!
TY cpgem for this blog!
Good morning ZonaBaby!
Correction ~ "your bones" not "my" bones ~ sorry for the misquote.
GRANDMA MOSES: Good Morning! I had a rough time falling asleep..but think I will try again. So I will also say Good Night!
SHIRLEY: Just one more thing. Read your blog again..then go back and read the posts you have written about your dad and other subjects...you are NOT stupid. I don't care who says it. You're NOT!
Shirley, thank you for this post. It has provoked many thoughts for me.
Zonababy, congrats on #1!!!
Sweet dreams Zona ~ you must be in a different time zone. 9:00am for me.
Good Morning ZonaBaby - What are you doing up so early Congrats on being first. I am just letting my doggies out. I will be back.
Good Morning Grandma Moses-
How are you this fine Sunday morning?
Good morning my feathered friends,
Shirley, great TOTD and so sorry for your pain. HEY GIRL, YOU'RE NOT STUPID....You're as sharp as a tack, and funny as hell too. Luv ya, so stop talkin' smack!
Zona~ sleep well, I bet you dream of frolicking in the snow.
Grandma Moses~Nice to see you this morning.
Pink/Tink~~Good Sunday morning to you.
It has always been my opinion that the sweetest word in the English language is the word...Home. It's where you are loved, find peace, lick your wounds from the outside world, and your overall safe-haven. Add another word to the word Home, and it becomes even sweeter...i.e., coming home, going home, my/our home. The word Home is so joined with the feelings of love and security many have hung samplers with the expression "Home Sweet Home" in their kitchens, which is the most prevalent room in the house for family love.
As far as negative words being used, especially directed toward children, I have seen the consequences first hand, of how outlandish choice of words can ultimately change a child's future. As a little girl, we had a family that lived across the street that had a son named Jimmy, about my age, who played with my brother and me. Just a regular little kid, but seemed to get yelled at a lot by his mother who would say he was bad...bad to the bone. As years passed he started doing mean things to neighborhood kids and saying bad words. Eventually, Jimmy ended-up in prison in his twenties, so I guess he was listening, and learned to live his life in the beliefs that were taught to him by the one person that should have been singing his praises, his own mother.
Long winded Ronnie
Ya'll just get me going to much with these great TOTD lol
Good morning Tinkatia and Ronniegirl!
Ronniegirl, so sad about Jimmy ~ our children live up or down to our expectations of them, for that matter, everyone does. I have a lot of favorite words, home is great and I love the word stay, either said by me or to me.
You know what Shirley, I use words to hurt myself.
Sometimes I can say the meanest things about myself.
I really try to turn that voice off.
grandma moses~~
I agree with you about our little children. They are all born with a 'clean, blank slate', and their impressions of who they are are molded. Sweet little story for you: I had a friend with a little girl that wasn't the most beautiful child, but because of the teachings of her mother, she grew into the most gorgeous person. No one ever notices her physical short-comings, just her heart and huge smile.
Ronnie
"It is God who makes women beautiful. It is the devil who makes them pretty."
(Got that in a fortune cookie long ago, and always liked it.)
Good morning Zonababy and congrats on #1!
Good morning Grandma moses! You're right, it does take the heart longer to heal and sometimes it never does.
Good morning Ronniegirl! Home is a nice word. For 35 years I lived at "home" but always called it "mum's house". My appartment is my home.
iteach~~
Good morning to you.
Take care of you, we all need to learn to be our own biggest fan.
Have a great Sunday.
Ronnie
Ronniegirl I loved your story about the little girl. I am crying now because that is all I wanted all my life is for people to not look at my fat ugly body and see who I was inside.
Shirley~~
AND isn't home a great place to be?
You've gathered your twigs and made your own little cozy nest and, indeed it's called, home. Now, aren't you proud of yourself?
Take care,
Ronnie
Shirley - Excellent post.
Name Calling - That was one thing I worked so hard at curtailing during the years I taught school. Some children took such pleasure in it. I have spent many an hour holding a crying child who had been called 'fat' or 'stupid' far too often on the playground. I used to wonder after talking to parents about this issue if they resorted to name calling at home as well. They never seemed to be as upset about it as I was. A child's self image is so fragile and easily manipulated. Being called unkind words can affect how she feels about herself the rest of her life. I think back on those little children who are now adults and would love to be able to have a discussion about how they were treated at school. How many of them were able to overcome the hurt? How many still remember the sting they felt when they were hurt by others? I can only imagine the answer.
The only name I was ever called was "black legs" and that was by neighbourhood children. At St. Ann's we wore uniforms at school. This included wearing black stockings. As this was before the days of black leotards we looked very different from the public school children. Each day my sister and I would run home from the bus stop being taunted about our clothes. Although it annoyed us at the time the only effect it had was in our choosing never to play with children in our neighbourhood. I don't think that had any permanent effect of our self image.
Shirley~~
I've never had the physical pleasure of meeting you....BUT, My Dear Friend, YOU are beautiful!!
Ronnie
Good Morning Owls!
Interesting topic Shirley...I think everyone of us has a responsibility to guard our words carefully, which can be a very hard thing to do. After all we use words constantly. Do we always think about how those words are going to be perceived? We mainly think about what WE mean, not what the other person is going to hear. Ever notice how much harder it is to communicate with someone in writing? We don't have the physical clues to go by and words can mean so many different things depending on how they are conveyed.A simple phrase such as "Don't do that" Can be heard as a command, a request or a whine depending on the inflection. There are words that are hurtful no matter how they are said and "stupid" is one of them. I think that someone who uses hurtful words feels somehow inferior to that person and is misusing the power of words to elevate themselves. Which is sad.
Sorry to go off on a tangent owls...I hope this makes sense...
Good Morning Feathered Friends
SHILEY, for one thing you are NOT stupid. You are very smart. You are caring. You are funny. You are sweet. You are kind. You are a good friend. You are so many things...and none of them are stupid.
Words can have such a huge impact on our lives. They can take us to incredibly exciting places and drop us into incredible depths. Words are so powerful. I admire the people that can use their words to inspire, amaze, entertain, teach and build people up.
But sadly, there are too many people that can use their words to spread hatred, guilt, bigotry, bias and despair.
And the lack of words can hurt, as well. When people silence themselves instead of speaking up for theirs and others rights, or to praise and promote positivity.
Parents hold the magical key to words and teach us, by example or by words on how we could become positive and productive adults.
Sticks and stones and WORDS can certainly hurt us. We begin living a self-fulfilling prophecy. And instead of proving them wrong...we end up proving them right. So sad.
SHIRLEY, great topic. Really makes me think. And it made me type way too many words for now.
Sorry for the novella.
Hi to ZONA - congrats on being 1st.
GRANDMA MOSES, RONNIE and TINKA and ITEACH (by the way, I think we all do that...say negative things to ourselves...I do.)
Thank you Shirley for the posting.
You took a big leap today and we caught you with our nest.
However, we love you enough to let you fly, but were always here to catch you too!
Good Morning Ronniegirl and Iteach.
Ronniegirl - I so agree on home being your sanctuary. As soon as my sister and I got in the house we felt so safe from those neighbourhood boys.
iteach - Now that you have written it down you must vow to never call yourself names again. Focus on the fact that you are an excellent teacher and wonderful friend.
