The Aunt's

I have been trying to come up with some new material for Carol to post as a blog and I have many that just keep rolling around like so many marbles in my head. Then I can’t decide what to sit down and write about.

Finally I have decided to tell a story about my three aunts on my Dads side of the family. These are women who are strong and interesting and some times just down right weird.

My Three Aunts

by LynnD

The Aunts:

Mary Lee
Is the oldest now the age of seventy. She was a Jr. High school teacher for 35 years. She is 4 foot eleven on a good day. My whole life she has worn her hair in the same style. Very 1960’s it is rolled in wide circles all over her head and then a long piece in front is wrapped across her forehead and circles to the back , kind of a modified Beehive. She is the brunette. (Thank you Clairol!). Her other eccentricity is that she has always worn 3 to 4 inch high heels. She can’t wear any flat shoe of any kind because of this. I have seen her in slippers and she walks on her tiptoes. I have surmised she is trying to make up for her lack of height.

Betsy
Is the middle daughter and a blonde. She is the one I consider the most controlling of all of the siblings. She rules with an iron fist. Though she has many secrets of her own she will deny all of them with her last breath. She has a winning smile and can be very charming when she wants to apply herself but watch out!! Don’t cross her in anyway. She is the one who tries to keep current in fashion and hair and does not look her age which is in her early sixties.

Lynnette
Is the youngest sister in her fifties. She is the redhead (I will tell you now I don’t know which of them dyes their hair but have always been sure one of them does. Hello redhead, brunette and blonde?) this is the sister who really did not get any fashion sense! Over the years I have seen her in some of the worst outfits and it just does not occur to her that anything is wrong. Hairstyles? Well let’s put it this way she had the same bad perm and cut all of the 1990’s even when her sisters would tell her point blank that her hair looked like hell.

Ok that is just some background info so you might be able to tell who is who in this fun story. LOL

Two years ago I went to a family reunion for my Grandmother’s side. Dad had asked me to go for many years and I caved this year. My Dad and I arrived and I proceeded to greet all of the Aunts, Uncles and cousins that I knew. We ate and laughed and passed around photograph albums and generally everyone was having a great time. We then moved into a circle so everyone could introduce themselves and say which part of the family tree they were from and who’s children where who’s etc… This was over and everyone split up to talk and mingle.

I had been sitting by Aunt Lynette and Aunt Mary Lee and my Uncle Hank and my Dad. We were just chatting and joking and having a fine time. Aunt Mary Lee left our group to go talk to some of the extended family. I watched as she made her way across from us to a group of ladies that Aunt Betsy had been visiting with. I was still talking to Aunt Lynette when all of a sudden here comes Aunt Mary Lee stomping across the grass (well as much as you can stomp in heels on grass) she had a totally pissed expression on her face. She marched up to Aunt Lynette and said we are leaving now!!! They had come together in the same car and she expected Aunt Lynette to jump up with her purse and keys and do her bidding. Aunt Lynnette just sat in her chair and then looked at me like what the hell? I shrugged like I don’t know? So she stood up and said “what happened?” Aunt Mary Lee was so mad she looked at Aunt Lynnette and said “That Bitch Betsy!” We are leaving!!

By this time Uncle Hank (who is hard of hearing) is tapping me on the leg and wants to know what is going on? I have no clue!! Aunt Lynnette asks her” what did Betsy do now?” Aunt Mary Lee replies “I walked over to talk to Aunt Eleanor and I hear that bitch telling her that yes she does look like the youngest sister Thank you!” Especially since she has never had any work done like her other two sisters!””Did you know Mary Lee has had a face lift and Lynnette had Botox done?” “I have only ever washed my face with cleanser and moisturized.”

Well I am sitting there trying really hard not to laugh my ass off and Dad was no help because he was laughing his ass off already. Uncle Hank is looking at me going what?? What is Lee pissed off about??? I am trying to give him the look. You know the just a minute and I will fill you in look. Aunt Lynnette takes Aunt Mary Lee aside and they are arguing back and forth. I let Uncle Hank know what is going on and he is roaring with laughter and saying “Yep that Betsy is a bitch but she told the truth!” Of course he is saying this so loud everyone has turned to stare and whisper. Finally Aunt Lynnette comes back and grabs her purse and folding chair. She looks at me and says” It was nice to see you honey but I am taking Aunt Mary Lee home before we have some hair pulling and choking to contend with.

Yes this is some of my family. I love them! Sometimes I don’t really like them, but they always and I mean always amuse me when they are not pissing me off!!

What are your stories?? Do you have lunatics in your family too? Do you get along with them all? Do you ever question how you ended up in your family like I do? LMAO

PS I changed the names not to protect the innocent but to protect me!!!