Ok, enough with the pity party. Lets have breakfast. Don't eat too much though cause Maureen is making us a huge dinner(she just doesn't know it yet).
toast
muffins
bagels
butter
jams & jellies
fresh fruit
juices
coffees
teas
Enjoy, I'll be back later. Thanks everyone for all the nice comments about my blog.
Good Morning Maureen and Scirish - We must have been writing at the same time. I will be back to read your posts. I need my orange juice.
Shirley~~
Re: your post 10:16
All you ever wanted was for people to look past the physical and see who you are inside. Well, My Dear,
I don't know just how many people blog on Carol's site, but everyone here "sees" you and thinks a lot of you. BTW, do you think the people who don't know how to do their own taxes would bring them to someone they consider stupid?
Don't make me come over there...
Ronnie
Good morning Iteach, Maureen and Tinktatia.
I forgot to leave cream cheese for the bagels.
Ronniegirl do you have a myspace page?
Shirley~
Thank you for breakfast, i believe I'll just have coffee this morning.
Ronnie
Shirley~~
No, thinking about putting one together. Mo is 'kinda' pushing me. This blog is making me see that myspace would be fun too.
If I do get one, Shirley, will you be a friend?
Ronnie
Ok I'm off to watch Coronation Street that I taped earlier this morning. I'll be back later.
Remember, don't eat too much breakfast. We have to have lots of room for Maureen's big dinner surprise. Oh, I hope it's a turkey dinner with all the extras or maybe a roast beef dinner. Hmmmmm I can't wait! Maybe we will get double layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for desert. Yum yum!
Ronniegirl I will definately be your friend. See ya later.
For once, I'm here early enough to shout out individual "Good Morning!" to the morning-dove owls I usually miss. Good Sunday Shirley, Zona, Grams, Tinka, Ronniegirl, iTeach, Mo and Scirish. As always, enjoying starting the day with your WORDS!
I'm not sure a word, spoken once, carries that much weight or influence. However, words repeated are 'the medium' and "the medium is the message". Whether addressed to us repeatedly by others or our messages to ourselves, played like a looped tape or CD, they are undeniable life-altering.l
Shirley, while reading your questions, the words that began to 'loop' through my head are the wonderful but sad lyrics from South Pacific:
"You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!"
Be back later after thinking on these WORDS. Blessed Sunday and inspired Self-Messaging, Nest!!
Shirley - My bright and wonderful friend. I have come back for one of your muffins to go with my orange juice. You were so sweet to make them.
Ronniegirl - Your assignment for this week is to make a myspace. Just start it simply so we can post some comments on it and you can see our pictures. Then you can fix it
up later. Ms Tinka
I can talk a good ball game. I couldn't get started and Amicus took pity on me and did the whole thing. I am learning however and you can learn along with me.
OMG, GOOD MORNING MOWEENIE! I 'danced all around ya, and didn't even say hello....Good Sunday morning to you, my dear friend.
Good morning to you, Bon'Oregon.
See everyone a little later.
Ronnie
Tinkatia~~
I remember from the 'other' blog when you were setting-up your page and the time you had. God bless Amicus, huh?
Back in a lil' while.
Ronnie
Good Morning Bon O - I enjoyed your poem. What year was it written? Am I old enough to remember it? LOL. Did you really memorize bible verses in the sixth grade? For those of you who don't know what I am talking about will have to go back to area 51.
Have a great day my friend.
Ronniegirl - How well I remember. First Lovey taught me how to do picture comments and it was the hardest assignment I ever had to do. Then when myspace was too overwhelming Amicus did the whole thing for me. The only thing I did was pick the song
"My Happiness". Amicus has already made my St. Patrick's Day layout. We are putting it up at the end of the month. After that I am determined to do it on my own so we can learn together.
Yes God love Amicus. She has helped a lot of us.
Ronniegirl~~ Ask JustLin how pursuasive we can be about MySpace! And wait 'til you see how much fun SHE's having with it.
Tinka~~Good one! Yes, indeedy, I memorized a lot of the Bible very early in life. There was usually some Vacation Bible School reward involved....like a new Bible...to learn more verses. :o)
Good Morning all my lovely Owlettes!!! I sure do hope the sun is shining somehwhere today! If maybe you could send some over to the West Coast, preferably to Santa Rosa, it would be most appreciated!
It is another grey, gloomy very rainy day! The only good thing about this, is that it is an excuse NOT to to anything!
Shirley, my good friend, I so enjoyed your blog this morning!
In my best Forrest Gump impression "STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES". And that tells it all. In fact, most of my favorite quotes come from that lovely movie.
But, as you so eloquently say, words do hurt. They hurt deeply, long-lastingly, and sometimes, can actually cause the most irreperable harm, death or suicide.
So yes, I agree, we must all think very carefully before we start yakking away, because once out of our mouths, you just can't take them back, no matter how much you wish you could.
Going back to my comment regarding the word "retarded", yes it is a perfectly natural word. It is in the dictionary. It means, as I said to "hinder, slow, or delay the advancement", and that in itself is not a bad word.
It is in the usage of that word, the connotation in which you are referring to where it beomes the "r" word.
The same can be said about myriads of other words in this beautiful language of ours.
At first, I thought it was just young people, not yet quite sophisticated to the wise ways of the world that use words like this in their everyday language, not giving it a second thought.
Boy, how wrong I can be! Supposedly grown up, intelligent adults are still using words to some degree to hurt others. Perhaps intentionally, perhaps not, but, nontheless, these words are out there, and we are all being bombarded by them daily.
The only recourse I believe we have, is to make sure that we ourselves are extremely careful in our own use of language, not be afraid to call attention to someone who is using offensive words, (with much caution, though, we must be safe!) and make sure that we teach our own young ones, children, grandchildren, neices, nephews, children of friends, whoever you know out there, that these words are unacceptable, and will NOT BE TOLERATED!
The old Spiritual "Let There Be Peace On Earth, and Let It Begin With Me", works in this situation as well. "Let There Be Beautiful Words on Earth, and Let Them Begin With Me"
OK, so much for my long novel.
I'm ready for breakfast! And thank you Shirley too, for bringing that along as well!
I hope everyone has a most lovely day, whether the sun is shining or we are enjoying liquid sunshine, or white glistening snow, we can make this a great day if we only want to!
Oh, and before I leave, I must give my thanks to so many of you who have been sending such beautiful get well wishes to both myself and Miss Laurie.
If I try to list you all, I am sure I would inadvertently leave off a name, and I would not want to do that, so, please just accept our heartfealt thanks, and yes, each day seems a bit better. I am just waiting for the morning when I can wake up and say "YES! this thing is over!" Soon, I hope, soon.
With our love to each and everyone of you, DonnaJean and Laurie Elizabeth
DJ~~Just have to give you a quick good mornin' hug. If I had sun, I'd be happy to share! Feels like London here today. Seldom is it foggy and rainy at the same time, but that's today's offering. Take good care of yourself and our gal.
Good Morning, Good Morning!!!!!
In the words of ronniegirl I am HOME!!! Computer is fixed! Wahoo I hear birds singing and Owls hooting!
Congrats on 1st Zona!!!
Shirley what a great thought provoking blog by you this morning! Why on earth anyone would call you stupid is beyond me. I read all of your posts and I see a thoughtful intelligent person.
Yes I think words can not only hurt but shape our futures.
An example for me is that when my Mother passed away and my Dad sat my brother and I down to tell us the first thing he said to me was "Lynn you cannot cry. You will upset your little brother and I need you to be strong for him." This was to a six year old and I still carry that responsibility with me to this day. I have the hardest time crying. That voice comes to me and says you need to stop crying and get on with it.
It has become such a part of me that for years I told people that I had to raise my Dad and brother and I did a lousy job. Logically I now this is ridiculous but emotionally it has ruled my life.
I have in the last few years been trying to erase that tape that runs through my mind, because I know it has helped lead me to depression and anxiety about situations I cannot not change. Still working on it and someday I will get there.
The sticks and stones quote I have heard many times and I have tried to analyze it and I think it is more meant to say you need to put up your armor and let those words bounce off. If I look at it more closely I really believe those that call us those names are afraid themselves. They are repeating what they believe is a flaw or defect in themselves. By saying it to another and hurting them gives them power. But really in their soul, if they have one, it is something they are terrified of because it maybe a self reflection. Does that make sense??? I always think how sad for you when I hear some of these people.
Whew sorry I am back LOL long winded yatta yatta post!
Bono: Thank you for relaying my message yesterday! I was going crazy not being able to get on the blog.
MEK: Watched Tiger yesterday and kept searching for you in the crowd. LOL I was mumbling is that MEK??? Where the heck is she?
Good Morning Zona, Grandma Moses, Tinka, MO, ronniegirl, iteach, Bono, DonnaJean and Dear Laurie, Scirish and anyone else I missed while I was typing this novella!!
Lynn D and Donna Jean - Good Morning.
While I was off answering messages you two both wrote such awe inspiring posts. What insight both of you have. They are excellent and thought provoking posts. Thanks for sharing.
Shirley
What a great topic. I think you are quite marvelous, a fantastic cyber friend, loving and caring and considerate.I also love you so much because you fixed breakfast and I am starving.
Zonababy
congrats on #1
Grandma Moses
is there still snow on the ground?
Tinkatia
luckily when I worked with children I seldom had any name calling problems.There were two kids out of 30 who did it. When I did have a problem it typically turned out to be that the child doing the name calling lived in a home filled with kaos. I took a semester of child psychology and it helped me a lot when dealing with these children and making them feel better about themselves and their own self worth so that they wouldn't lash out at the other children.
It is another nice sunny day here today. If I knew magic (Bewitched) then I'd blink all of you northern gals down here for a day filled full of sunny warmth.
zona
Congrats on 1st, and, you are so worth it! A amazing person you are!
scirish
Thank you for yesterdays daily blog, it is so appreciated! I totally believe in intuition, it happens to me all the time!
shirley
As I have told you before, I think you are so special, you have so much to give, I am very glad you are a "owl". Thanks for today's daily blog! Stupid is def not a word I would use to describe you!
I have had such a busy day today and its only 12:34pm, Geez, I wish at times the days were longer!
I will post later about the daily blog.
Tonite is the Oscars! Will anybody be around tonite? We can watch together!
Hope all has great day!
Smiles and Happiness to you all!
SHIRLEY: Thank you for a thought provoking, heart warming and opening topic. I feel sadness that you Mother was so stuck in her limitations. I feel sadness that your heart and beliefs were affected so deeply. I hope that sharing what happened in such an open and honest way will contribute to healing the old patterns and awaken what is really true..how beautiful and talented and caring you are.
ZONA: I wonder what your brother is like today? I am grateful you somehow found an inner filter to respond to his ignorance.. Hope when you read this you have had a very deep rewarding rest.
GRANDMAM: Sticks and stones...words..they DO hurt don't they. I know plenty of people who would have preferred being hit to years of verbal abuse.
TINK: I am so very appreciative you can hold those sad and hurt and confused children.. what lucky little ones to have your love come to them. (btw.. should I rent Michael Clayton for my afternoon?)
RONNIE: Home=safety. I wish we all had safety. I felt such a pang for Jimmy...and for you and small one witnessing his demise. AND, yay for the mom of that little girl.
ITEACH: In a book I read by Mark Epstien, a Jewish/Buddhist therapist he said, "It is not so much what is done TO us, but what we do to, and tell ourselves afterward that is so very damaging." So hard to have mercy on those harsh inner voices.
SCIRISH:Good point about picking up on cues in communication. I agree about those feeling inferior.. and by the way I loved and understood your "tangent"
MO: Parents have a HUGE role to play and those who haven't been given a chance to mourn or become aware of the wounds they carry and act out of are repeating history. (Looking forward to your dinner surprise)
BONO: I love that song..always always have, it brought tears of appreciation and relief to me.. thank you.
DJ: Right on right on.. even though you may not recognize this..to me you are brave, wise, and kind.. quite the combo.
LYNND: Oh my heart aches for you and I'm so glad you are reaching inside to help yourself. You won't hurt anyone with your tears..you will add to their appreciation of their own humanity.
I'll post my thoughts about this in a bit.
Shirley...a beautiful blog from a beautiful person! Your words (which are so obviously written by an insightful, intelligent person)and all of the Owl's responses today are heartwarming and heartbreaking and underline how tightly we hold on to the messages we heard as children. I think it is also the words we don't hear as children that can impact as well.."you're smart, you're beautiful, you're a good person,etc." that we all need to hear (and that I wish I had of heard of more at home and at school..and is one of the reasons I am a teacher, I want kids to feel good about themselves!!!.)
Your blog, Shirley reminded me of this somewhat overused, but very true quote:
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
VIG - I am so glad you are home, back where Spring Has Sprung. That quote you gave was a good one.
Dreamatexas - When you teach in a school of 500 kids it is hard for 4 teaches on duty on the playground to control what is being said to some of them by their peers. We all had many psychology courses at University but it was a constant battle to try and handle every situation. Some children hated to go outside at recess and lunch hour. It was the district school's policy that children were outside on any rain-free day. On rainy days they were allowed to stay in the classroom with their teachers. I can still see the faces of the little ones who loved rainy days.
Nowmercy - Thank you for the kind words. I am sorry I can't help you with regards to Michael Clayton. Can someone else answer that question?
TINK- oops,thought you were watching it yesterday.
Good Morning OWLS!!
Shirley thank you so much for your blog today.
Honey I know exactly how you feel.
My brother and I grew up being called every derogatory name under the sun.
It took me many years to repair the damage those words did to me.
I reached out for help in healing and I am so grateful I did.
That helped changed my life.
Words spoken or typed have the same impact.In some ways I feel the cyber world can be more hurtful with words.
Here's something I try to remind the cyber world.
~Behind every monitor is a person with feelings not unlike your own~Think before you type~~
Have a splendid Sunday Owls.
Love n Hugs, xox
ZONA~~CONGRATS #1 wtg!!!
DIANN~MO~ZONA~Congrats on
"This Owl Said".
Mo~~ GREAT POST
VIG~welcome home!Love your words today:o)
ITEACH~I have tequila ready if u need some today hehe.
I'm always ready for a drink or a nap or.........
nowmercy~~
Thank you for sharing your heart. I wasn't going to tell the total outcome of Jimmy, because the worst part happened a few years after he got out of prison, and I felt it might be a bit much too share, but I will now. I guess he didn't learn how to change his way of living while he was locked behind bars because he continued to repeat the history of his past.
Jimmy was murdered in a bar some years after his release.
If this story, in any remote way, can change the treatment of just one child.....then, I'm glad I told it.
Ronnie
I have 12 myspace layouts to make today, so I won't be back till later tonight.
Ya'll be good now, or at least be good at being bad.
:oP
♥xox♥
Sorry, I thought for a while before I clicked 'publish' and just had to click.
Hope I haven't upset anyone, but we have all heard such pitiful stories that started with a "lovely family that just doesn't know where they went wrong".
Ronnie
Tink...thanks, nice lady! I am glad to be home...but kind of mixed up on time zones right now...I have been doing things three hours ahead for the last few days! I wish you I had of had you for a teacher..you talk with such love and caring about the students (and their little faces!) I have this certain feeling that you are remembered now by many, many people as their favourite teacher!
Hi Lovey....you are a wonderful person. Thanks for your words here. And thank you again for all the info I needed in coming to your part of the country.
Wow...the honesty and the sharing here today, as always, is unbelievably honest and open.
Group hug, anyone?
Words..so easy to say and so hard to retract. I spent a long time believing I was dangerous to others because my role in my family was peacemaker which meant any authentic anger, fear or frustration needed to be subverted. I was physically and emotionally/verbally abused and I can tell you I would much rather deal with just the ptsd that comes from the physical abuse than my inner patterns based on what I took in as a child.
But what to do? Rage at my parents? At their parents? And on and on. I had to and still have to mourn and mourn and celebrate the small and big successes I have in changing an ancestoral patterning as well as cultural patterning.
As a result I have become a practitioner (emphasis on practice) of "non-violent communication". The root can be expressed this way:
"WHEN YOU IGNORE THE WORDS AND LISTEN FOR THE FEELINGS AND NEEDS BEHIND THEM, COMMUNICATION AND PEACE NATURALLY OCCUR"
The trick is ignoring the words..because I have so many places they can stick to and so many ways I can forget mercy for me and others. My kiddo has a better chance I hope..the other day she told a teacher who was being sarcastic that her personal goal with him was to share a sincere smile with him every day and hope that whatever made him frustrated would get less. They are buddies now. What a difference, if she'd "made him bad" or "mean" or "stupid".
So my heros is this effort of communication are Marshall Rosenberg (cvnc.org) Stephen Levine ("Unattended Sorrows").
So my prayer for us all is that our suffering will be released, our understanding of our wounds will be merciful and timely, and our energy for love and laughter will increase, and that when it REALLY counts we will all be able to: Say what we really mean and need and feel, and our words will reflect the peace we want to experience.
vig~~
(((hug)))
Ronnie
RONIE: Are you needing to know your words are reflect your desire to contribute to understanding and not overwhelm people. Your words certainly did meet my want for authenticity and reality! These events do happen, and your hope that it will help even one child's future is so heartfelt, and certainly is a tribute to Jimmy, and an honest reflection of what he endured.
Thanks.
VIG: Let's have that hug!
LOVEY: I agree..we are all beings with hearts and minds and needs. Good luck with all that creativity.
Go, Tiger...up by 4 to begin the final 18. Are ya smilin', MEK?
Zona Congrats on Numero Uno!
Shirley This is a wonderful topic. Thank you so much for sharing. Please understand that your mother is a flawed human being, as we all are. She is not the ultimate authority on your self worth. You are! Besides we all think you are great and we are very smart people. :)
Words can definitely cut deeper than blows. They can annihilate a persons' self worth. After the violence I went through in my first marriage, it took a while for me to rediscover who I am. His hateful words had absolutely destroyed the essence of "me". The physical wounds were severe and many but it was the verbal wounds that were the most difficult to heal.
nowmercy I always love to read your take on things. You always make me think. Thank you.
I rarely buy the newspaper because I can read the top news stories on line at AOL. After each news story there is an area where people can post comments and most of these comments are so filled full of hatred. These people could be out in the world enjoying their lives but instead they live on a computer and spew hatred.
Morning, owls! I've read all these posts with great interest... thank-you, Shirley!
In answer to your question: Do I have a word? Actually, I've got a few.
Fag. Homo. Queer. Fairy.
When you hear these words throughout your childhood, your sexual awakening isn't accompanied by feelings of exhilaration and excitement and possibility, the way it is for your peers.
Its accompanied by feelings of horror and desperation. Feelings that, if anything, grow over time, as your peer group dates, falls in love, pairs off, marries, and creates families.
Fag. Homo. Queer. If you are lucky, you eventually overcome your feelings of revulsion for these words, you come out of the closet, and join the human family. For me, that didn't happen until I was 29.
And then, finally, the words lose their power over you, for you finally see them for what they really are.
Frauds. Imposters. Carriers of lies and misinformation. Promoters of deceit and despair.
This is a pretty thought provoking topic. I think, at least for me, the power of words to hurt depends on who is saying it. I remember clearly my father saying (more than once) that he wished it was me that died instead of my brother. Although I agreed with him, those words destroyed me - and stay with me to this day.
Now I am pretty hard to insult or hurt with words - unless it is coming from my husband or kids. Then even the most harmless of criticism can wound me deeply - far more than is intended, I'm sure.
For those who have been hurt by words, it is easy for us all to say they are not true (we know that intellectually anyways), but they do stay with us and influence our own opinions of ourselves, in spite of our intelligent minds - it is the heart that is hurt, and that is pretty slow to heal.
WHABBY: In addition to your comment, I fear that the bias and subtle and not so subtle put downs of "being gay" is on the rise. I am really saddened by that..and hope it is part of the final effort before the system changes to inclusiveness.
Zonababy, Grandma moses, Tinktatia, Ronniegirl, Iteach, Scirish, Maureen, Bon'oregon, DonnaJean, Lynn D, Dreamatexas, Carol, Nowmercy, Vig, Lovey, Just lin and Whabbear thank you. You have all contributed so much to this topic...personal stories...song lyrics...poems. What a diverse group of people we have here. You guys are so great.
Has anyone heard from Birdee,Tina or IBB?
Group hug.
Tinka,
wow, that would be difficult trying to watch 300 kids on a playground. When I was in grade school we were seperated. Each classroom played in seperate areas. In Jr. High we all mixed together. The worst thing we did was a few of us girls in 7th grade doused the boys we liked with perfume. This is how we showed a boy that we had a crush on him. The boys would run but they always seemed so proud at the end smelling all pretty. They knew that it meant they were special.
:0)
Shirley
Birdie was going off for the week end I think and IbeBold must still be sick.
Whabbear...as always, love to read what you have to say about the blog topic. Just wondering what you think about the words that caused you pain being reclaimed by the gay community. Bitch has been reclaimed by women and other marginalized communities have re-appropriated the words that have been used to oppress.
Do you find it empowering or perpetuating?
Hi Canadiangirl!
Thanks Dreanatexas.
IBB if you are reading I hope you get better soon.
Vig good question.
I don't understand why it is ok for some people to say a certain word but not ok for others. Like the "n" word. I think it is a nasty evil word and should never be spoken. But it is. Can anyone explain this to me?
My heart aches for those of you who've had to spend a lifetime overcoming such abusive words. I still remember being shattered by the worst, but very innocuous exclamation I ever heard directed at me from my mother. Although I was probably only 4 or 5, I can remember exactly where we were standing, the look on her face, the fact that she addressed me by both my first AND middle names---something we all know means Mom is SERIOUSLY angry. She told me I was *shouting*"SO bull-headed!!" How mild a word. But at the time, I had no idea what it meant. I just knew she was very disappointed in me and I was so not a good person. If, at my ripe old age, I still remember that moment, I can only imagine the toll of trudging through life carrying the weight of repeated insults. I especially feel for those who are condemned, with words of prejudice,not for their actions, addictions or personalities, but for the very essence of who and what they are.
We are all truly survivors. My hope is that we continue to (as I mentioned off-blog to Shirley earlier) speak fondly to ourselves as we ARE listening. (((Group Hug)))
VIG~~Excellent question!! Boy, do I have thoughts on that one. But, enough from me for a while. :o)
NowMercy: Amen to that!
Bon'O: Thank you for those sentiments (and I know, they weren't just meant for me!) :)
TNVIG: It really is true for me that the words completely lost their sting, so I have no problem with the community co-opting them as a form of empowerment. I think that's why I have no problem with labels like "Fag Hag" either.
Speaking of which...
CG: I read your post, and I'm outraged. How DARE your Dad lay that nonsense on you? Seriously, I'm so mad I could spit.
FWIW, I never knew your brother, but I do know this. If it had been you instead of him, I'd never have met a certain woman from Winnipeg. Never have had the opportunity to make friends with her, and share her joie de vivre so many times in chat. I'd never have had a chance to personally experience her wit, her sparkle, her intelligence and, many times, to stand in awe of her indomitable spirit.
That's what I would have missed out on, if things had worked out differently.
Good Afternoon.
Dinner is in the oven...I'll be back later to serve. But for now, some apperizers
Brie topped with cranberry sauce baked in a flaky crust
Apple and Pear slices
Crackers
Olive Tray
Cheese Tray
Shrimp and Crab Mousse
Tomato/Basil/Mozzarella sprinkled with an aged balsamic and evoo.
Sparklung Waters
Soda Pops
Wine / Beer
Words can certainly shape our lives...whether they are said to us or from us. When I was five, I saw something and said "oh shit"...my father was mortified! He actually slapped me! That was first and ONLY time either my brother and I were hit. And I am sure the slap hurt my dad far more then it did me. However, all these years later, I still have a filthy mouth, damn it.
So many great posts today. Bery thought provoking.
SHIRLEY, I wish I could answer your last question. It is a word I can not say and shudder when I hear others say it.
Thanks, 'weenie! Can I take some of those appetizers to the Oscar party? Are you catering that, too?
Good Afternoon Owls!
I am checking in and then going to see Mr. Lynn D off on his next business trip. Then I am going to run into my favorite Japanese restaurant and get some take out to eat while I put on my prettiest pair of flannel pj's to watch the Oscars!!!
I have read all of the responses today and I too am overwhelmed by how everyone has responded and shared!! Sending hugs to all!
I think as I get older that words like bitch etc... just have so little meaning to me that they slide off or I laugh them off.
I am learning more and more that it really is up to me as an adult to either be offended or just consider the source. It doesn't mean I don't get mad or upset sometimes but really that is up to me to control.
It could just mean I am too lazy to deal with it too! LOL You know not worth the expended energy.
But if it is directed at a child I am in there like a tiger!!
Speaking of Tiger I just flipped to the match and he was up 7. I still don't think I saw MEK tho! Dang!
Whab....are you and I the only ones watching golf and not having our Sunday nap? I'm sure the late afternooners and nightowls will have much more to add to Shirley's original questions.
I think it would also be enlightening to hear the flip side of the impact of words. What early messages did you receive that inspired and encouraged you?
For me, it was eight simple words written in an autograph book by my 8th grade teacher, Mrs. Martin. She wrote, "Your poise and confidence will carry you far." I still remember my surprise in reading them. A clumsy backwoods adolescent at the time, I didn't 'feel' very confident inside my own skin and certainly had no clue about poise! But, if my respected and worldly-wise teacher thought that of me, it must be true! Again, a few seemingly insignificant words, but I remembered them----throughout high school, college, career life and beyond. What words had that effect for you?
p.s. If anyone cares, Tiger just won!!
p.p.s. As I preview this, I see Lynn and Mo. Welcome back!
Hola hooters!
WOW what a great topic.
Shirley, I feel bad that you were called names by your mother.
It's hard enough being a kid growing up, especially if you're not the in the popular group or an athlete.
To think of a parent, the nurterer and one who guides you through life, criticizing or calling names, is beyond sad and pathetic.
I have never gotten the impression that you are stupid, Shirley. You have a wicked sense of humor and I myself think you are hysterical.
I hope that you can find it in yourself to see you as we do, as a kind, funny, smart lady.
We are still getting downpoured upon here in the east bay. Besides raining and ugly outside, it's cold. I'm expecting snowflakes at any time!
I put the heating pad on for Paula and she is laying on it, wrapped in a blanket. She is so cute.
Til later!
SHIRLEY: Very good thought provoking blog. I (as many) can relate to being talked down to but not by my parents but by my first husband (my children's father). It was 34 years ago but I am still around him with kids things and he can still make me get that old feeling of whatever inside my tummy. I have come such a long way since those days but he can make it feel like it was only yesterday. I am pretty outspoken but still not much to him. He has been like this to the kids too. My daughter shrugs it off and is one that speaks back, on the other hand my 35 year old son is still demoralized by it and it makes me furious!! He always tells me that he is "used" to his dad and it's okay but I know it isn't and I still see my son doing anything to get his father's approval. Needless to say, I have been and I guess I always will be extra defensive for my son and I DO speak on that topic to my ex. By the time I left him, I thought I was the biggest reject in the world. It didn't take me too long to realize that maybe it was him. Enough already. My parents were positive and I feel that I am with my children and grandchildren. I just heard my granddaughter say she was dumb yesterday after basketball. I corrected her right away. I constantly tell them how special they are to me.
Shirley: You write often and I doubt you could be stupid to write the great blogs and comments and humor that you write. I think it is just like JUSTLIN said, we are smart..we are owls, darn it!!
DREAMA: We used to have comments to the news on the internet here and it was becoming so hateful that comments are no longer allowed to be posted after a news story.
CG: Come here and let's hug. That is a terrible thing your father said to you. Maybe he was so grief stricken and probably needed some outside help and you were the object of that grief. I am so sorry for that but you know what???? We all love you as I am sure many in your life do too...and I am sure your dad does too.
PS. Third grade kids lost the basketball tournament today. Some cried and others thought they had a good game and were excited for the pizza party!!
Bon'O: I just got a call from MEK... she's tired (got up at 3:30 AM this morning), hungry (she and Mr MEK are off to Crackerbarrel) but happy! They had a blast!
Dianne: I'm off to Denver tomorrow for a three day business trip!
Bono: I laughed when I read about your question on what words were encouraging or inspiring. I used to get praised for having "such wonderful posture" so now when I notice I am slouching I literally think "Oh, I can't slouch, I have such wonderful posture" and up I get.
Yay Tiger..
I will be watching the Oscars tonight but seem to have a touch of tummy trouble which is odd for me. Some of us shared a dish a friend made and we are all suffering a bit. We have decided never to share with anyone who cooked it.. seems like the right thing to do for a friend. Anyhow, in between trips to the potty I'll check in. (TMI? oh well..)
I really think all you night owls are just so very smart, all your stories and happenings are so true to life, it is what we live, how we handle it, and what we become! Life!
I too was a overweight child and was teased quite often because of my weight, in school I was known as the "donut" I took the teasing and just laughed back never letting anyone know my true feelings. I do know that I used to make up lies all the time (and get caught) and I know now I did this for attention as I was craving it from my peers.
Words do hurt, I know this!
My family has always been supportive of my weight problem, and of me in general, I know I am lucky to have a family that always let me live my dreams and always told me if I did not try I would not know.
My dad gave me 15thousand dollars to start my business, as he believed in me, which made me believe in me as well. My business is doing well and my dad sees this daily.
The childhood I once knew is behind me now, and I am a plus size woman
and damn proud of it!
Lane Bryant here I come!
cg
I am so very sorry, your dad uttered those words, even if he was grief stricken it should have not been said!
Many Smiles to you!
:O) :O) :O)
Good afternoon/evening everyone!!
Wow--reading all the posts has really had me sitting back in my chair and thinking. Everyone had such thought provoking things to say. And some of the emotions were so raw, even now. Great blog SHIRLEY!!
SCIRISH: You made perfect sense about writing words versus speaking them. Things can be so easily mis-interpreted.
BON'O: Thank you for the song lyrics. I am wondering if my brother grew up somewhere else and he was sent back to us, because my folks never taught us anything but to love each other. BTW--love your fans!
MAUREEN: I agree that parents teach by example--my sister and I reflect that.
ITEACH: I find that I call myself names before others do. I think it is a way of controlling 'laughing with me' instead of 'at me'.
RGirl: You should jump into Myspace with both feet! You will really like it. Afterall, you do want to see JUST_LIN's long tall drink of Custard, don't you?? ;)
TINKA: My mom told me one of the best things about going to Catholic school was that the nuns wouldn't tolerate name calling. I hope you are having a good visit with your mom. {{HUGS}} and thank you! :)
DJEAN: Good to see you stopping by again. I hope you and Laurie Elizabeth are feeling better.
LYNND: I missed your long legged owl, even if it was only a couple days! Your thoughts on Sticks and Stones made perfect sense to me.
CPGEM8: Thank you. Now you know why I embrace the Happy Blue!
NOWMERCY: I have had no contact with my brother for 17 years...but he was acting the same way then, so I bet he hasn't changed at all.
VIG: You wrote that the quote you posted was "over-used"..I am so glad you posted it, because I don't remember ever reading it. Good to know you are home safe and sound. Did you behave? ;)
LOVEY: You are just frickin' wonderful! You're doing 12 layouts today? I'm lucky if I can copy and paste ONE..pre-made to boot!
JUST_LIN: I read what happened to you and I just get angry..and I seldom if ever get angry.
DIANNE: Get your butt down here to AZ or I am going to have to come to the thin air of Denver, inhaler in hand, and give you a big fat hug!
EBJ: Positive thoughts from AZ to you and Paula!
OK--who got all the sunshine today? It is cloudy and cold here!
Hi and Hey to all that I missed. My post was getting to look like my Michael's receipt, so I thought it time to back away from the keyboard!!
dianne/denver
I know that feeling where you want to say something and you just feel so insecure about it, It happens when my brother and I are together, there is so much I want to say to him and I just don't.
Thank goodness for blogging as it helps me with the thoughts/words!
Carol RIGHT ON GIRL, you GO! I used to lie to and I used to be called two tone belly button barb, becasue I have a scar from a birth defect that runs in a way that make me look like I have two belly buttons.. actually I have none because of the incisions made to save my life. I used to hate that the girls in gym in junior high had talked about the way I looked. Today I could give a flying f... and go to clothing optional hot springs etc. I have a scar from open heart surgery, the birth defect scar, droopy well nursed on breasts, another scar from a botched kidney stone surgery etc. Know WHAT? They aren't autopsy scars and so I am damn glad to have them. If people stare I offer up the stories and they either feel better or quit looking...
Okay.. touched a nerve I guess..anyway, We are all so beautiful inside..what a miracle the body is, heart pumping, food digesting, germs being fought off, blood being produced, joints being lubricated, cells replaced..all right not, right now right now...wooza..we are amazing creatures.
Better stop..may be delirious
mo
I love your filthy mouth, thank goodness for that slap, as I would never want you to be a prude, thats no fun!
And thanks for the apperteaszers!
now mercy
I like two belly buttons or no belly button at all, as it makes you unique!
And your scars all mean something, they are all part of your life, like a tattoo. And I am sure you where them all well!
:O)
nowmercy
Forgot to ask, and you don't have to answer.
Open heart surgery?
whabby
I like to think of you as a "fairy" like in "fairyland" I should not speak for all, however I do think we all feel you are our "fairy" here in the nest.....
:O)
ronniegirl
You must get a myspace it is so much fun. It took me two years to take the plunge and I am so glad I did.
I will be your friend :O)
lovey
12 layouts, wow that is quite a lot
I give you kudos as it takes me a whole day to change my one layout
ebj
Glad Paula is comfy...
How funny, I am talking to myself again, It is actually quite fun, you guys should try it!
♥♥♥
Ok who did I miss
bono, grandma moses,tinka,tina,jodi, mek,iteach,vig,donnajean
anyone else?
I see who I missed!
lynnd,just_lin
And of course...
dreama
Going to eat some dinner...
I will check back later to see what I am up too.
:O)
I want to do a shout out thanks to Tina for updating myspace page for St Pat's Day. I do have to mention that she also "pimped" a couple of things on my page so be prepared JUSTLIN!!
ZONA; Thanks for the offer of the hug. I think I had better go there because we still have snow on the ground..you get my drift, right?
WHABBY; You are going to be in Denver the whole three days? Where are you staying? Are you busy night and day? I am sure the hotel you will be staying as a "Denver Lonestar". Hurry, more info, please!!
NOWMERCY; I had to laugh talking about your scars that at least they aren't autopsy scars. Now that is a very good thought and comment!!
100
Did i do the 100 thing?
Ronnie
Yea, am I 100? It is a first for me. I have been some other numbers to get the prize but never first or 100!!
Carol..are you still talking to yourself? I love it.
Open heart surgery..two years ago, my aortic valve and root (the gasket to the aorta from the heart) were leaking/stretched, so I now have the benefit of a receiving a tissue donation from some soul. Usually the procedure involves pig or bovine or mechanical valves but since more had to be replaced I got one from a human...interesting.
Can you even begin to believe what a wonderful group of people blog here? Are you slightly aware of what you made possible for us? Hope so.. Thank You.
MO: Curse on woman..use them words well! I remember when I was about 7 I accidentally impaled my hand on some wire holding a shovel together. Well I did what my Dad had shown me and started repeating in a loud shout his favorite litany.. it was "Pissfuckdamnshithell" and I sometimes need to express myself. My mom's fave word is shit, and no one can say it like her.. a 4 foot 10 inch 78 year old with dyed orange hair..quite the hoot.
Dianne-who-shoved-me-out-of-the-way in Denver~~
Way to go girl!
Ronnie
Ronnie: I think I might have beat you by one!! I am never that quick on my feet so it is quite a surprise.
EXTRA HAPPY DANCE DIANE..WHOOT WHOOT YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!
Ronnie: (laughing at my next new name). I did not "shove" you out of the way. It was what I call a nudge..a lovingly little nudge and next time move as I trip very easy.
Good job. I have watched theses pols march and just don't know how they can be so fast. I'm glad you were 1st.
Ronnie
I'm not so fast anymore either.
Ronnie; Maybe we were in the Senior Run for 100. I think it might be the first race I ever one in my life!! It only took 61 years but whose is counting?
Whoot...thanks NOWMERCY, I will do the dance with you. RONNIE; Come do the happy dance with us as you did come in second.
ronnie
It was def a shove, when a owl is going for 100 they will doing anything necessary, I have been caught in the fire several times!
And have lots of bruises to show for it!
dianne
Congrats on 100
I really do know how to spell won rather than one!!! I am trying to not call myself one of "those" names right now!
whose is....I guess I better preview more. TINK is going to be giving me English and spelling lessons!!
DIANE: I have a soft spot for Denver. My maternal grandparents lived there. Actually I was born in Denver but we moved when I about 3. My grandma lived in the University area and then a retirement high rise in that area. I lived in Boulder for a year and a half and loved coming into Denver. When I was a kid I would ride the Denver Rio Grande train to see my Grandma and when I graduated from Junior High I had saved enough money to go by train and stay at the Brown Palace for two nights. Quite the treat. There was a great Irish bar near there that I later enjoyed lots of Irish coffee's at...
Anyway..hope you and Whabby get to enjoy the town together... Can anyone spell
t-r-o-u-b-l-e-??
nowmercy
Wow, very interesting, I am glad you faired well, thank goodness is was caught in time and they were able to do what needed to me done.
Medical technology amazes me!
Ronnie~~~GREAT TYPING~~
Carol~~
Sorry you had to visit with yourself, but I do want to think you for your shout-out to me. Also, I appreciate your time and energy it takes to run your blog and letting me come and play here.
I'm the new kid on the block and
If I do the myspace thing, I'll
certainly want you for a friend. Everyone has been so nice to me, even if I have been a little long winded at times.
Off to see the beautiful people in all the beautiful clothes at the Oscars.
Ronnie
NOWMERCY: I think the Irish bar you are talking about was called Duffy's. They had great cheap food too. The line was out the door for green beer on St Pat's Day. I remember being much younger and standing in that line for a bucket of beer. They finally closed down a couple of years ago after many years in Denver. It is still a treat to be able to go to the Brown Palace. I am up for that treat any time you want to ride the train to Denver again. I don't live too far from the University Hills area. We could drive around and bring back fond memories for you.
Dianne-who-brags-about-running-fast-in-Denver~~
The race will be on when you least expect it ...and of course when none of the fast runners are around. Hell, we'd be trampled. lol
Ronnie
DINNER IS SERVED
Standing Rib Roast w/ au jus
Roasted turkey, golden brown
Tofurky for the vegans
Twice baked potatoes
Green bean casserole
Glazed baby carrots
Cornbread Dressing - one with sausage and one vegetarian
Chocolate layer cake with chocolate frosting
Lemon Merangue pie
Apple cake with spice glaze
Waters
Sodas
Beer
Wine
Coffee
Teas
bon appetite!
MO: You are the top, the best, the wow. I feel so included with the tofurky and the vegetarian cornbread dressing and oh my oh my..I'll be right back, I'm gonna slip into some really loose clothes and get comfy so I can savor every morsel.
I hope you aren't too tired after all that work, here, let me rub your feet for you, can I get you anything.
yyyyuuuummmmyyyy
Diane.. DUFFY's..I used to have a t shirt from there. Oh the fun, and close to the museum too. Should I find a reason to get down there we WILL get together. When my Grandma was ill and needed help I used to drive down from Helena.. 12 or 13 hours, and being in her presence and enjoying Denver was always so wonderful that I was never tired when I came home.
Ooops, I forgot the
dinner rolls,
whipped butter or honey
They are just a little over browned!
Wow Maureen what a spread! And what a nice surprise. I was just going to have a PB&J sandwich. You really didn't have to go to this much trouble. Chocolate cake too! Wow...I was just thinking the other day about making a chocolate cake. Now I don't have to. You are such a sweetie. I'm going to get a plate and check out the Oscars. BBL.
I just got home from seeing my mom. She is doing quite well on oxygen today. I phoned my brother-in-law to tell him that she is pretty good and he tells me he just got a phone call that a good friend of the family, (Harold and Joan's best man at their wedding 52 years ago) died of a Heart Attack today while vacationing in Mexico. He and his wife were also married 52 years. Does it never end? I am going to rest. I will be back on tomorrow. Love, Tinka
nowmercy "Michael Clayton" was a very good movie. George is always easy on the eyes, too. :)
Tinkatia so sorry to hear about your friend. Take care. (((HUGS)))
TINKA, I am so sorry for yet another loss. Get some rest my dear and tomorrow will be a better day.
SHIRLEY, why so surprised? You guilted me into it in your post earlier today. I couldn't let you down! And now I am too tired to eat any of it!
NOWMERCY, ohhh my feet have never felt so good!
After being out for a bit, all caught up on posts again. Thanks, Bear for the Mek update. She better have some gorgeous Tiger shots from today! Loved that he almost ventured away from his standby Sunday red today.
Nowmercy~~You don't suppose that one little compliment about your posture had anything to do with your dedication to caring for the spine and muscles of not only youself but of others? Hmmmmmmm. Take care of that tummy, girl.
Catching glimpses of the red carpet. Looks like the colour de jour pour les femmes est rouge. Red on everyone. Tina, where are you? George was just chatting with Regis. I think his lady was wearing the same outfit you wore in your photo with him!
Even with the red carpet, somehow my mental imagery is drifting to the thought of Dianne_on_her_Bronco_in_Denver, lasso twirling as she chases a scantily-clad Bear through the streets toward the Brown Palace!
sniff sniff,
I smell chocolate cake!
Thank you Maureen!
I am a chocoholic. I need an Intervention. I guess that would be a different blogging subject.
In the meantime I am going to dig right in to the center of the chocolate cake so pass me a napkin please.
Did anyone else happen to see a very altered-state Gary Busey's uninvited hug attack and vocal outbursts toward Ryan Seacrest & JLH live on the red carpet earlier? Methinks it might get quite drunk out tonight in Hollyweird!
mo
I like everything you cook!
Even if is over browned!
I love Regis!
So sorry, Tinka dear.
WOW, Mo! No wonder we haven't heard much from you all day. You've been slaving in the kitchen!
bono
Yes I saw Gary, and I am sure lots of drinking for him tonite!
tinka
So Sorry~~~~
okay, I called to see if, since I am slightly under the weather my sweetie daughter could stay with her dad..and yes she can. So for the first time in many years (7) I am watching uninterupted oscars with the nest.. wow. It is the little things.
Loved Helen Mirrens dress
George and she are the class acts so far.
Can HARDLY wait, here comes Jon Stewart!!!!!
Dianne/Denver Congrats on your first march win. I'll still beat you to Custard, though.
I did not find Jon Stewart funny, was it me?
Carol..I was laughing out loud and I'm alone here..but so funny, the last time he did the show I didn't think he was so funny. Since though I watch his show a lot (online), maybe that helps.
Barbara looks great!! Loved that tall costume designer bein her self.
TIna TIna Tina your George is looking so very good
George Clooney is on, where is tina
nonmercy
You are prob right, I don't watch his show, so maybe I just don't get his humor.
Tinka..so sorry about your friend! Big, big hugs!!!!
Zona...thanks for the shoutout. And yes, I behaved myself at the conference...although there may be a photo out there that proves otherwise!!!! Any snow in Arizona today?
Owls watching the Oscars...I missed the first half...anything exciting in the opener?
Oh, George is on. OMG, he's a handsome man!!!
how come Clint Eastwood wasn't in the 80 years...
I did not like Ratatouei (sp) it creeped me out..very cute speech though...
Hey Vig..welcome to the reserved seats
CAROL you might like his show...
OKAY a challenge..watch the ads and see what they try to tell women to be like....and then don't buy into it. btw the YUKON suv...best mpg 27 mpg.. hmmm
Did anyone see Enchanted? Was it a musical?
Okay..quick
WHAT ARE YOU ALL WEARING TONIGHT.
I HAVE MY YELLOW XXXX LARGE ROSIE PEACE TEE AND COMFY COMFY PJ PANTS ON.
Maureen~~
Thank you for the great dinner. Apple cake is one of my favorites, so I ate it first...oink, oink!
The gowns are just so beautiful, it's almost like being in a fairy tale full of princesses. Love all that bling-bling too.
Ronnie
Tinkatia, I'm so sorry for the bad news you received today.
TINK: I am so sorry about your friend..goodness sakes I want you to have a break..
Ronnie: I thiink the gowns are extra nice this year, and funny how some can really get away with the bling and the different lookers
RONNIE, I'm glad you liked the apple cake. Is it a Texas thing that both you ans DREAMA dove into the dessert first?
Am I the only one that thought Jennifer Hudson had an ugly dress?
JAVIER BARDEME - omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg. Have I said OMG?? LOVE HIM
Mo..Jennifer should have had more help with a dress, damn it.
and Javier, let me just say...pant pant pant
August Rush and that little girl just took my breath away..
11years old...can that little girl sing!!!!
Nice to see Owen Wilson...he looks well!
VIG..think of the courage it took for Owen to face the camera just be himself..
It looks like the bee stole LYNN's stick legs!!!
MO: LOL those legs
You gals are right, Owen Wilson looked strong and healthy.
And that little girl...breathtaking!
I want to just watch all the historic awards going back over the 80 years......the nostalgia, the fashions, the talents now gone.
mo
I did not like Jennifer Hudson's dress either. Her boobs looked really weird.
I love Tilda's hair and I don't actually get her dress and she is the one who can carry it off.. Love her green eyes. Okay.. I love her gutsyness
Tilda....have to say I don't know much about her. Somewhat androgynous? Anorexic?
Maureen~~
Must be a Texas thing. lol
At least I sliced my piece, and didn't dig into the middle like Dreama. That's okay though, she did put a napkin in her lap...hope she used a fork. Hey, I can't fault Dreama, she brings me picante.
Ronnie
BONO..I was thinking that too..I just want all the old clips. And who will I watch in the future..when I'm really really old...I want those people back.
Androgynous in sexy strong feminine way...
BON'O, i thought the same thing about Tilda. But I have to applaud her uniqueness. Having the courage to be herself...not all painted up. Well, maybe a little lip gloss would have been in order, it is the Oscar's afterall. But her speech was great.
CPGEM8 - The first thing I thought of when I saw Jennifer was the uni-boob that Barb (i think) had as her avatar before!!
Ruby Dee looked gorgeous
Carol~~
Jennifer's dress just played-up her too small boobs. Didn't care for the color on her either.
"MS. Fashion Plate, Ronnie".
I'm in flannel and she's on stage..tells you what I know.
Is Jessica Alba pregnant?
Oh, Jon Stewart answered my question!
VIG you clever owl..did you win an oscar already
OK Maureen I don't know why you would say I guilted you into making dinner. I thought you did it out of the kindness in your heart.
Dreama back away from that cake now!!! You are not going to eat it by yourself.
People who have large breast need to hold them up with more that a little string around the neck or with spaghetti straps! I'm just saying.
Okay.. two kind of scrawny looking guys wrote that violent macho thing? I am confused. I didn't see the movie..to violent for me.
mo
The uniboob!!!! lol!!!!!
ronnie
I am in mens bottoms pj's and a grey
"ripped and stained" long sleeve tee!
So you the heck am I!.....
Yes I did win...and I would like to thank my publicist and everyone else I have ever known!
Darn, I wanted the Canadian Sarah Polley to win that one....but yay to the Cohens!!!
Oh Shriley. large BREAST, BREAST? Maybe more than wardrobe needed. I truly am laughing my ass off...
Does anyone know who Ellen called on her show the other day that had been nominated 20 times and never won? What award is he up for? Has he won yet?
00ps.. SHIRLEY
Ok Nowmercy, I didn't say I was a good speller. That was funny though. LOL!
vig
Did you win for being "notorious"
So funny...LOL....
Remember when the Oscar song of the year was one you knew by heart from radio play even if you never saw the movie? Anybody ever heard these songs? I want Rogers & Hammerstein, Burt Bacharach, Roger Williams!
Okay..maybe I am bitter? But the whole Enchanted thing seemed like a hard sell of mythic romantic love... hmmm.
Carol~~lol
BUT, I bet you haven't got a pair of mis-matched socks on with cake icing all over your chin....Thanls, Maureen!
Ronnie
Shirley: I LOVE your spelling
BONO: Right on baby...if I didn't have a kiddo I would not know the songs..I gotta say she did not like Enchanted..she truly wanted the woman to enjoy the City and go out on her own and become a great stage actress.. we are greatfully outa step
carolcpgem...lol! Yes, and the Oscar goes to The Notorious V.I.G.....a notorious legend in her own mind!
No socks ronnie just my Uggs, which actually are the best part of my outfit, Oh and I got a pedi today, so my toes are all ready for the, Oscars after party, which is in my bed!....(mind out of gutters)..I will be alone!!
Bono..what are YOU wearing tonight?
Others?
Carol..even if you are going to be alone our minds could be in the gutter..omg did I say that?
GOOD for you getting your toesies loved
vig
Well then congrats are in order!
You have received you first oscar on the pages of our little nest!!
Hopefully the endorsements will be rolling in!
carolcpgem....sistah of the UGGS! I am wearing UGGS too!!!! Aren't they the best?!
Carol~~
With that sweet outfit, I'm sure you'll be alone..lol
Haul out the silk and make some giggles in the dark.
Ronie
nowmercy
You are alone tonight as well, correct?
Hmmmm......
ronnie
lol......
Crud..I got so excited about seeing Dame Judy.. I so do love that incredible fantastic woman.. mean trick.
194
Move outta the way, the owls are stomping!!!!!
Carol, yes and proud of it
Ok...I just got a kick in my back...
Shirley was that you?
I don't mind a little quality time with myself and me
Who the hell are these people that keep coming out? Pass the popcorn please.
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